Sweet is the Voice of a Sister in the Season of Sorrow
by DianaM -again
Summary: This isn't going to be for everyone. It isn't going to have a battlefield. The combat and battles taking place in this go on inside of someone struggling with her memories and emotions, fighting to stay optimistic through a pretty hard time. She isn't even a Joe. It started out as a scene, one of many I write to practice or develop characters. But something about it hooked me.
1. Chapter 1

Professor Jewell angrily stopped his lecture to answer the phone, something everyone knew he hated doing. No one or thing interrupted Jewell. Fuming, he picked up the receiver and barked into it. His face went from irritation to understanding to pity while 200 students looked on in silence. When he put the phone down, Jennifer picked up her pen, ready to get back to her notes. Instead, she watched her professor's eyes sweep over the class.

"Falcone? Jennifer? Jennifer Falcone? Where are you?"

Jennifer felt herself blushing. "Here, Professor Jewell." She raised her hand, expecting him to smile when he spotted her. He didn't.

"Please go to Student Affairs, dear." He took off his glasses and sighed.

"Right now, Professor?"

He nodded, slowly. "Yes, right away. Please, dear. It's rather important. I'm afraid there's been an accident."

The sudden apprehension shot cold bolts, right to her fingertips. She stood and gathered her things.

Julia nudged her with an elbow. "Are you going to be OK? What's going on?"

Jennifer shook her head and swallowed. "I don't know." She quickly dashed down the stairs and out of the lecture hall, the entire classes' eyes upon her. Professor Jewell offered her an uncharacteristically comforting look as she passed.

"I'm sorry, Miss Falcone."

She made it to the Student Affairs office in less that fifteen minutes to find a dean waiting for her. He took her to an empty office and told her to call home, then waited with her as she dialed. The phone was picked up before the first ring ended.

"Hello?"

"Pop? What's going on? Is Mama OK?" Jennifer imagined a heart attack, or maybe car accident. Her heart pounded.

"Your mother's fine."

Jennifer caught a sob in the background. "Drew? Is Drew OK? Pop?"

"It's not your sister, Princess." He was quiet. Jennifer heard him pull in a deep breath. Mama was definitely crying. "It's your brother."

"**Vince?" **She had bite back a nervous laugh. Vincent had gotten himself into a few tangles over the last year or so. Pop was not pleased.

"No." Pop sighed. "Jennifer, it's Conrad."

"Con? What did he fling himself into this time? Was he blown off another oil tanker? You think he'd learn." She tried to cheer herself up. "This means he's coming home for a bit again, right."

"There was a battle. He was wounded, Jennifer. It's serious. They're not sure he's going to make it. Not this time."  
"Pop?" Jennifer couldn't feel her toes, but she thought her stomach and heart had fallen down there somewhere. "But...Pop?"

There was a hitch in Pop's voice. Jennifer heard her mother make a long, forlorn wail. Her father turned from the receiver to soothe her. "Jane...it's OK. We'll go. We'll get there. Then it will be better." His voice got louder as he returned to the line. "We have to get there, Baby. We have to go. Just in case. You need to be there. He'd want you there."

"Pop! Pop...I..." Jennifer felt a few tears roll down her cheeks. The dean handed her a tissue. "But...school..."

"It's OK. I spoke to the dean. He's called a cab. It's going to take you to your dorm so you can pack a few things. It will wait, baby...and then it's going to take you to the airport. A ticket will be waiting for you at the Delta check-in counter. Just show them your ID. They took care of making sure you'll be able get on whatever flight to Salt Lake is leaving when you get to the airport." Pop was all business now. "You're going to get off in Salt Lake City, and someone will be there to get you onto another flight..."

"Pop..."

"The second plane is going to be smaller. A shuttle, really. It's going to take you to a very small airport, and I want you to wait there with the soldier who will meet you there."

"But Pop..." She tried again.

"Wait there for us. It should only be an hour or so." Pop finished, and she could hear him blow his nose. "We have to just get your sister from school on our way to Lambert. We're already packed, we were just waiting to hear from you."

"Pop! What...what's going to happen? Is Con going to..." She wasn't sure exactly how to ask.

"Jennifer, I don't know, Baby. They say..." His voice dropped to almost a whisper. "They say it's a bad wound, OK?"

"He's pulled himself out of a lot of scrapes, Dad. He'll pull himself out of this one." She tried to rally herself. She wanted to cheer him. It couldn't possibly be that bad. Conrad had proven himself indestructible over the years. "He'll laugh at us when we get there, I bet."

"Jennifer..." Pop sighed again. "Please, go get in the cab now, OK?"

She'd never heard her father sound like this. He was...not angry, not sad. Jennifer could hear defeat in her father's voice. She looked over at the dean, who handed her another few tissues. Her face was wet, but after the first few tears, she had forgotten she was crying.

The cab broke the speed limit getting her to the dorms, where she shoved whatever she could think of in her bag. At the last minute, she grabbed the cassettes of her current video project. All four of them, barely edited together. She shoved them in under her spare pair of jeans and zipped the bag shut. Getting to LAX wasn't bad, not in the afternoon in the middle of the week. Her ID provoked a kind of frenzy of action at the Delta counter, and she found herself shoved onto a jet and in the air within half an hour. The stopover and switching of planes had been just as fast. She ended up in a small local airport next to a young soldier in plain green uniform with brown web gear. The woman, who was close to her own age, bought her coffee and sat with her. They'd spoken only once.

"Miss, I want you to know, your half-brother is one of the bravest men I've met. It's been my honor to have him as my Field Commander. He's one of a kind."

"Thanks. I call him my brother, though. He always says we don't count family in halves" Jennifer sipped at her coffee, relieved the woman hadn't referred to her older brother in the past-tense.

The soldier blushed. "Oh...Sorry!"

"Don't worry about it." Jennifer forced a smile. "It's a common thing to say, it doesn't bother me."

_He's going to be fine, and we'll get to see him at home for a while like last time. They forced him to finally take a few weeks off in a row. It's a good thing, really. I'll take a break from classes. Maybe he can come back out to California with me for a week._

She'd sat with the woman, the kind of Joe she now remembered her brother preferred to be called a "regular" over a "greenshirt". She noticed a lack of name tag, which she'd thought went against uniform regulations. But Conrad said they all got to dance around that. Something about security. An hour and a half later, Mama and Pop rushed through a gate, Drew in tow. Jennifer stood, and Mama grabbed her and held her tight.

"Oh, Jennifer, you're here! Thank God!" Mama let go to dab at her eyes. Pop pulled her against him and rubbed her back.

"Good job. You did that well."

"It was pretty easy." Jennifer felt herself relaxing against her father's soft flannel shirt. He was still pretty strong, the muscle of his chest was comforting. Pop being there made it all right. Mama and he could fix it.

Next to them, Drew yawned and pulled on the soldier's sleeve. Drew had no fear of strangers. "I'm hungry. What next? When will we see Duke? Is he coming to dinner with us? Is Vince here? He's coming too, right?"

The soldier looked shocked. She turned to Mama. "Ma'am?"

Mama smiled weakly, then managed to broaden it for Drew. "Let's get in the car, sweetling. This nice soldier's going to take us to the hospital, OK? We can get some food there and you can see your brother."

Jennifer looked up at her father. "She doesn't _know_?"

"We told her he was wounded." He kept his voice down. "That's it, Jennifer. It would have been impossible to get here otherwise. You know what she can be like when she's upset, and we had to move fast. We'll fill her in once we're there where she can see him."

Jennifer nodded. "Ok. I get it." She pulled herself out of the comfort of her father's arms. "How..."

He held up a hand, then ran it through his salt and pepper hair. "Cripes, Baby, I don't know. I don't have any more answers. We'll find out when we get there."

"This way, please." The soldier beckoned, lifting up Mama's bag. "The transport is outside. I have a local police escort. "

Mama stopped. "Where's my other son? Where's Vincent?"

The soldier stopped. "I can't exactly tell you that, Ma'am. I can say Falcon and several other Joes went to back up General Hawk and the rest of that team. But I can't tell you where. I'm sorry. Last I heard, he was in full contact with headquarters.

Mama blanched. "Oh, Vincent..."

Pop wrapped one arm around Mama. "Let's go, Jane. We've got to face this."

Mama took a deep breath, then nodded. She grabbed Jennifer's hand tightly as they walked to the parking lot. Drew groaned disappointedly.

"It's just a sedan. I thought it would be a VAMP. Or an Awe Striker."

It was a very large sedan, in fact. A police car was parked in front, the words 'Keystone City Police Department' surrounding the shield on the door. The driver looked over at them. "They needed room for all of us, Drew." Jennifer handed her bag to the soldier, who threw it in the trunk. Along side the others. "Plus, this will be more comfortable for everyone.

Drew yawned again. "Duke said if I ever got to go to base, he'd let me ride in as many things as he could get me in."

"He's in the hospital, Drew." She followed Mama and her sister into the back seat.

Drew yawned again. "Yeah, but he'll be out soon. He never backs out on a promise. And here I am."

Jennifer didn't know what to say, so she didn't say anything. The soldier waved to the police officer, then got in and started the car. Their escort led them through the parking lot and to the main road, lights flashing, but siren silent. Jennifer looked out the window, watching the darkening scenery fly by. She didn't know if she wanted to go, now. To face it. To find out just exactly how bad it was...maybe he was dying. Maybe he was already dead, and the soldier hadn't been able to tell her. Everything went blurry

* * *

_"What's wrong, Jenn?"_

_She had to tilt her head way back to see his face. Through her tears, she could see he was smiling down at her._

_"I can't see!" She wailed. "Everyone's too big, an' they all got in front of me, an' they won't let me see!"_

_"You were in front when I left." He handed her a cone of cotton candy and bit into his hot dog._

_She took a hank of spun sugar and crammed it into her mouth. "They just kept getting in front of me. Now I'm back here, and I can't see the show!" Her sobs faded to sniffles._

_"Your shoe's untied, too. Where did Vince go? I told him to watch you." Conrad finished his hot dog in two large bites, wiped his fingers on a paper napkin, wadded it up, and tossed it into a trash can several feet behind them._

_"He went off with his friends to the rides." Something exciting must have happened up on the stage, the crowd laughed and cheered. "Mama and Pop'r in the big building looking at quilts and pictures. My shoe's untied, and I can't_

_**see!**" It was the worst fair ever. It was her first. She felt fed up with the whole thing and decided to cry again._

_"Well, that's no good, now is it? Here." He crouched down, grabbing the laces of her shoe and doing the magic that made the loops and knot. "Remember how I showed you? The rabbit goes around his burrow and through." He finished and pulled the laces tight. "That's your shoe." Conrad crouched down further. "C'mere." He grabbed her by a hand and an arm and swung her up onto his shoulders, then stood easily...as if she wasn't even there. The ground seemed much further away. "Hang on tight. Can you see?"_

_Jennifer's feet dangled almost level with the letter on his blue and white jacket. She could see right over the heads of the crowd to where the bearded clown was making two dogs stand on balls. She laughed, hanging onto his light golden hair with a sticky hand._

_He laughed with her and bounced on the balls of his feet to keep her giggles going. "There you go, Jenn. Everything fixed. Don't cry any more."_

* * *

It was late. The back seat of the car was dark, but she could still see Mama at the other end of the bench seat. Pop sat next to their driver up front, every so often, he'd look back to check on everyone. Mama sat up straight, one hand on the arm rest on the door, the other dabbing constantly at her face with one of the many tissues she seemed to keep on her person. It never showed, but it always seemed that Mama kept a box full of tissues stuffed up one of hr sleeves. Jennifer had never been able to figure out how she made the used ones disappear. Even now, there was no detritus of Mama's tears to be found in the cab. It would never do to leave trash anywhere. Not for Mama, who couldn't stand to leave a mote of dust to lie for even a second.

Jennifer looked to her baby sister. Not quite a baby anymore at nine but without doubt the baby of the family, nevertheless. Drew had passed out almost as soon as they'd hit the highway, leaning first against Mama, then shifting to loll on Jennifer's arm. She was happily not entirely aware of what was going on. Not that she wasn't capable of understanding; Mama hadn't told her everything. Not yet. She thought their brother was just hurt. Scraped, maybe. Or a sprain or broken arm or leg. Something she'd inserted into the blank space the word "wounded" left to fill. She'd find out soon enough.

She could see hospital complex ahead of them, windows picking out every room on every floor. A large red cross blazed close to the top of the tallest building. "Aren't we going to headquarters?" Jennifer was confused.

"No, Miss. Headquarters is off limits to anyone but essential personnel and support staff right now."

Pop looked back at her. "They don't need civilians to get underfoot or worry about right now, Jennifer. Plus the facilities here are better equipped to deal with whatever your brother needs. Base infirmaries, even the Joe one, are never as good as an outside hospital."

The soldier nodded. "Yessir. Plus, this whole hospital is a lot easier to secure."

"Secure?" Mama started. Jennifer looked at her. She'd stopped crying, but she looked tired. "You've secured the hospital?"

"Yes, Ma'am. With the help of local PD. The perimeter and entrances are secured. The floor Duke and the other Joes are on is on 24 hour armed guard, only assessable to those with proper identification. His room is completely locked down." They pulled into the parking lot and right up to the entrance. Two uniformed police officers stood on either side of the doors. The sedan stopped, and the soldier pulled the parking break and hopped out to open Mama's door. "Ma'am?"

Mama slid out. "I never even asked your name. I'm so sorry."

"Gonzalez, Ma'am. Don't apologize."

"I am sorry, though." Mama smiled weakly and put her hand on Gonzalez's arm. "Thank you. For meeting my daughter and waiting with her. Thank you for everything, Gonzalez."

Jennifer knew Mama wouldn't ask for a first name unless it was volunteered. Something learned by being married into the Army. "Yeah, thanks!" She smiled at Gonzalez. "I didn't want to wait alone."

"It was my pleasure, Miss."

"What's you're code name?" Drew grinned.

"I don't have an official one, yet." Gonzalez smiled back. "I'll earn that when I'm promoted out of greenshirt and get my togs. But my friends call me Slingshot."

"Why?" Drew rubbed her eyes with one hand.

"_That _I can't tell you, miss." The soldier blushed.

"Why?"

"It's sort of an in-joke."

"Why?" Drew cocked her head. Jennifer was familiar with this game. She rolled her eyes.

"Princess, let it go." Pop slid out of his coat. "We have to get to your brother." He turned to Gonzalez. "Should we get our bags?"

"Nossir. Leave them in the car. It stays right here. I'll take you to your hotel when you're done here. We've checked you in already. It's close." Gonazlez indicated the doors. The police officers stood straighter. Jennifer smiled to herself. They weren't soldiers, but they snapped to, all the same. Gonzalez nodded. "I'll take you all upstairs now. Doc is waiting." She too off at a good clip.

"Jane, it's time to go see." Pop gently rubbed Mama's arm, then grabbed Drew's hand to follow. Jennifer slid her arm through Mama's. "He'll be good, Mama. He's always been good."

The doors slid open for them, and they were inside. Police and Regulars were scattered through the lobby. Officers stood by the elevators. Gonzalez lead them right through and to the doors, pressing the call button. They were not challenged. No one even greeted them, but several pairs of curious eyes followed them as they passed.

A soft ping. Doors slid open. Jennifer followed Gonzalez her father into the elevator, Mama at her side. They all stared at the numbers as the light slid from one to the other.

Drew took Pop's hand as they rose. "Duke's going to be happy when we get there, I bet. His last letter said he wanted to see us all. He's got a new tattoo!" Drew frowned. "OK. I wasn't supposed to tell Mama that. Don't tell him I forgot. But Mama's going to see it anyways, probably, in the hospital. I bet I can trick him into showing us."

Pop sighed, and got to one knee in front of Drew. "Baby...your brother's...asleep. Right now he's sleeping." He put his hands on her shoulders. "We're going to let him sleep, OK?"

Jennifer heard Mama's breath catch. She looked at both her parents. "You know more than you're telling me, don't you?"

Mama sighed. Pop stood and looked away.

"What aren't you telling me? It's worse than you said, isn't it? What's going on?" Her heart began to pound. "What don't I know?"

Pop didn't turn. "We'll talk to the doctors."

Jennifer tightened her grip around Mama's arm. "I don't want to hear it from the doctors. They always hide behind big medical words. Please. Mama."

She felt both her mother's arms come around her. "Jennifer...I... I can't. I need to talk to the doctor's first, because I'm not really sure what's going on myself. I don't know how to tell you because I haven't finished convincing myself." She kissed Jennifer's cheek. "We're almost there. Let's just get there. We'll talk it all out then. I need to see my son."

It was odd. Jennifer had never heard her mother call Conrad that. _My son._ Not 'your brother', or 'Conrad', or even 'Duke', which she hated to ever say except for the occasional tease or sarcastic barb. _My son._

The elevator stopped, the doors slid open. Another greenshirt...regular, stepped into the doorway and blocked their exit. He was quite a big man, but young, not much older than Jennifer herself. When he saw Gonzalez, he nodded. Jennifer expected him to step back and out of their way, but he didn't.

"What's tonight's word, Slingshot?" His voice was low.

"Macaroni and Cheese." Gonzales countered. "Back up, 'Dozer, they're the real thing."

"Gimme the names, anyhow. You know you have to. Hawk said not to loosen security, no matter what." Dozer wasn't budging, though he smiled warmly at Jennifer.

Gonzalez sighed. Jennifer couldn't quite believe it, but she heard the woman mutter a curse under her breath. "...fucker...Right!" Gonzalez looked 'Dozer in the eye. "Falcone, formerly Hauser, Jane Lilly. Falcone, Major Johnathan Riley. Falcone, Jennifer Iris. Falcone, Drew Gretchen."

Dozer snapped to and saluted. "Major!" He took a crisp step back and to one side.

"I'm retired now, corporal." Pop stepped out of the elevator and past the saluting soldier. Jennifer could see he was standing straighter. "No need to salute."

"There is every need to salute you, sir!" 'Dozer was barking excitedly, now. Jennifer walked Mama past him. "Ladies, I salute you as well!" He held the salute until Drew walked by. Jennifer had to smile, her little sister saluted the man back. Then he dropped his hand, spun on his heel, and barked into the hall. "'HUT!" Guards stationed all along the hallway snapped to attention.

"This way, please." Gonzalez waved to where two doctors in white lab coats had come through the swinging doors at the end of the hallway.

Mama turned to 'Dozer, who still stood at attention. "Thank you. Thank you for that."

Jennifer saw that the smile on her mother's face was, for the first time in hours, genuine and thankful. The fear in her stomach abated, just a bit. She gave the soldier a smile of her own. He didn't put himself at ease, but he smiled back.

They followed Gonzalez-Jennifer wondered if she would actually prefer 'Slingshot'-down to the swinging doors. Every guard they passed offered a crisp salute. Jennifer watched her father hesitate a half step, and then return the salute. Each salute. Drew copied him for the first guards, but then switched to a happy wave instead. They continued down the hall that way until they reached the doors.

The doctor wearing green glasses stepped forward and offered Pop his hand. "Major Falcone, Misses Falcone, I'm Doctor Greer." He nodded at the bearded man next to him. "This is Doctor Mahboubian. He's one of the operating surgeons, and he is one of the lead in Duke's team."

_Team? Conrad has a 'team' of doctors? _

Jennifer watched her mother and father shake both doctors' hands, then offered her own. Pop took over the introductions.

"This is my daughter Jennifer and my youngest, Drew."

Jennifer wondered when Pop would ever feel she was old enough to manage herself. She decided to start now. "Hello, Doctor Greer. Doctor Mahboubian. Thanks for taking care of my brother." She shook both hands in turn.

"You're Doc, right?" Drew smiled.

"That's right." Doctor Greer nodded. "You can call me Doc, if you'd like."

"Sure!" Drew turned to the second doctor. "I don't know your code name..."

Dr. Mahboubian smiled. "I don't have one. I'm just a normal doctor."

"Oh. That's all?"

"Drew!" Mama blushed.

Doc laughed. "Doctor Mahboubian's one of the top thoracic surgeons in the country."

Jennifer was shocked. "Really?"

"Yes." Dr. Mahboubian turned to her. Jennifer liked his accent. "I dropped everything and came here as soon as I was called. I'm here for the duration."

Jennifer caught the concerned look Pop shot over Drew's head to Mama. Mama took a deep breath. "And how long are you expecting to be here, Doctor?"

"Ah." Mahbounian glanced sidelong at Doc. "Why don't we go somewhere more comfortable so we can discuss the details?"

"Right. Good idea." Pop put his arm around Mama. "I think the sooner the better."

"What does 'thoracic' mean?" Drew followed along behind as they walked through the doors and into a ward. More joe regulars took up guard posts inside. There was a large office and nurse's station in the center, surrounded by a high counter. In the center, a large new fangled clear plastic board hung from a stand. There were names on the chart, listed by room number. After each name, a bunch of numbers and acronyms Jennifer couldn't decipher.

_Pine, Katzenbogen, LaFitte._

Then she saw it. She knew she would, really. But seeing it made everything real.

_Hauser._

Jennifer's eyes traced along the row, trying to get the numbers to tell her something, maybe give her some understanding. In red, at the end, were the only three letters she understood.

_IC. Intensive care._

She couldn't see it after any of the other names. Jennifer swallowed. This was real.

"Jennifer? Dear?"

Jennifer jumped and turned to see Mama calling her from a doorway. She glanced once more over the board, trying to memorize the string of letters and numbers, then jogged over to her mother. "Sorry, Mama."

"Come on, sweet. Let's hear what they have to tell us." Mama folded her in one arm and lead her in.

It was a waiting room. Jennifer had expected an office. A large desk with fancy shelves of medical books, a few pictures, some fancy desk toys and viney green houseplants. Instead, they were in a waiting room with chairs upholstered with brown and white fabric. Some chairs had square wooden arms, but some didn't, meaning a person could stretch out if they wanted to. A small table was in every corner, magazines spread out over each surface. The television was on, but Doc reached up and turned it off as Jennifer and her family sat down. She expected the doctors to remain standing, but they both sat. Pop leaned forward and opened his mouth, but then shut it and turned to Mama, who looked back and forth from one doctor to the other before speaking.

"Tell me about my son, Doctors."

"Where's Duke?" Drew was sitting uncharacteristically still. "He's sleeping, right? When can we go wake him up to see us?"

"He's in room 1131." Jennifer had surprised them.

Doc nodded. "He is."

"He's under intensive care." Jennifer surprised the doctors again. Mama sighed. Jennifer figured she had the floor, she might as well continue. "But how can he be in intensive care and here? Isn't that a separate ward?"

"We moved everything up here." Doc was matter of fact. "We needed to secure all our troops. It made more sense to lock down a single floor."

"There's no one else on this floor?" Pop sounded incredulous.

"There are three other injured Joes on this floor, a regular nursing staff, your stepson's team, and more GI Joe troops on guard than this hospital's ever seen. As many as could be spared." Doc leaned forward, his hands on the arms of his chair. Next to him, Dr. Mahbobian was nodding slowly.

Mama shuffled in her chair. "Can you get everything Conrad needs up here from the Intensive Care Unit?"

"We can and we have, Ma'am." Doc steeled his fingers. "We have a lot of pull. We tend to ignore 'won't' or 'can't'. Everything your son could possibly need is available to us and within quick and easy reach."

Jennifer watched her parent's eyes meet. Something passed between them. Mama stood. "So, I would like to see him now, please. Take me to him."

Mahboubian rose as well. "Madam, we will, but please, sit. We need to speak with you first. Especially with the children here."

Jennifer fought the urge to respond with an avowal of maturity. Mama sank back into her chair.

"Thank you." Doc looked at each of them. Jennifer liked him better than the other doctor. His voice and face were kinder. She felt better hearing anything from him. "Misses Falcone. Major. Jennifer. Drew. I need to talk to you about what's going on, about what has happened and what you're going to see when you go into Duke's room. It's better if I prepare you now."

Pop rubbed his forehead. "In the back of my head, Jane, I've been preparing for this. I never wanted it to happen..."

Mama touched Pop's shoulder, then put her hand in his. "Jack...I know. I've done the same thing. I've done it since he enlisted. We have to face it now." Jennifer felt her mother's hand on her leg. Pop's free hand slid to pull Drew to him.

Mama looked at them all, from Drew to Jennifer, then back at both doctors. "Please, tell us."

Doc nodded. "I'll put this as plainly as I can. Your son was struck in the mid-left chest with a bladed barbed weapon. The wound was severe."

Mama's grip tightened. Jennifer felt her heart start to pound. She looked to Pop, whose lips were pulled into a tight grim line. Drew's eyes were wide.

"It missed his heart by inches, thanks to his ribs-three of which were fractured in the blow. There was, however, a good deal of other damage. Vessels, some muscle tissue, and his left lung was lacerated. There was extreme blood loss. This is a battlefield wound; I did the best I could on-site while we waited for medevac. We got him here and into the ER as soon as possible. Dr. Mahboubian. cleaned and repaired what he could, including the blood vessels, some very basic muscle repair, and the lung itself. We closed him up with a few drains. There will be discharge. He was given an infusion of donor blood. Several, in fact."

Mama looked down and nodded. "Good...All right..."

"Ma'am, I'm not going to lie, it was a bad wound in a nasty battle. We've had him on high antibiotics, but he has pneumonia resulting from an infection as wall as the damage to the lung. We've drained it once and upped his antibiotics as much as is medically safe."

"He's in a coma. It's touch and go." Pop's voice was flat. "Tell us about that, please."

Jennifer felt her heart skip several beats. "_What?!" _Angrily, she turned to her parents. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Jennifer, I didn't know how. I didn't really want to believe it myself. I though it would just be temporary..." Mama's voice almost plead.

"Would it have done anything but make you suffer on the way?" Pop's eyes were sad. "All you would have done was worry."

"I would have _known!" _ Jennifer banged on the table next to her. "I deserved to _know! I'm not a kid any-"_

"Please-" Doc held up a hand. His voice was louder, sterner. "Arguing does nothing." He looked at Jennifer. "Your parents did what they felt was best. Besides, we don't want this out in the media yet, and things said over the phone have a way of getting free from the places we want them to go."

"I wouldn't have told..." She felt judged.

"You wouldn't have thought not to. It's perfectly human to seek comfort." Doc sighed. "Jennifer, your brother is, indeed, in a coma. It is serious. We are monitoring him every second, things still could go bad. You're here, and that's what counts. That was what he told me he wanted."

"How could he tell you that? He's in a coma!"

"Jennifer, your brother and I have had some very long talks. He and I have been serving together for some time. He's been injured before. He's aware of the dangers of his job. He knows the possibilities. And we have, long ago, gone over what his wishes would be in a case like this. He made it very clear that he wanted his close family here with him, if at all possible. He doesn't want to go through this alone." Doc took his glasses off again. His warm brown eyes held hers.

Jennifer felt the tears start. "You mean..." she gulped, "he could..." She couldn't finish the thought. "He's in a _coma! _How will he know I'm here?"

"He knows you're here because he made me promise that if it was at all possible, we would get you here. All of you."

She didn't know what to say.

"Wait, what exactly is a coma?" Drew was actually raising her hand. "I know it's like being asleep, but no one is telling me what it _is_. No one told me what _thoracic_ means, either."

"Thoracic means the chest. Like a _thorax_." Dr. Mahboubain pointed to his chest. "A thoracic specialist, like myself, deals with thing up in here, lungs and a bit to do with the heart, although a cardiologist also deals with the heart. I deal with how the heart and lungs together. Since your brother's heart wasn't seriously affected, he doesn't need a cardiologist."

"Oh. Thanks. But is a coma like being asleep?" Drew looked at Doc.

"Yes. In his case." He caught Mama's eye. "Duke's brain function appears normal, according to every scan we've given him. If there was any damage due to lack of oxygen...it's too small to notice on the monitors."

"Lack of oxygen?" Jennifer picked up the odd thread.

"He stopped breathing for a short while in the ER. We intubated him. He's on a ventilator." Doc put his glasses back on, but shot a look at Mama and Pop right before the green lenses covered his eyes.

Mama played with her wedding ring. "There's no damage, then?"

"Not that we can tell. It's doubtful. But we're keeping him on the ventilator till further notice. He's weak and his lungs need a little help thanks to the infection." Doc sounded sure of himself. "There is another doctor who can fill you in on that, Doctor Haber. You'll see him tomorrow."

"I don't get it." Pop stood. "If he didn't damage his head, why is he in a coma?"

Doc shrugged. "I honestly don't know. It could be a way of escaping trauma. Comas are medically induced when pain is to great to endure, and will last for a while. It seems Duke's body came to that decision on his own. Frankly, I think it's almost a _good _thing. He's still, he's stable, he's resting."

"When will he wake up?" Drew slid over to Pop's abandoned seat and wrapped Mama's arm around her.

Both doctors looked at each other, then back at them. Doc sighed. "That, I can't tell you. I don't know when. I don't know _if._ He's fighting. But let me be blunt, it's still touch and go. The possibility exists that he won't win. Duke may not win this one."

Pop let his arms drop and stared at both doctors as if he could somehow make them take it back. Drew kneeled on the seat and wrapped herself around him. Although she was nine and too big for it, he leaned down and scooped her up to hold her close. Jennifer found herself wanting to join her in his arms, Mama on the other side. She looked at her mother for a hint on what to do next. Mama was looking down at her hands.

"I need to see him." Mama whispered, almost to herself. "Please." She spoke more loudly, more firmly. "I need to see Conrad right now. Take me to him."

Doc nodded. "All right. But let me say this first...how he looks may be somewhat shocking. There is a tube down his throat helping him breathe. There are pulse monitors on his fingers. IV's are in his arms, and he's getting medicine and nutrition through them. We have monitors on his chest, so he's stripped, but he is covered with sheets and a blanket. He's been catheterized. There are a lot of tubes and wires and machines. There'll be noises that may sound wrong. It could look a little frightening," Here Doc looked at Drew and Jennifer, "But everything he has, he needs." Doc stood and then came to crouch in front of Mama. Jennifer could smell antiseptic and some light aftershave. "I want you to feel free to talk to him. It's OK to touch him, please do. It's best for him-human contact, and most of us believe that people in his condition can sense people are around-at least some of the time. But be careful of everything attached to him." Doc took Mama's hand. "But do, please, touch him. Loving touch is important for healing."

Jennifer watched her mother's head rise. Her eyes were full of tears, but her face was set and determined. "Take me to my son, then, Doctor. I'll hold him in my arms. But I can't promise you that once I catch hold of him I'll ever be able to let him go."

Doc stood, nodding. "I wouldn't expect anything else, Ma'am." He looked over to where Pop was still holding Drew. "If you're ready, then."

"We were ready when we got here, Doctor." Pop set Drew back on her feet. He frowned at her, then over to Jennifer. "If you think the girls should wait..."

Anger flashed in Jennifer's chest. "_No. _I'm not waiting. _We're_ not waiting." She rose, grabbing Drew's hand. "We're going. Don't try to stop me."

The corner of Doc's mouth pulled back and his eyes lit up. "It runs in the family, I see." He chuckled. "No, major, your daughters should come. If he ever found out I or anyone kept them away, he'd kill me."

Doctor Mahboubian shook Pop's hand, then took Mama's. "I'll leave you to Doctor Greer, then. It's been a long day. For you as well, I know." He came and took Jennifer's hand. His skin was soft and warm, his touch delicate. "Miss, I appreciate your tenacity. May it help you persevere." He bent down and shook Drew's hand. She shook back hard, and he smiled "You, too, Miss Drew. I will be back tomorrow if you have _any _questions." He waved as he passed through the door.

Jennifer saw him go out through the double doors as Doc lead them across the ward, past the nurse's station and to the door of her brother's room. The doorway was wide-wide enough, she reasoned, to get his bed in and out without trouble. She could hear faint whooshing and beeping inside.

Mama stepped through without hesitation, Pop behind her. Jennifer hesitated, but then pushed herself through the doorway when she heard her mother's gasp. She towed her baby sister behind her. Doc followed.

"Oh! Oh _Jack..._Conrad... Oh, _Kleiner..._" Mama stood before the bed, hands to her mouth. Pop quickly took her in his arms.

The room was bright, brighter than she had assumed it would be. She had thought they might have dimmed the lights, but instead, it appeared almost brighter than the hallway outside, and she could see everything. Jennifer stared in awe. Conrad lay on his back before them, arms outside of the blankets, dwarfed by a bank of monitors with dials, lights and readouts. A clear cylinder with light blue bellows pumped constantly, soft whoosh accompanying its rise and fall. On the right side, an IV stand held several bags and bottles, tubes running down to his left arm, which was taped to a board. Tubes and wires of every sort were everywhere, running from his arm, from the tips of his fingers, and out from under the sheets up and down his body. The biggest by far was taped into his open mouth, a large clear accordioned tentacle running back to whatever beast ran the bellows. Jennifer's throat constricted painfully. Her brother's eyes were taped shut. His face was scruffy-he hadn't been shaven in days, and his hair was mussed, something he would have never stood for had he been able to take up a comb or razor.

"Conrad!" Mama pulled free from Pop and rushed to the chair on his right side. She snatched up his right hand, the only thing free of wires and tubes, and pressed it to her face. _"__Mein Sohn, schauen, was sie dir angetan haben ..." _She held his arm to her tightly, rocking gently back and forth. "What did they do? _Kleiner..._how did they hurt you?"

Pop walked up behind her, sliding his hands over her shoulders as he looked at Con's face. Jennifer watched, amazed, as her father folded, almost falling over her and wrapping his arms around both Mama and Conrad's arm, his head resting on hers, eyes shut tight. "Jane, shhhh, Jane...He's still here with us."

Jennifer felt Drew stiffen. Her sister backed up until she ran into Doc. Jennifer tried to comfort her, despite the fact that what she most wanted was someone to hold on to her and whisper soothing words. "Drew, it's OK. All that stuff is good."

Doc's gentle warm voice joined in. "Don't be scared. None of that is anything wrong. He's not in pain. He's not suffering. The machines help let us know what's going on, so we can act on any change right away. They're keeping him fed and comfortable and warm." His hand dropped to Drew's head. "Go up to him. He wants you to be close."

Jennifer gave Drew's arm a gentle pull. "Come on, let's go see up close." She glanced back at Doc. "You think he knows we're here?"

"Yes." Doc nodded. "I'm sure of it. Don't ask me how."

Drew took tentative steps to the bed, bringing herself right up to where Mama still rocked, Pop doing his best to soothe her. Doc's hand was now on Jennifer's shoulder. She needed it. She needed someone to remember that she was hurting, too. "Your mother needs you. Your sister needs you. Your brother needs you. But I want you to remember what you need, too. What can I do to help?"

Jennifer felt the tears start anew. "Tell me he's going to be OK."

Doc's smile didn't waver, it wasn't pitying, or cheerful, it was...understanding. "I can't. I'm sorry. I wish I could. But I will let you know this-your brother is a very strong man. He's not one to give up unless he's absolutely certain there's no point in fighting anymore. He doesn't _do _that very often. He's a stubborn man."

"Could he be like _this _forever?" Jennifer kept her voice low. She didn't want Mama to hear.

"Yes." Doc nodded. "There is a chance of that. It's slimmer than movies would have you think."

"He wouldn't want to...Conrad would never want to be like _this_." Jennifer hadn't seen her older brother sit idle for more than an hour or two at a time. Even then, a knee would jiggle, fingers would drum, his mind would whirl. Conrad had to be moving and busy to feel right.

"I know." Doc agreed. "He's let us all know, after the last time. Because his brain shows no indication of damage, chances are that won't happen."

"It'll go one way or the other, won't it. Either he'll wake up or he'll..." She looked back at her family. Drew had reached up on the bed to rest her hand on his chest. She was looking up into his face.

"Duke!" Her quavering voice broke Jennifer's heart. "Duke! Wake up!"

Doc's hand squeezed Jennifer's shoulder gently. "Yes. It will, most likely. That is the truth, and I can't hide it from you. You need to be prepared for that. But I want you to know that I haven't given up hope, and I don't want you to, either. We're doing everything we can to keep him with us. Go on. Go to him."

Jennifer made her way to the bedside. The right side was too crowded, so she moved to the chair on his left, careful not to knock the tubes from the IV. Mama was still clinging to his hand, but she'd relaxed her grip so she could brush his hair back and caress his head. Up close, Jennifer could see the dressing and bandages over his chest. It smelled of antiseptic, a strong clean smell. She tentatively touched his forearm, avoiding the needles in the crook of his elbow. His skin was warm. She'd been expecting him to be clammy. She put both her hands on his arm, stroking down over the light golden hairs and firm muscle to his hand. They'd left his dogtags on, and that gave her a small sliver of hope.

"Hey, Con. Looks like you got into a mess. Must have been a big one, they pulled me right out of class." She half expected his eyelids to twitch under the medical tape, but there was nothing. "Yeah. Right in the middle of lecture and everything. My professor was _pissed_ at first." She looked up to see her parents watching. To her surprise, Pop's face was wet. She'd never seen her father cry. He wasn't sobbing, or sniffling. His cheeks were damp. "Pop?"

"It's okay, Princess." Pop nodded. "You're doing fine."

Mama gulped and sniffled, somehow pulling herself together. Her hand stroked Conrad's cheek through the stubble. "Now we're all here, _Kleiner. _We're here to help take care of you. You can relax and let people take good care of you until you're strong again."

Jennifer looked back into his face. If she ignored the tape holding his eyelids shut and the massive tube down his throat, she could convince herself he was sleeping in. He looked, to her surprise, relaxed. She watched his chest rise and fall with the whooshing of the ventilator. "Yeah, I didn't mind, though. It was kind of a boring lecture. I hate Ingmar Bergman." She laughed, then caught herself. But Conrad told her long ago he didn't like Bergman's films either.

* * *

_"They drive me crazy, Jenn. I usually want to throw a brick at the screen about 20 minutes in. Besides, the Cards are doing well this year."_

_She'd just discovered and started watching The Seventh Seal on cable when he came, scooped up the remote in and switched it to a ballgame, ignoring her protests._

_"I wanted to see what the Skeleton Guy was doing." She grabbed on to his arm and struggled to claw the remote out of his grasp._

_He snorted, lifting his arm and her with it. "Nothing good. This is pretty heavy for someone who's only eleven."_

_"I thought you would have loved him." Jennifer gave up trying to get the remote and flopped back on the couch._

_"Why?"_

_"Well, he's all Germanic and everything." She moved to curl up against him, and he lifted his arm so she could get underneath it._

_"Eiser." He rolled his eyes. "He's Swedish, for one. Secondly, what says I have to like everything German?"_

_"Three-fifths of your blood." She pinched his arm._

_"I doesn't work like that, or you'd be munching on crumpets and croissants covered with black forest ham and spaghetti every night." He pinched her back. "Dammit! Fuck you!" On TV, the batter knocked the ball out of the park and scampered around the bases. "Not you, Jenn." He kissed the top of her head._

_She'd long ago learned to ignore his cursing. "I know." She snuggled into his chest, pretending he didn't have to go back to Bragg the next Friday._

_"Hey! The game's on!" The couch jerked as Vince flung himself over the back to land next to her, the baby in one arm. "Why didn't you tell me? Hey Con, she's stinky again."_

_"And?"_

_"Mama's taking a nap. You're stinky! Aren't you? You bet you are!" He smiled and made a face at little Drew, who gurgled happily._

_"And?" Con put an arm behind his head._

_"Pop's out in the garage." Vincent held her out towards them with both hands. Drew smiled and reached for her oldest brother. Jennifer detected a distinct twang of soiled diaper. Vince grinned, "There ya go, Big Brother! Mama always says when they're busy you're in charge!"_

_"Right." Conrad sighed, tipping his head back against the couch to look at the ceiling. Jennifer knew he wasn't really bothered. She'd caught him in the nursery dancing and swinging Drew around, singing about elephants, just last night. He stood in one fluid motion, taking Drew from their brother and lifting her to eye level. "Look here, Rabbit, I was watching the game. I'm submitting a formal request for you to schedule these things between innings or at the seventh inning stretch."_

_Drew smiled and blew spit bubbles._

_"Bet you do that for all the guys. Why can't every girl be cute like you?" Conrad blew a raspberry on her cheek, then tossed her in the air, making her squeal. "Minus the smell, of course. Wow, Vince, you weren't kidding. What's in that baby food? Come on, cute stuff, I don't mind. We'll get you cleaned up." He headed up the stairs. Jennifer heard him start up about elephants again as he went._

* * *

"Does Vincent know?" Jennifer didn't really know who she was asking.

"Yes, he knows. He called us after General Abernathy." Mama brushed Con's hair back again, then reached to pull his blankets up a little higher. "It's cold in here. Can he have another blanket?"

"Sure. I'll leave you all for a bit and let the nurses know you want one." Doc put his hands in his pockets.

"I'm hungry!" Drew grumbled. "The food on the plane was gross, and we missed dinner."

"Drew!" Pop let go of Mama long enough to pull over a chair for himself. "There's a vending machine around here, somewhere. I have a few dollars. The cafeteria's closed by now."

Doc stood from where he'd been leaning against the door. "It is. But don't settle for the vending machine. A few of the local places deliver here. The guards downstairs can bring it up. I'll tell the nurse to bring you one of the menus. Do you want pizza or Chinese?"

"Chinese!" Drew yelped, then cowed at their father's glare. "Please."

Doc nodded. "Chinese good for everyone?"

"Sure." Jennifer hadn't thought she was hungry, but a growl from her stomach told her she was wrong. "Thank you."

Mama let go long enough to scrabble in her purse. "I'm afraid I don't have any cash."

Doc held up a hand. "Don't worry about it. My treat."

Pop reached for his wallet and flipped it open to reveal only a few dollars. "I can't let you-"

Doc's hand stayed up. "You can't stop me, Major. The nurse will come shortly with everything you need. You can call out from here. Just have them deliver it to the lobby for this room. I'll check back in a little bit." He left them.

"Thank you!" Mama called after him.

Drew tried to climb up on the bed, but Pop stopped her. "Not now, Baby."

"But I just want to hug him. Doc said we should touch him." There was a hint of whine in her voice. Jennifer knew she was close to her limit. She was tired. She was hungry. She was probably confused and more than a little scared. Jennifer was too, but she didn't have the luxury of being able to act like a nine year old. Still, she felt she was getting just as close to her limit as her baby sister was treading.

Mama came to the rescue, pulling Drew close. "All these things on your brother need to stay there right now. They're helping him. I want to hug him, too. But you know if we knock or pull something, it could hurt him." She put her head down and whispered almost into her hair. "We want Conrad to be as comfortable as he can. So we can hold his hand and pet his arms and head, even his tummy, if you want, just be careful. You can hug him later, when he wakes up. He'll need lots of hugs then."

Jennifer looked back into Conrad's face. He hadn't moved. She caught herself thinking that maybe he would open an eye, come to now that they were in the room. That somehow, their arrival would wake him up. But he hand't budged. His eyes were taped shut, and the only indication he was alive was the beeping of the monitors and the whoosh of the ventilator. And the warmth of his skin. The wonderful warmth of his skin. She slid her hands over his forearm again, then suddenly stood and leaned over to kiss his cheek. It was rough and stubbly under her lips. She'd never seen him with so much hair on his face. "I love you, Con." It was a whisper, but everyone heard it. She couldn't stop crying, though she really wanted to.

Mama was smiling. Pop, too. Weak smiles. Worried smiles, but smiles.

"Can I do that?" Drew tried to climb up again to reach his face.

"Here." Pop rose and grabbed her around the middle and held her over.

Drew bussed Con's cheek noisily. "I love you, Duke. Bunches. Your face is bushy. You should shave."

"He'll want to when he wakes up." Jennifer stretched and wiped her face with the back of her hand as Pop put Drew back on her feet.

Mama had taken his hand again, then she, too, was crying, and she, too rose to kiss her son, stroking his hair again. "_Ich liebe dich, kleiner. __Ihr Vater ist ein wenig länger warten. Wir brauchen dich hier." _It was whispered, and Jennifer couldn't quite understand it. Something about Pop, or maybe Con's father, the man who she only knew through pictures and stories.

Jennifer looked at her father. He was still standing, hands in his pockets, watching. He glanced at her, then at Mama. Jennifer realized she hadn't seen him touch her brother yet, or talk to him. Pop was now staring at Conrad. He took an awkward step in front of Mama's chair and hunkered by the bed, glancing around at each of them, then back to Conrad. He reached out and roughly tousled his stepson's hair, but the gesture slowed to a soft rub, then stopped. Pop crouched, his fingers still on Con's head. "Champ..." It was loud, too loud, and his voice broke. Pop swallowed and tried again, his voice lower. "Champ. Keep fighting. You did good. Abernathy told me. He told me why you did it. He told me-" Pop's voice broke again. "You've always made me proud. But I've never been prouder than when he told me. Thank you." Pop leaned in to kiss Con's forehead, then pulled back and walked quickly over to the window, his back to them, hand over his eyes.

"What did he tell you Pop?" Jennifer called to her father. He didn't turn. "Pop, what did he do?"

Mama sighed. "Jack...it's okay to be upset. Jack..."

"I'm fine." Pop's voice sounded strange. Strangled. "Jennifer...before you were born, when Conrad was very young, and Vincent was just born, I told him..." Pop took a breath. He leaned down to look out into the darkness; maybe at the parking lot. "I told him that since he was the oldest, he was to always look out for whatever brothers or sisters he had. I didn't realize how much he took that to heart."

"Pop?"

Pop stood straight again, now looking up into the sky. He crossed his arms over his chest. "That weapon was meant for Vincent, Jennifer. Conrad took the blow for him."

Jennifer looked at her father's back, but all she could see were her brothers. Wrestling. Laughing. Con teaching Vince something new. Horseplaying. Fighting. One of those. Always, one of those. Con stalking out of the house, Mama trying to stop him, because Vincent had gotten into it with the little brother of one of the town thugs, and now the thug needed a beating. At least in Con's mind.

"I've brought the blanket you asked for." A kindly older nurse had come in, folded blanket in her hands. "My name is Matthews. I run anything to do with Joes and this one-" She shifted the blanket to one hand to point at Conrad. "_This _one and I have known each other for a bit." She smiled. "He comes in, he drives the staff crazy, then proves every doctor but Greer a fool and gets right back up and out there again." She took a small folded paper menu from where it rested atop her burden and handed it to Mama, then shook out the blanket and pulled it over Conrad, expertly missing every wire and tube.

"They said it's still iffy." Jennifer helped Mama pull the blanket up to Con's chest.

Matthews snorted. "I'll believe it when I see it." She leaned down to closer to Conrad. "That's right, Hauser, I know you can hear me. The only difference this time is you're still and quiet, and frankly, you and I both know that won't last long." She winked at Jennifer. "He'll be up and playing havoc with every shift 'till they're sick of him. Orderlies, too. Mark my words. _Every _time." She looked back to Conrad. "Won't you? I bet you're planning it now."

Mama laughed through her tears. "Is he really in here that often?"

Matthews smile was now for her. "Not often. Enough. Not always for anything major. But that man never does anything halfway, be it on the battlefield or in my ward. They don't make men like that much anymore." She came around Jennifer's side of the bed to lightly pat Conrad on the shoulder. "Don't let that go to your head, Hauser."

The room seemed brighter. Seeing the nurse talk to her brother as if nothing was wrong made Jennifer feel just a bit brighter. She could see Drew smiling over the bedspread, and Mama's tears had stopped. Even if it was a small part in the clouds, it let a little sunshine through. But Pop still faced the window, his fingers gripping the frame. Because it was dark outside, Jennifer could see his face reflected in the glass. His eyes were squeezed tightly shut. He was struggling with something. Jennifer didn't want to think about her father being anything but strong and able to handle it all. She looked up at Nurse Matthews. "Have you been talking to him like this since...since he came in?"

"Sure. He never likes to be left alone for long. Probably why he makes such a pain of himself. He can be quite the chatterbox, when he wants to." A gentle hand came to Jennifer's shoulder. Matthew's fingers were long and her skin a bit wrinkled. "Last time he was here, a bit back now, he told me you were accepted into USC. That's an impressive thing."

Jennifer was amazed. "He talked about me?"

"About all of you. Not by name-never by name. He had a terror of someone finding out who you were and going after you. Though telling me where you were going to school was just about as close, I wager. Man doesn't always make sense. I think he was too proud to hold it in."

"Proud?"

Matthew leaned over to check the IV, and then she glanced at a few of the read outs. "Of course he was proud. He was ready to burst. He'd told me a few years back about dropping a wad on a video camera for you for your birthday. Couldn't wait to tell me you'd gotten into school. Said you'd be the next Ford, Lucas or Spielberg. Actually I think the phrase he used was 'blow them out of the water'. Biggest smile I've seen since he wormed his way out of the Cobra Temple."

"Which time?" Drew had come around to their side of the bed.

"All of them combined." Matthews laughed. "And _you_ must be the little badass."

Mama was shocked. "Little..."

Matthews nodded. "That's right, 'badass'."

"Me?" Drew looked down at herself, grinning. "Pop! I'm a badass!"

"I heard. Don't go repeating that too many places." Pop's eye's hadn't opened, but Jennifer saw him chuckle and shake his head. His hand came up to rub at his eyelids.

Drew sat on the edge of Jennifer's chair. "What'd he say about Vince?"

Matthews stopped what she was doing to look down at them both. "He told me your brother would be one of the best officers the Army's ever seen. He was more thrilled with those bars than if he'd gotten them himself."

"He always turned them down." Pop turned around, finally. "Every time, he turned them down. I never understood it."

"There's something to be said for knowing what you're best at, Major. Not everyone does." Matthews picked up the phone. "How about you glance over that menu and pick out some dinner?"

"Will they be open?" Mama unfolded the Chinese menu.

"Twenty four hours, that place."

Jennifer thought about what she would want. Beef with broccoli, maybe. Won tons. "Can we eat in here?"

"Sure!" Matthews leaned down to check something under the bed. "I'll have someone change that soon." She stood. "Go ahead. He's getting his chow through his arm. I'll find some extra paper towels." The nurse glanced around the room. "Let me get you a pitcher of water and a few cups, while I'm at it. Anything else I can do to make this easier?" This was addressed to Mama.

"No, thank you. You've done so much." Mama rubbed Conrad's chest.

"Right. Back in a bit. Go ahead and call out. Dial nine to get an outside line. Tell them to drop it off at reception downstairs for this room number. Someone will bring it up for you. Doc Greer's already left a note on how to pay." Matthews left.

Dishes were chosen, and food ordered. Pop kept his post by the window. Mama alternately held Conrad's hand, stroked his hair or fiddled with his blanket. Drew took Pop's abandoned chair and sat kicking her legs. Jennifer wasn't sure what to do. She didn't want to leave. She wasn't sure she wanted to stay, either. She had no idea what to do or say. Drew's heels thudded against the chair over and over. The ventilator whooshed. The monitors beeped. It was all too much.

"Hey, Drew. Let's walk around for a bit."

Drew sat up. "Can we?"

Mama didn't break away from Conrad's face. "It might be a good idea for you both, a little walk, just for a bit. Dinner will be here soon. Maybe around the floor. Just don't go anywhere it says not to, or anywhere the soldiers tell you to stay away from."

Pop grunted.

"Come on." Jennifer stood and stretched again. Her stomach growled, but she ignored it. Drew jumped down and joined her. As they left, Jennifer took one last look back at her brother and silently wished nothing would go wrong while they weren't there.

They walked a loop around the ward. Jennifer fought the urge to peer into any of the other rooms. Some were lit, some were dark. She heard loud snoring coming from one. Doc was chatting with Matthews at the nurse's station. Both stopped to look as they passed. Doc nodded. Jennifer lead Drew past the waiting room, through the double doors and down the hall. The guards snapped to as they passed, but didn't salute this time. At the end of the hall, Drew stopped and pulled Jennifer down to her mouth.

"I bet they'll do that every time we go by."

"Probably." Jennifer nodded. "They don't have to, you know. It's a show of respect."

"I know." Drew looked back over her shoulder. "I thought of going back to the doors and then back again to make them do it a few times. But I've changed my mind."

Jennifer was glad. The last thing she needed was to push the affability of soldiers. They were going to be here a while, so long as nothing terrible happened, it wouldn't be a good idea for Drew to make their stay a tedium on the men and women charged with watching over the floor.

They passed the elevators and wandered on. A bank of vending machines guarded the next hall. Drew begged for a soda, but Jennifer had no change, so they kept walking. Double doors branched off every so often, signs announcing their purpose. CT room. MRI. X-Ray. Hematology. Another ward, which they decided not to explore. A few examination rooms, then offices, names on plaques next to the closed doors. There were windows all around, and they stopped to look out at the lights of the city.

* * *

_"Would you ever live in the big city, Con?" Jennifer sipped at her hot chocolate and looked out at St Louis. Every year for as long as she could remember, a day before Christmas Eve, Pop took everyone to the top of the Gateway Arch, claiming the city lights were as good as any. This year he'd cheerfully whistled as he'd packed Mama and the three of them in the car. Jennifer liked to look out both sides._

_Her oldest brother glanced down at her, one brow raised. "Nah. Too many people." It was probably the most he'd said to her in some time. He'd been quieter than she remembered since he'd come back-since that big barbecue that went all wrong, but even before then, to be honest. He tended to get lost in thought as he stared off at nothing. He avoided spending too much time with anyone. Or he'd just disappear. Especially at night. He was so different...but he'd been gone so long, she thought maybe she was remembering him wrong._

_He was talking to her, and that made her happy. Maybe he was better. She smiled and kept talking. "But everything's so exciting! When I grow up, I want to live in a city. New York. Or Los Angeles! Maybe even Paris!" She stood on tip toe and tried to look down. A few windows over, Vincent was pointing out the tree on top of the Continental Life building._

_"Too much noise." Conrad snorted, and walked over to the other side to look away from the city. "Too much fuss. Too many people."_

_She went to stand next to him. "Some people are nice, Con."_

_He didn't answer. He just stared out the window. She could see his jaw working. She reached up and slipped her hand in his. She watched his face, hoping he'd look down at her again. He didn't, but his fingers tightened over hers. He sighed._

_When they got home, he disappeared again. She waited up with everyone, but eventually Mama sent her to bed. She heard Vincent coming up not long after, but he shook his head angrily when she peeked out to check. She went back to bed and, despite her best attempts to the contrary, fell asleep._

_A crash and loud cursing beneath her window woke her. She held her breath, listening to see if Mama or Pop had heard, but there were no sounds of them rousing. She pulled on her robe and slippers and crept downstairs to the front porch-right beneath her window._

_Conrad sat on the steps, his elbows on the top stair, legs stretched over the bottom two. Jennifer could see the porch light play over shards of broken glass on the path in front of him. She stepped out on to the porch, letting the door slam behind her. Vincent had learned the hard way not to sneak up on him, she'd seen it happen. Best to let him know you were there._

_She stopped two steps behind him._

_"Y'scared of me?" He didn't turn. She wasn't sure if he was talking to her or the world in general. "Are ya? Scared? 've me?" His heel kicked at some glass. "Shit." He turned suddenly; blue eyes piercing. "Jenn. Y'scared? Huh?" He turned away again, belching. "Shit. 's right. Fuckin' scare little girls."_

_She didn't answer. She_

_**was **scared, just a little. But she didn't want him to know. Gulping, she crossed the two steps between them and held out her hand. He didn't see it, so she leaned forward just enough that her fingertips, which were quickly getting cold, were even with the tip of his nose. "Come on, Con. It's real late."_

_He looked at her hand, then followed her arm up to her face. "Wha?"_

_His breath smelled of liquor. "It's late, Con. It's cold. You gotta go to bed." She moved her hand closer. "'C'mon."_

_He reached back, twisting around, and carefully enclosed her fingers in his. His big hand swallowed hers. He'd lost his glove somewhere out there in the night. She took a half step back, and Conrad got to his feet. It took some doing. He had to twist and put his free hand down, then shove himself up, grabbing the side of the post and pulling himself shakily to his feet. "'slipped."_

_"I know. It's icy."_

_"Yeah." He towered over her now, but hung on to her hand. She took her time leading him back inside, shutting the door behind them. He made it to the couch in the den and flopped down. " Thissis good." Conrad sighed. "'sgood."_

_"You need to sleep." She pulled a throw from the back of one of the easy chairs and did her best to cover him up. His heavy boots stuck out. She decided to take them off, and crouched at his feet._

_" ...Yeah."_

_The laces were wet and tight, and she couldn't undo the knots. Frustrated, she found herself sniffling, just a bit. She heard a creak, and looked over a shoulder to see Vincent on the stairs. He joined her, and together they got Conrad's boots off. They lined them up next to his feet. Jennifer looked to his face to see if he agreed with how they'd done it. He'd fallen asleep._

_"He's got to sleep it off." Vincent frowned. "I guess he's not going anywhere." He was almost two years older, and Jennifer trusted he knew best. "Mama and Pop'r going to let him hear it tomorrow. Let's go back to bed."_

_Nodding, she followed him to the stairs and up. She stopped on the landing to check that their brother was okay. He was awake. He was watching her. She could feel it._

_"Y'fixd it Jenn. Don' cry any more."_

* * *

"Hey."

Jennifer jumped. She spun to see a man standing behind her wrapped in a light blue robe and slippers. His brown eyes were warm. He had an IV stand next to him, and he was clinging to it with one hand. The smile under his mustache was friendly, kind of warm.

They stared at each other for a minute. Jennifer decided to make the next move. "Hi."

"You're Duke and Falcon's sisters." His voice was rough, but warm. "I don't know your names."

Jennifer waited again, but he didn't say anything more. "I'm Jennifer. This is Drew." She pointed to her sister.

Drew held out her hand boldly. "My codename is 'Rabbit'. What's your handle?"

The man grinned and took Drew's hand. "Bazooka." He blew a bubble, then popped it. "Good to meetcha." He held his hand out to Jennifer.

She took it, letting him shake it gently. "Hi, Bazooka. I guess you got hurt, huh?"

"Naw." He waved it off. "'Twern't nothin'. You came to see Duke."

It wasn't a question, but Jennifer answered it anyway. "Yeah. He's not doing so good."

"Yeah." Bazooka stepped up to the window next to them. "That's tough. Sorry. Betcha you're worried. Are ya?"

It was the first time anyone had actually asked her about it. "Yeah. It's scary. He's always been around." She needed to tell _someone. _Anyone. And he was the first to bother asking. "I don't want Con to die. I guess I'm supposed to have been ready for it, since he's a soldier and all. But I'm not. I don't _want_ him to die. Please tell me he won't die..." She felt the tears roll down her cheeks. Next to her, Drew sniffled.

Bazooka let go of the IV stand and pulled her into his arms. She found herself sobbing into his robe. He rubbed her back. "It's okay, Jennifer. It's okay to be sad 'n scared. It's _right_ to be... right now."

He held her until the she could stop sobbing. He held her until she collected herself. Then he let her go, patting her shoulder, and turned to Drew. "You're the littlest." He put an arm around her.

"Yeah." She wasn't shy, even though he was a stranger. Drew never was.

It worried Jennifer that Drew seemed so collected. She was young, but not too young to see what had happened. Not too young to understand. But there had not yet been the major breakdown Jennifer expected. Whatever was going on in her head, Bazooka had her now.

"He's your biggest brother." He turned her to the hall. "Grab that stand, yeah?"

Drew grabbed on to the IV stand. Bazooka started walking back to the ward, letting Drew pull his V along with them. "I couldn't sleep. Needed a walk. Glad I ran into you both."

Jennifer caught up with them. "We were just walking around. Someone's bringing food. We just got here a few hours ago." Was it just that? It seemed like days.

"Your folks are in there now." They rounded a corner. "You miss supper? Betcha you're hungry."

"Yeah." Jennifer nodded.

"Yeah!" Drew grabbed on to Bazooka's shoulders. "I got orange chicken. Duke says it isn't Chinese. He speaks Chinese, so he knows, I guess."

"Sure." Bazooka looked back to see that Jennifer was keeping up. "He speaks lots of languages. I like orange chicken. Not the peppers though. Those're hot."

"Me neither. Duke eats them whole. He laughs. Duke's really strong." Drew was going back to the classics. Jennifer shook her head.

"Sure." Bazooka nodded.

"When he wakes up, he's taking me in a Sky Striker."

"Cool!" Bazooka set Drew down outside of the doors to the ward. "Sky Strikers are fun. I like them better than Conquests." He pushed a door open and smiled at Jennifer. "Duke's a good brother?"

"Yes..." Jennifer nodded. "He's a good brother. Not around a lot. But he's good."

"He loves you a lot." Bazooka popped another bubble. "Duke's a good guy." He held the door open. "I gotta go to bed. I'm tired now. Bet your food's here."

Jennifer looked into his warm brown eyes. "He's your field commander..."

"Yeah. He's like my big brother, too." Bazooka held the door for them to pass, and then let it swing shut. " 'Night Jennifer. 'Night, Rabbit. Get some sleep soon, if ya can." He popped a final bubble, grabbed his IV stand and pulled it over to his room.

Nurse Matthews looked up from behind the counter. "There you girls are. Your food's here. Your parents have it inside. Hang on." She came out from behind the nurse's station carrying a small duffle bag. "Here." She held the bag out to Jennifer. "This is Duke's. Scarlett put a few things together for him earlier. We couldn't leave it in his room, that's against policy, but think he'd feel better knowing you had possession of it."

Jennifer accepted the bundle. Scarlett. Con's girlfriend? Lover? Jennifer had hoped to meet her. But then, she was probably the same place Vincent had ended up. The bag was jammed full. Drew grabbed on to the strap and tried to get a better look. "What's in it?"

"Just a few things to make him more comfortable. A book. His shaving kit and toothbrush. Something to wear beyond a hospital gown. Pair of slippers. Things like that." Matthews crossed her arms. "Man hates a hospital gown."

Jennifer nodded, walking with Matthews back to Conrad's room, where Mama and pop were setting out plates and Chinese take out containers. She put the duffle on a chair and unzipped it to see inside. An extra large ziplock bag was on top of everything. She took it out, pulling it open. "What's this?" It looked like folded web gear. She reached in and pulled it out. "Oh." There were large brown stains...


	2. Chapter 2

Across the room, Mama started, dropping a handful of wooden chopsticks. "Oh, God..." Her hands went to her mouth as she stared at the splotches.

Pop acted quickly, pulling Mama to him. Jennifer held it up. Conrad's bandolier. It was an anachronism; no one wore things like that anymore. Conrad loved it. Thick heavy webbing. Pouches up and down, and grommets for slinging more gear-he told her he usually carried a grenade or two. A huge brass buckle they didn't put on stuff anymore. And there were big, brownish stains above the buckle.

Drew was looking at them, her mouth open.

"I'm so sorry!" Matthews was at her side in several large steps. "I forgot we put that in there." She rubbed at her eyes. "I did my best to get the stains out. A few more washes, and I'll have it. I'm so very sorry. Let me take that out of here."

Jennifer didn't relinquish it. "No. Please. Let me hold on to it. I'll put it back in the duffle."

Nurse Matthews looked to Pop, holding Mama against him. He nodded.

"It's OK. That's fine. As long as it's out of sight."

"I'll leave you to eat, then." And she was gone.

Jennifer folded the bandolier to stuff back in the bag. Drew reached out and touched it, tentatively, as if it might crumble. Once it was stowed, Jennifer sealed the bag and shoved it back into the duffle, then zipped the bag shut and stowed it under a chair. She went over to the table and grabbed a plate.

"I'm starving! Drew, what do you want?"

She dished out plates for both of them, and they sat and ate in silence. Eventually, Mama pulled away from Pop and sat down, taking up Con's hand once more. Pop got plates for both of them, setting hers on the table next to her chair. She ignored it as the rest of them ate in silence.

The ventilator kept whooshing. The monitors kept beeping. In the hospital around them, doctors, nurses and orderlies went about their business.

"I'm thirsty." Drew spoke through a mouthful of orange chicken and rice.

"That's right, I forgot to order drinks." Pop glance around the room. "The nurse left a pitcher of water and some cups."

"I want pop."

Jennifer was surprised Drew was being so bratty. Now was not the time.

Pop felt the same way. "Young lady, if you think you-"

"Jack." Mama sat up and dabbed at her face. "It's okay. It's fine. There's a soda machine somewhere."

"We saw one down the hall, past the elevators." Jennifer finished her plate. She'd been hungrier than she'd thought she could be.

"You have a few dollars, Jack. Why don't we go and get a few cans of pop?" She stood. "I'll come help you carry. I need to stretch my legs." Mama walked to the doorway. "Come on. You need to see some different walls. We need to figure out what to do next."

Mama and Pop left. "Help me, Drew." She started to gather the plates and chopsticks, and Drew came to help her close the take out containers and put them back into the two paper sacs they'd been delivered in. Finished, she stacked everything on one of the small tables and turned back to her brother. He hadn't moved. He couldn't move. "Con. Conrad, I wish you'd wake up. I don't know what I'm supposed to do." Conrad always knew what to do. He was the one she turned to when she couldn't go to Mama or Pop, and she had no answers. She wrote him. Or waited for his calls, which had become sporadic as missions took him all over the globe, but were as close as he could get to every week or so. Whatever she asked, he'd always had an answer. Not always the one she _wanted, _but an answer. "What do I do?"

He didn't answer, of course. He didn't answer, he hadn't moved; he wasn't going to. Not yet, anyhow. Maybe not ever. The ventilator whooshed. The monitors beeped.

Jennifer rushed over to the television hanging from a bracket on the wall and switched it on. Some black and white movie. Kirk Douglas stalked across the screen. Lana Turner. The Bad and the Beautiful. Jennifer congratulated herself for being able to identify it so quickly.

"I'm thirsty." Drew flopped in a chair. Jennifer glanced over at her, and then looked back at the screen.

"Mama and Pop will be back soon. Probably they want to talk. Get some water from that pitcher." A green plastic pitcher and a stack of large blue cups now sat on the table to the right of the bed.

"But I want pop." Drew pouted.

"Why are you being such a baby? Just get some water. They'll be back with soda pop in a bit." This was a good part, she pulled a chair to the end of Con's bed and sat facing the screen. Behind her, Drew poured herself a cup of water. On the screen Lana Turner walked in on Douglas and whoever played Lila, Jennifer couldn't remember. The shit hit the fan, and Turner played it to thes hilt.

"Wake up." Drew whispered. "Wake up, Duke." This time louder. "Wake up."

"_Drew! _Shh! I'm watching this. Besides, it doesn't work that way." Jennifer was mesmerized by the battle on screen. She heard Drew refilling her glass.

"You asked for it, Duke." Drew's laugh was followed by a splash. Jennifer spun.

"_Drew Falcone what on Earth has gotten into you?"_ Jennifer hadn't heard Pop bellow like that in a very long time. Not since Con put his fist through the car window. She spun back to where they stood in the doorway, both with a can in each hand. Mama looked livid, Pop enraged. Matthews rushed in behind them.

"What's wrong? What happened?"

Drew stood next to the bed, cup in her hand, smile quickly fading to guilt. "I...I just thought..." Her eyes began to fill. "I just wanted him to wake up."

Conrad's face , hair and pillow were soaked. Water dripped from the ventilator. The blanket pulled up over him was damp to his chest. Jennifer held her breath, hoping, maybe irrationally, that he would sit up, coughing and sputtering. Or maybe wince and turn his head, hand coming up to wipe the water away.

He didn't. He just lay there.

Matthews bustled in, putting herself between Drew and her parents. "Now there, no harm done. Just a bit of water. He was due for a spongebath, anyhow."

"Young lady, you're-" Pop took a step in, but Mama stopped him with an arm over his stomach.

"Stop. Jack stop." She gave him a gentle hug, then walked over to crouch next to Drew, taking the cup from her and setting it back on the table. She pulled a tissue from her sleeve. "Sweetling, I know you want him to wake up. But this kind of sleep..." Mama brushed a loose lock of hair from Drew's face. "This is special. This kind of sleep is very deep. He won't wake up. Not until his body's ready. Drew, you need to understand...your brother's body may decide he needs to let go."

Drew's brow crumpled. "But..."

Pop was looking out the window again. Jennifer couldn't leave her chair. She wanted to watch Nurse Matthews, who had pressed the call button and pulled the top blanket from the bed, then bustled out. She didn't want to listen to what her mother was about to say. Mama stroked Drew's hair.

"He's fought very hard, very bravely for a very long time. He's been hurt more than he let you know. It isn't something just anyone could do...but he's not invincible. You know that." She moved to look into Drew's eyes.

"Mama, if he just woke up. He can't go...I'm not ready, he said he'd teach me to drive, and dance at my sixteenth...and come to my graduation and my wedding and..." Jennifer hadn't even known they'd talked about that kind of thing. Drew had never told anyone a thing about turning sixteen, or even getting married.

"Baby, your brother loves you, and he'd never make you a promise he didn't intend to keep. But he's been hurt really badly. And if he needs to let go-if he needs to leave, we have to tell him we love him and say goodbye." She kissed Drew's forehead. "We have to be ready for that."

"Mama no!" And with a scream Drew broke down. "He can't _die! _Mama! It isn't true! I don't want him to! Mama!" The tears finally rolled free, and Drew sobbed lustily. Jennifer watched her mother pull Drew to her tightly, holding her and rocking. It was hard to tell which sobs came from whoß.

Jennifer felt jealous. Too old to have the luxury of a tantrum, a good holler, a really fantastic breakdown. But then Pop's arms came around her, and she kneeled on the chair so she could wrap herself in his comfort. Over his shoulder, she saw Bazooka and two other men in robes standing at the doorway, peering in. All three had mustaches. One was bald. A strange nurse and two orderlies pushed by, carrying sheets and a pillow. Matthews followed with a towel.

"Out, boys. Back to bed." She commanded with the authority of any general.

The biggest man grabbed Matthew's arm. "Is everything okay? Duke all right?"

"He's fine, LaFitte, just a little damper than expected."

"Damp?" The third man looked confused. "This some sort of pool party I wasn't invited to?" He glanced at Jennifer. " 'Evening, Miss. Or, technically good morning."

She gave them a small wave over Pop's shoulder. Drew was still bawling, but it was quieter. Bazooka cocked his head and returned her wave.

"Right, boys, out! You heard me. Get back in bed before I remember I needed to run blood tests on the lot of you." Matthews handed the towel to an orderly and put her hands on her hips. "I'm telling you he's _fine_." The three men fled.

Pop let Jennifer go and stepped back. "It is early. We've been up a long time. We're all tired." He looked at Mama. "You're right, Jane, I'd better get them to the hotel so we can catch a little sleep."

Mama nodded. "This just needed to come. I'm glad it did. I was worried." Drew hid against her, sobs now faded to the occasional sniffle. "Gonzalez is waiting. Call me when you get there."

"We're leaving?" Jennifer wasn't sure she wanted to.

"We are. We need sleep, and we can't do it here." Pop looked to where Matthews and the orderlies waited. "They need to change your brother's bedding, anyhow. He needs a little privacy for that. Your Mama will call us if there's any change."

"Mama?" Jennifer wanted to hear they could stay, or at least stay together. "You're staying?"

Mama let Drew go and dabbed her eyes and nose with a tissue. "Here, blow." Drew did as she was told. "Yes, dear. I'm going to stay with him. I can sleep in a chair, if I need to. I don't feel much like sleeping."

Matthews broke in. "I can probably find a cot. That will at least let you lie back for a bit."

"Can we all have cots?" Jennifer could handle a cot.

"No." Mama smiled, but was firm. "You need a bed. You need rest and to get away, just for a bit. Drew needs a good ten hours sleep. You can get breakfast out, and bring me something. I need to be with him."

There was a time when it was just the two of them. In the beginning, after Mama's first husband died. Before Pop came into the picture. Just Mama and Conrad when he was little. She couldn't for the life of her imagine her brother as a little boy. He'd always been big to her. But when he was little, it had been just him and Mama, and no one else. She took care of him all on her own. And now she was doing it again.

"All right, Mama." Jennifer went and hugged her and Drew together, kissing her mother on the cheek. Then she stood and kissed her brother. The bristles on his face had trapped some water. "Goodnight, Con. I love you. See you tomorrow." She wondered, if he could hear, what was he thinking about it all. Part of him would be laughing.

"Drew, come on, we have to go." Jennifer held out a hand. "We need to sleep."

Drew looked, indeed, spent. The last of her energy had just been used up. All the fight was gone. "Okay."

"Kiss Conrad, okay?" Jennifer helped her perch on a bedrail. "Kiss Duke goodnight."

"Night, Duke." Drew kissed the tip of his nose.

Jennifer whispered in her ear. "Tell him you'll see him tomorrow, so he has something to look forward to."

"See you tomorrow, Duke. I love you."

Jennifer lifted her down. Pop came around, leaned down, and quickly kissed Conrad's forehead. Jennifer had never seen him kiss another man, not even Vince. Certainly never Con.

"Goodnight, son. We'll be back. Hang in there." Just as quickly, he turned to kiss his wife. "I'll call when we get to the room. Sweetheart..." He kissed her again, then held her. "I love you."

Mama kissed him, then held him, then pulled away, giving Pop's hand a final squeeze. "We'll be fine, Jack. I'll wait for your call. Goodnight." She kissed Drew and let pop lead her away. Jennifer followed, listening as Matthews and her team sprung into action.

"Right! Let's get this bed stripped and changed. Marks, Jefferson, get ready to roll him. You don't have to leave, Ma'am, I don't think he'd really mind. Not that he has much say, you're his mother."

They walked down the hall, past the guards, to the elevator. 'Dozer snapped a parting salute as they left. Gonzalez was waiting for them in the lobby. She took them back to the sedan and helped them in. Drew was asleep before they got to the hotel. Gonzalez bypassed the front desk and led them right to a pair of adjoining rooms.

In no time, they were ready for bed. Jennifer rinsed out her toothbrush and helped Drew into her bed. Pop was next door. He'd left the door open between the rooms so they could feel safer. He sat on the edge of his bed, talking softly to Mama, one lamp the only light in the room. Jennifer decided it was best not to listen in. The older she got, the more it occurred to her that Pop and Mama weren't just parents; they were in love. Sometimes, they needed to be with just each other.

She climbed into her own bed and switched out the light.

* * *

_"Jennifer, come to the phone!"_

_She climbed up onto the back deck and hollered into the kitchen. "Now? We just got the music going!" Inside the barn, Vincent had his stereo going. They'd spent all day clearing it out and stringing up lights. Long tables were set up, covered with food and buckets full of ice and soda pop._

_Josh Fortner was rumored to have a flask in his pocket._

_"Yes, right now, this can't wait!" Mama came to peer out the back door, receiver clutched to her chest._

_"All right." With a sigh and another look back over her shoulder, she crossed the deck and went into the kitchen. A huge cake was set in the middle of the table for later. Mama had outdone herself this time. Mama was talking to the caller._

_"Here she is, I'll talk to you in a bit." Mama held out the phone._

_"Who is it?" Jennifer shot her mother a curious look and put the phone to her ear._

_"Happy Birthday!" The line was full of static._

_"Con?!" She couldn't help but grin. "Con, thanks! I thought you'd call tomorrow, that's the actual day."_

_" You said in your letter your party was tonight. Besides, I'm not sure I'll be where I'll be where I can get to a radio tomorrow." A loud burst of scratchy noise interrupted, making her yank the phone away from her ear._

_Drew pushed through the swinging door, looking excited. "Pop says Duke's on th' phone. I wanna talk t' Duke."_

_Mama lead her away. "He called for Jennifer."_

_"Mama!"_

_Jennifer held the phone to her head again. "Con...it's all noisy."_

_"Best I can do, I'm afraid. This call is going on through more than a few link-ups. But I can hear Rabbit."_

_"You want me to put her on?" Jennifer really didn't want to, but then, he might not call again for a while._

_"N******** mu***** time!"_

_"Say that again?" She'd missed it._

_"I said, no, I don't have much time!" He sounded a little exasperated. "Dammit, Breaker, is this the best you can do? I know your budget, I sign off on it. The least you co***** is ge*** **d ***n radio call."_

_Someone muttered something, and the line got clearer. The strange voice suddenly became clear. "-y it now."_

_"Con? I heard that better!" The static was quieter._

_"Yeah? Good. Look, I don't have much time, but I wanted to call while I could." There was a rattle. "Hang on, let me sit down." An odd echo attached itself to his voice._

_"Where __**are **you?" He never told her where he was going, he only told her where he'd been. She had a map on her wall, and every time he told her about someplace else, she put a pin in it. There were a lot of pins._

_"Egypt."_

_Egypt? "There are **phones **in Egypt, Con." Whatever he was there to do, it must have been take care of, or he wouldn't be telling her._

_"Not this part." He laughed._

_"What's it like?"_

_"Hot. And then at night it's cold. There's a lot of rock and sand, in this part. We'll be back in civilization day after tomorrow, though. We're heading to Cairo."_

_"Why not call me then?" She'd prefer more time with him._

_"I'll be wrapped up in meetings with officials and politicians." He snorted. "It'll take a few days. Then I have to get back and do the same in DC. Besides, you'll already by sixteen by then."_

_"I'm already sixteen now, Con." She sat on a kitchen chair. Drew started whimpering again. Mama shushed her and sent her out to the barn with a bag of potato chips._

_He laughed. "By my watch you've been sixteen for all of forty five minutes. How does it feel?"_

_"Okay, I guess."_

_"What?" The static was back._

_"I said-__**okay, I guess**."_

_"Oh. Good! It's supposed to be sweet!" There was mumbling on his end. "Right. Tell them to move on that. Hey, kiddo, the satellite's going to be too far along to do me any good soon. Have a good party. Tell the boys not to touch you anywhere unless they don't care about having fingers anymore."_

_"Ha-ha, Con." The static grew louder._

_"What? Dammit Breaker, two more minutes!"_

_"Tell Sparks to work on it at __**his **fucking end!" The static suddenly dropped by half._

_"Watch your fucking mouth! My kid sister's listening!" He sounded angry._

_"I said 'ha-ha' Con." Jennifer had heard her brother swear plenty of times. He held others to higher standards._

_"Oh. I got you. Don't drink too much, either, huh? I'd prefer you don't drink any."_

_"Why would you say that?" She felt herself blushing. She was relieved Mama hadn't thought to listen in on the other line._

_Conrad just laughed. "Be careful, right? Listen, this is going fast. Love you! Have a great party! I'll try to be there for seventeen! Put Mama back on!"_

_"Okay! Love you! Thanks! Be careful out there!" She handed the phone back to her mother._

_"Kleiner? It was good of you to call. We love you and miss you, dear. Be careful, will you?" She listened for a bit. " I...yes, all right." Mama nodded as if he could see her. "Right. I will. Are you coming for Christmas? I said...are you coming..." Mama paused, sighed, and tried again. "Will we see you for...? Oh..." She hung up, and turned to Jennifer. "He's gone. Wasn't that nice? I suppose we'll hear from him again soon."_

* * *

A gentle hand shook her awake. "Jennifer. Hey." She opened her eyes to see her father standing over her. From the look of his eyes, he hadn't slept well. But he was freshly shaven and his hair was still damp from the shower.

Jennifer sat up, rubbing her eyes. In the other bed, Drew still slept, clutching her old battered bear. She was too old for him, really, but now was not the time to tell her. "Pop? What time is it?"

"Almost eleven. I let you both sleep."

"Eleven?!" She swung her legs out from under the covers. Drew roused at the yelp. "We should be back there!"

Pop held up a hand. "Don't worry, I already spoke with Mama. Everything's the same. Nothing happened since we left. You both needed the sleep."

Drew sat up,her eyes still half closed. "Pop?"

"Get showered and dressed girls. I'm going to take you to breakfast. We'll get something to bring to your mother."

Jennifer slid out of bed and padded to the bathroom. Drew took the shower as soon as she was done. Both got reads as soon as possible. They were clean, dressed and in the diner downstairs eating pancakes within the hour. Jennifer looked around at the other diners. They all seemed so normal. Where were they going, and why were they there? None of them had a brother in a coma in the hospital. They'd go to jobs, or meetings. She and Drew were the only people there under twenty-five. She wondered if any of them had a clue why she was there, or was even curious.

They finished, and Pop ordered coffee and breakfast to go. They walked up front to pay at the register, and Jennifer saw the big green sedan pull up outside. Gonzalez climbed out and stood waiting for them. Jennifer wondered how she knew where they were.

"Go on girls, I'll be out in a bit. Take Mama's breakfast."

Jennifer grabbed the small bag of clothes Pop had gathered for Mama. She herself had thought to dump out her purse and throw both her and Drew's Walkmen and a handful of cassettes in. At the last minute, she'd grabbed three of the videotapes stowed in her luggage.

The trip to the hotel had been in the dark. Now it was nearly mid day, and Jennifer looked out at the town as they made the trip back to the hospital. It was bigger than Musick's Ferry by far. But it still had a small-town feel. Something about being in a new place. Some special feeling of being alien. Not negative, just different. She'd felt it when she moved on to campus in Los Angeles. Vincent had told her he felt it every time they moved to a new post, back when they were kids. The need to explore. She wished she were here under better circumstances. Maybe when Conrad was awake and everything a little more certain, she could take a day to wander around.

She caught herself being optimistic, and the shock of reality hurt. Maybe he wouldn't wake. It took her a minute to realize that was perfectly fine. There was nothing wrong with hoping for the best. She took a deep breath to clear the pain in her chest.

Into the parking lot. Through the lobby. Up the elevator doors. Jennifer was surprised 'Dozer wasn't there to greet them when the doors slid open. She realized she shouldn't be, but she was. Instead, a short skinny Asian man greeted them.

"Word, Slingshot?"

"Meatlover's Deluxe."

The short soldier giggled and winked at Jennifer.

Gonzalez sighed, rolling her eyes. "Stow it, Sprite." She pushed past him. They followed. Sprite's grin didn't fade until Pop stepped out. Then it slid right off his face.

He snapped to and saluted. Pop ignored him.

"Those are some weird security words." Jennifer glanced at Gonzalez, who was still stewing.

"Been that way since before I was posted here. It's what happens when the guy running the security detail's short on ideas and given access to as much take-out as he can handle." She grinned. "Still, we find Cobra's had a really hard time cracking them."

"I imagine it never occurs to them that it could be that simple."

"Or that stupid." Gonzalez laughed.

"Is he called Sprite because he's so little?" Jennifer was still struck that the soldier hadn't been much taller than her.

"No, he just really likes lemon-lime soda. Stows cans and bottles of it everywhere." Gonzalez stopped at the swinging doors.

Jennifer grinned. "Aren't you off now? You were here last night, and I guess the shift's changed."

"You guys are my responsibility. It's my duty to get you where you need to go and keep you all safe while you're here. I get naps and stuff when I can. Last night I found an empty room when you were up here." Gonzalez held a door open, letting Pop and Drew through.

Jennifer hesitated. "Guess you lost the straw-pull huh? Thanks."

"Nope. I won." Gonzalez's smile was sincere. "And there were a lot of straws. You're very welcome. I'll be back down in the Lobby if you need me."

Jennifer walked past the Nurse's station, waving to the woman on duty. It wasn't Matthews, as she hoped it was. She glanced over the board, praying to see some sort of change she could recognize. There wasn't, and the red notation "IC" had not been erased.

Still, his name was still there. Mama would have called if something horrible had happened in the night, she knew. But just seeing the name there delivered a small gift of comfort. She rushed to her brother's room to see for herself.

He lay as he had the day before. The blankets, sheets, even his pillow-everything changed since Drew soaked him last night. But it all seemed exactly the same. Mama had pulled a chair up to one of the tables and was opening the foam box they'd brought from the diner. Drew and Pop stood on each side of the bed. Jennifer watched as her sister took up Conrad's hand, putting her tiny palm against his. Her little fingers barely made it to his knuckle. She leaned over so she could hold it to her face, then kissed it.

Jennifer walked over to stand beside her. "Hey, Con. We're back. How're you doing?" It was a perfectly reasonable question that he was completely incapable of answering.

Mama answered for him. "He's doing wonderfully. A few nurses came through last night, and they all remarked at how strong he is, how well he's looking. Isn't that right?" She ended with a look to Conrad.

"Did you manage to get some sleep?" Pop came up behind and leaned over to kiss her cheek. Mama reached back to rub his head as he slid his arms around her.

"Oh yes, thank you. I caught a few naps." She sipped her coffee. "This is a wonderful breakfast!"

Jennifer noticed that she'd only taken a small forkful of eggs. She imagined her mother had gotten a similar amount of sleep, if any. The cot set up under the window looked unslept in. Although it was just like Mama to remake any bed she'd used as crisply as possible, she'd more than likely not moved far from Conrad's bedside. Jennifer had been in the hospital once in her life; her appendix had blown at a softball game. Mama spent the entire first night by her side, holding her hand, brushing her hair back from her brow and soothing her with words, even a few songs. Jennifer knew; last night, their mother had been right by Con's side, doing the same for him.

Pop nuzzled up close to Mama's ear. "Eat more, darling. You didn't eat any dinner."

She leaned into his embrace. "I will, Jack. Don't worry. I'm fine." She looked back so they could kiss. Jennifer caught Drew making a face.

She used to feel the same way. Now, her mind was changing. She had more than one friend whose parents had split up, and her parents were still affectionate. Not all the time, Pop wasn't exactly Captain Romance-but they both had their moments.

She remembered pretending to gag on one of their anniversaries when Pop had burst into the den from the kitchen with flowers, chocolates, diamond earrings-the whole shebang. She'd mimed a retch as they'd kissed each other.

* * *

_"Oh, blech."_

_Vincent rolled his eyes. "Please, spare us!"_

_Conrad, home on leave from Bragg, watched from where he held Drew in his easy chair, his sock-clad feet aimed at the fire. He was smirking. Jennifer sidled up to him. "Gross, right?"_

_"Nah. It's okay." He looked down at the baby. "It's why you guys and this one showed up. Right?" He peeked down at the swaddled bundle. "Right Rabbit?" He squished her nose with one finger. She laughed, grabbed it and pulled it into her mouth. "Gum away, short stuff."_

_Pop and Mama went into the kitchen to look for a vase. Jennifer was pretty sure they'd kiss again once there, and elected to not follow, even though she was hoping to be offered a chocolate. "It doesn't bother you at all?" She couldn't help but glance at the portrait of his father. Pop had no problem with it being there, and she didn't quite understand. When she was smaller, it was just a part of the décor and a source of some stories about a nice man whose death no one would give her the exact details of. Lately, she'd been looking at the picture more, and thinking about everything she knew and didn't. Aside from the loud battles of a few years ago, a period everyone wanted to forget, Pop and Con seemed to get along reasonably well. But she'd started to wonder if Con resented the whole thing. Pop wasn't his father. Looking back, she saw him watching her. His blue eyes flicked to the portrait, then back._

_"Mom and Jack? No. They're happy." He reached out and pulled her closer, then pulled her down to whisper in her ear, grinning as if he was going to confide some deep secret. "Besides, it sure beats the alternative." He let go so she could straighten up. His brows were raised. It all seemed light-hearted. Yet it wasn't. The face was smiling, but something else shone from deep within in his eyes. Something sadder. He held her gaze for a second or two, then grinned back down at their baby sister. "Yeah?" He lifted her up to his face so they could touch noses. "Beats the alternative!"_

* * *

"Duke!" Drew flopped in a chair and patted his arm. "Hey! I forgot to tell you! We met Bazooka. And Doc, but I guess you heard that. Slingshot and some guy named 'Dozer. I think that was Alpine and Gung-Ho looking in after the whole water thing." She looked guilty. "Sorry about that. Then there was a guy this morning named Sprite. He was looking at Jennifer's butt in the hall."

"Wait, what?" Jennifer dropped into her own chair. Someone had brought up the morning paper. She pulled out the comics and handed the rest to Pop, who was frowning. "Say that again?"

"He was. When we were walking down the hall. He looked at your butt the whole way. Then he held his thumb up to the other guards." Drew demonstrated the gesture for them and turned back to Duke. "Pop let me order pancakes, bacon, eggs _and _sausage and dump on all the syrup I wanted. How often does _that _happen?"

Pop was halfway to the door paper under one arm, but stopped when Mama turned from her breakfast and raised a hand.

"Jack, leave it. Now's not the time."

Grumbling, Pop went back to sit next to her. He shook out the paper and hid behind the front page.

"Hey, Jennifer, pass the comics." Drew reached out.

"When I'm done."

"You take too long, let me read them first!" She slid down and walked around the foot of the bed. "I'll be faster."

Jennifer sighed. "I got to them first. Just be patient for once."

"I want to read them to Duke. He likes it when I read him Spider Man." Drew grabbed a corner of the paper and pulled it down so Jennifer could see bespectacled eyes. "You'll just have to wait, Drew." Jennifer yanked the paper back.

"But..." Drew looked ready to do battle.

"Stop." Pop didn't even bother lowering the front page to glare. His voice was enough. "This stops, now."

Drew flounced out of the room, grumbling something about needing to help with the comics.

It was true, to a certain extent. When she was younger and he was home on leave, Conrad helped Drew practice reading with the daily funnies. At first, he'd read them all to her, pointing to the word bubbles in each frame. Eventually, when her skills were better, they'd take turns down both pages. Drew always read Spider Man to him. Mama had remarked that he'd done it with Vincent, too, when they were both boys. Never with Jennifer. By the time she was learning to read, he'd dropped out of college and enlisted. She couldn't remember if he had been deployed to Vietnam or not. The most she remembered of him from that time was a visit to San Francisco, when he'd wowed them all by taking them to Chinatown and ordering the whole dinner in Chinese. That, and the letters he sent home that made Mama cry.

"Should I go after her?" Mama closed the box, finished with breakfast.

"No, she'll be fine. There are soldiers all over this hospital. She can't get in much trouble. I imagine if she gets too far, one of them will either stop her or let us know. Maybe she just needs some time to work things over a little more." Pop stood and walked to switch on the TV. "Game's on, Champ. Let's have a listen." He sat back down with the remote and flipped to a baseball game.

She caught Mama's smile. Jennifer hadn't ever really thought about the relationship between her father and oldest brother. When together, they got along well. Aside from cousin Patricia, the odd bully and Cobra, Duke was generally an amiable man, as was Pop. They seemed to enjoy each other's company. She'd not really thought of either of them having any moment that could be defined as 'touching' or emotional-not even when Conrad came home from southeast Asia. But now Pop was chatting to her comatose brother about the game as if it were any normal afternoon, as if they were in front of the big-screen in the basement instead of in a hospital room filled with machines. And he wasn't just doing it for Mama's sake.

"Cards are playing the Astros. We've got a stake in this one, Champ. Gonna go all the way this year." Pop folded the paper and put it on the table next to the leftovers of Mama's lunch.

Having finished the comics, Jennifer got up and helped herself to the local section and the entertainment section. She wanted to learn a bit about Keystone City. She also assumed that the television might be providing a good amount of distraction, and she might as well figure out what was on. She glanced through, listening to the game and Pop's chatter with half an ear. If she could just ignore the whooshing and beeping, she'd be able to pretend it was just another day.

She was halfway through an article about the ongoing investigation into an airline collision when a nurse came in with a clipboard and a bag of something. She smiled and nodded, then hung the bag on the IV stand and attached it to the drip. She removed the empty bag, and then looked over the monitors, making notes on the clip board.

"What's that for?" Jennifer couldn't decipher the writing on the bag. She was surprised to see that particular line didn't run into his arm, but his chest.

"Parenteral Nutrition." The nurse looked up from her notes with a smile. "It's lunch."

"Doesn't that go down his nose?"

The nurse looked surprised. "Yes. Quite often, actually. We may go to that in a week or so. But sergeant Hauser isn't a fan of tubes, and he's already got the ventilator and the catheter. Doctor Greer prefers to have fewer to have to remove."

It didn't look very filling. Conrad liked his chow. Jennifer had seen her brother down three of Pop's thick-pattied cheeseburgers in a sitting more than once "What's in it?"

"Basic nutrients, hydration, and electrolytes. It will keep him going." The nurse made a few final notes. "Nurse Matthews is coming back on in an hour. We're going to have to come in to flush out a few of his lines, the ventilator, too."

"Does any of this hurt?" Last night, Jennifer had sat awake wondering if he was in any pain. The wound was serious, and none of the tubes looked comfortable. But if he was hurting, how would they know? She took hold of his hand, stroking over the golden hairs up his arm, wondering if the touch would soothe some of the hurt away.

"It's not fun, no. See that?" The nurse pointed to a bottle. "That's a pretty strong painkiller. It's set to deliver a dose every half hour." She smiled sincerely. "We want him to feel as little discomfort as possible."

"Thanks. That's kind of a relief to know."

"If you do have any more questions, feel free to come out and ask." She picked up the empty IV bag s she left.

"A physical therapist came this morning to move his muscles." Mama pulled her chair back over to the bedside and reached down to pat Conrad's leg.

"Really?" Jennifer folded the paper and scooted next to her.

"Mmm-hmm." Mama nodded and reached to take his hand. "They flexed and stretched him from his fingers to his toes. It's good to keep him moving." As if to demonstrate, Mama went through each of his fingers, bending and straightening them at each joint. A few pops announced his joints cracking. She ended by flexing all the fingers back and releasing them, then gently bending his wrist. Jennifer wondered if she was supposed to have taken up his other hand, but she was nervous about possibly disturbing the monitor clipped to a finger, or, worse, pulling out the IV. She watched as her mother wove her small slim fingers through Conrad's long, strong ones. His hand dwarfed hers. "Your brother never could sit still for long."

He couldn't. Even if sitting at the kitchen table, he'd drum his fingers, jiggle his leg- _something_. He preferred having a conversation while walking-in fact, some of her best conversations with him had been on hikes or trail rides. Conrad could, say, watch a football game with Pop and Vince, but he'd find excuses to get up frequently. Beer. Snacks. A stretch. More than once he'd ended up grabbing a weight or barbell and knocked out some workout. He was most able to sit if he had a book in his hands, but even that wasn't for long, he could stretch it out if perhaps Drew or cousin Emma or Kai had fallen asleep on him. Con was only ever still if he was asleep himself. Recently, she had discovered that even sleep wasn't enough to hold him down.

* * *

_The yell stopped her in her tracks in the dark living room. She'd never heard anything like it, and Jennifer's neck prickled and her fingertips tingled with cold. Rage, pain, terror...lonliness-all of it wrapped into a loud, keening howl coming from the basement._

_She looked at the clock. It was two. Way past her curfew. Neither Pop nor Mamma had waited up. She knew she was in trouble before she left the party, and she hadn't exactly rushed home. She was going to definitely get lectured tomorrow. Better get to bed._

_But she paused on the bottom step, looking across the darkened room to the swinging kitchen door. Suddenly, a line of light popped up at it's base. Jennifer quietly picked her way around the living room furniture and gently pushed the door a few feet open. Conrad stood by the back door, facing away from her, looking through the small window and out across the sloping back lawn. He was barefoot, clad in a pair of dark grey sweat pants and nothing else. Under the bright kitchen light, she could make out a few tattoos and the map of scars over the muscles of his back. Some were familiar, she'd come to know them when they went swimming in the river or at the Y. But two she didn't recognize, one of which still looked pink, puffy and new. She could even make out where the stitches had been._

_Conrad sighed, then ran a hand through his hair, duking his head when his fingers reached his neck. He turned slowly, hand following a path back and then down over his face. She could see more scars, more tattoos. He had more damaged skin than ink. His dog tags dangled from his neck. He grumbled quietly to himself. Not words, just a low growl of discontent. Worried about what he would think if he caught her spying, she backed out carefully, then faked a sneeze and pushed the door boldly open. He hadn't time to move, but he knew she was coming._

_"Oh, hey Con. Are you still up?"_

_He glanced down at his bare chest, brows raised. "I guess. You just get in?" His blue eyes flicked to the clock. "Damn, girly-girl, you're going to catch it, aren't you?" His muscular arms crossed over his chest. "No crime worse than coming home after Mama and Jack give up and go to bed. You OK?"_

_"Fine." Jennifer went to the refrigerator and pulled the door open. "Nothing I can do about that now. You don't seem mad." She grabbed the milk carton._

_"Mmmmmm." His voice was indecisive. "Climbed up the porch and into my window a few times myself."_

_She shut the fridge. "Really? You?"_

_He grinned. "Yeah. Vince never told you? I had to climb over his bed to do it. He was pretty small at the time, but he remembers." Conrad opened a cabinet and fetched down a glass. He held it out to her. "Don't live by my example."_

_"Thanks." She took the glass, then held up the carton. "I'm going to heat this up. Want some?"_

_He cocked his head, then shrugged and retrieved a second glass. "Don't mind if I do, thanks."_

_Jennifer poured two glasses and took them to the microwave. When she was little, and he babysat, Conrad had followed Mama's example and heated milk for everyone on the stove. The microwave was faster, but both Mama and Con swore it wasn't as good. Still, he let her set the time without a word of complaint. "What happened when you got caught?"_

_"You're going to find out tomorrow, I wager." He pulled out his chair at the kitchen table and lowered his big frame. "At least one of them's probably still up now."_

_"Seething?"_

_"Worrying." Conrad raised a brow. "If they heard you come in, they're probably pretty relieved. But no one's going to come down 'till tomorrow, and by then, they'll have let the anger build." He jiggled his leg up and down. "Yeah. You'll hear it." He pointed at her with one finger, then mimed the kick back of his pistol. "Up before the firing squad."_

_"Very funny, Con." The microwave pinged, and she used the kitchen towel to pull down a glass at a time, topping each one off with a dollop of cold milk. "Sugar?"_

_"Spoonful, thanks."_

_Milk warm and sweetened, she brought the glasses to the table and sat next to him. "Firing squad? Really?"_

_"It'll feel like that. Grounded, though." He took a careful sip, then a longer one. "They'll do a twofer."_

_"Wait, what?"_

_"You and Vince."_

_"Vincent wasn't allowed out tonight. You heard Pop. He got a 'D' on his civics quiz." Neither Mama nor Pop could abide by sloppy grades._

_Conrad smiled over the rim of his glass as he took a third sip. "Vince snuck out about two hours after you left. He's not back yet."_

_"Pop's going to have a conniption." She thought. "If he finds out."_

_"Hmmmm. There's no 'if'." He cracked his neck, then his back._

_"You're not going to rat him out, Con?"_

_"Nah. Not me. Like I said, I used to have to climb over his bed getting in. Kid never let out a peep." He set his glass down. "I'll return the favor. But I still got caught a good number of times."_

_"Pop?"_

_Conrad shook his head. "Jack's just the executioner. Mama can see right through to your lying little soul."_

_She laughed, nearly choking on her milk. Some came out her nose. He pulled a paper napkin off the stack in the middle of the table and handed it to her. "You sleep OK, Con?" It slipped out. She'd wanted to ask, but knew better of it._

_"Hmmm."_

_"That a yes or a no?" She dropped her hand on his arm, tracing a finger through the golden hair and down to his wrist._

_"Hmmm." He looked at her, his eyes for a moment allowing her to see deeper into him than ever. There was something lost in there. Alone in the dark. Suddenly, he smiled. The window shut. "Now why would you ask me that?"_

_Jennifer's history teacher had recently had a vet come in to talk. He'd been burned over half of his body. He'd told the class just a few of the things he'd seen in action. Neither Conrad nor Pop ever talked about anything to do with the horrors of their service. As Jennifer walked up the drive that day, it had suddenly occurred to her that not only had Conrad seen all that, but he was still serving. What kinds of nightmarish experiences was he still enduring? She hid behind her glass so he couldn't read her. "I dunno. You're dressed for bed. Just wondering." She kept her hand on his arm._

_"Not something you need to worry about, Jenn."_

_"You mean you sleep OK?"_

_"I mean I don't want you to worry about it." His glass was empty. He rose, letting her hand slip from his arm, and put it in the sink. Then he came back to rest a hand on her shoulder and kiss her head. "Go to bed now, yeah? It's late. I'll take care of the glasses."_

_"Okay, Con." She drained her glass, and he took it from her. "Night."_

_"Night, Jenn. Oh, by the way..."_

_She turned at the door. "Yeah?" He at the sink, rinsing both glasses, his back to her._

_"That was the fakest sneeze I ever heard."_

* * *

Conrad had no choice, now. Mama was holding up his hand and massaging the space between his thumb and his fingers. Jennifer put her palm flush against his. He could curl his fingers right over the tips of hers. He often did. She slid her hand up so their fingertips matched, but now her palm was in line with the base of his thumb. For the first time, she noticed his Medal of Honor Society ring was gone. He never bragged, he rarely talked about it at all, really, but Conrad went to whatever meetings he could and enjoyed playing a role in the Society. He'd be mad about losing the ring.

She found the duffle, ripped open the zipper, pulled out the bandolier without looking too hard at the stains, and rooted around inside. There was a set of bright mustard-yellow pajamas and a pair of sweats. His shaving kit lived in the familiar brown faux-leather bag, and his toothbrush was attached to a tube of toothpaste with what looked like a black hair elastic. A pair of slippers, beyond broken-in, sat at the bottom next to a large ziplock bag, inside which she found on close inspection contained his watch-that crazy thing on the thick leather cuff-a few plastic ID cards, a small set of keys and some loose change. She sighed, relieved, when she saw the ring inside. She shoved the bag back in and puled out a ratty paperback novel. It was the same mystery Mama had been reading a few months ago, one of a series by an author both she and Conrad admired. Mama called the detective a 'strong female lead', while Con had, when Mama wasn't around, referred to her as a 'badass hot chick detective'.

The book looked like it had been through Hell and back. The pages were dog eared back to front, the cover ripped, creased and dirty. Jennifer riffled the pages and discovered to her surprise that there were notes written all around the printed text-crammed into any space. She opened the book fully to a page right in the middle. The notes were in two different colors, blue and red. Two different hands had annotated this story; Jennifer recognized her brother's handwriting, but the red notes were alien.

She glanced over the notes. A passage was underlined, her brother's comment connected by a line:

' _She_ _has fired a damn gun. Few get this right. Of course she's going to lose her hearing in a trash can.'_

There was a red note underneath.

_'Yeah. She's spent time on the range, or spoken in depth with someone who has.'_

Then the blue again.

'_Haven't you been to Santa Barbara? That's what this is supposed to be, right? Snta Teresa = Snta Barbara?'_

More red.

'_Been once. For a weekend. I couldn't tell you.'_

Jennifer flipped to another page. The notes were making some sort of comment on the fact that it was too easy to get into public records. After a few pages, it became obvious that the blue notes were all written at one time, and the red had all come after. Conrad had read the novel, and handed it off to someone else, notes inside. Jennifer riffled at random to another page.

It wasn't the steamiest of love scenes, but the detective was apparently enjoying overnight company.

Again, the blue notes came first. This one took all the blank space on the page.

_' Give you any ideas, Fox? Lets get a weekend pass, maybe two nights. Take a short road trip. Bet we could wrangle it out of The Boss. In fact, next leave we've got up, let's go away for a week or two, just you and me...wanna?'_

Red pen: '_Sounds wonderful. Tell me more...wait...family?'_

Back to blue, which had underlined a specific detail of lovemaking. Conrad had drawn a winking face in the margin next to it. Underneath, the red pen had drawn a line of little hearts.

Blushing, Jennifer flipped to the back of the book. A folded slip of paper fell out. She tucked it behind the cover to read the final notations.

Blue: _'All's well that ends...almost well. KM is my favorite detective, I shit you not. Reminds me of this hot chick I know. Your turn, Little Fox. Hey, I love you- C.' _He'd drawn a heart with an arrow through it. Jennifer glanced to her brother. "You big ol' softy, you."

Red: '_You have good taste, My Love. I mean about detectives- I mean...I found the wildflowers outside the door this morning. Did you leave them after your run?'_

There was a big lipstick kiss on the final page. Jennifer smiled. "Awwww."

"What?" Mama looked confused.

"Oh, never mind." Jennifer opened the folded paper.

_'Duke,_

_If you wake up before I get back, know that I love you more than I can ever say. You scared the Hell out of me. Stop doing that, you jerk. I don't know what it's like to be without you anymore. I don't want to know._

_Why do we both keep doing this?_

_You're wrong. I don't give one fuck for five years' difference, stop worrying about it. Forget about Mike-he's my age, but he isn't YOU. The past is best off there, in the past. Let's just keep moving on together, okay? You make me feel like no one ever has._

_About Falcon-I know people have judged-you're right, there's some bad feeling there. But a lot of people value your opinion-they'll listen to you. He doesn't hate you... I just saw him cry over you. He's going to shape up, you're right. I believe you. He's more like you than I thought at first. It's going to be all right._

_Just tell me when I get back that it's all going to be all right._

_Just wait for me, My Love, please wait. I'll be there soon!_

_Love,_

_Scarlett.'_

Jennifer folded the note and put it back between the pages of the novel. She almost set it on the table next to his bed, but thought better of it and shoved it deep in the duffle. It was private. She felt bad for snooping, but at the same time, seeing another side of him was a gift. He was kind. He was warm, even-at least with family and friends. But it hadn't occurred to him he could be sweet and romantic. The last time she could remember seeing him being even close, he'd been crushed, rejected. But she was small then. She couldn't remember him talking about a woman in particular since, not until they'd found out about Scarlett, since he'd allowed even a hint of the fact that they were involved. Even then, maybe in deference to Pop, he tended to be tight-lipped.

But here was the evidence. Conrad had managed to allow someone in, and they apparently had something good going. He had someone, just for him. And hopefully, they'd get to meet her in the flesh soon. Jennifer wondered if Drew would be jealous.

"Hey! Where's Drew?"

Mama looked at the clock on the bed table. "She's been gone a bit. I should go look for her."

"You stay here." Pop stretched as he got to his feet. "I'll go."

Mama stood as well. "You'll go right to have a word with that Sprite boy. I'm coming with you."

"Ah. Well, you're right, yes. You come and protect him, then." Pop held out a hand. "But I imagine what I could do will pale in comparison with what Big Brother has planned, right Champ?" He glanced at Con, then took Mama's hand. "Back in a bit, Princess."

"We'll bring a few snacks. I want to look over the cafeteria." Mama trailed behind Pop. "Jennifer...I want you to use this time you have alone with him. Please. Talk to him. Tell him you love him. Tell him...tell him what you feel. Just in case, we should all take turns."

"Mama. No, you're right. It's a good idea." Jennifer waved. She leaned close to look at Con's face. She felt crazy, but she could have sworn she saw his eyebrow lift when Pop had spoken. "Con?"

She waited a full minute, but nothing happened. She told herself she'd been imagining it and sat back in the chair. The game was still on. Cheers roared from the television. She picked up the remote and turned it down.

"You big softy, Con." She grinned, slapping him lightly on the stomach. "Don't be mad, I read some of the notes in your book. She left you a different one, too. On paper. Want me to read it?"

Jennifer hauled the duffle back on her lap, unzipped it, and reached in to feel around till she could get the note out of the book. A sick feeling in her stomach accompanied the thought that maybe he'd die before Scarlett came back, and he'd never have known what she'd written. She read it to him. Nervously at first, knowing he wouldn't be completely happy with the breach of privacy, but by the end she felt better about it. Now he knew. That is, if he heard.

"She loves you Con. I think that's really..." She couldn't find words that didn't sound trite. "You deserve it." That was pretty good. "I really hope she makes you happy. I want to meet her. I'm pretty sure I'll like her, if you do."

The conversation felt too one-sided. Sometimes, when she was angry or upset and he was home and needed someone not Mama or Pop, she'd gone to him. He always patiently sat and listened while she let it out. He waited till she was done to respond. Jennifer pretended it was one of those times. It helped.

"I love you, too, Con. You know that. You've always been around...I mean, not at home, lately, not as much as I ever wanted. But I just like knowing you're around. That if I _really _needed you, you'd come." She gulped. "Bet you didn't know I found out that you're helping pay for school. I did. They slipped up and sent a statement to me." She'd always wondered how her parents could afford USC. She'd researched and started applying for loans a day after the acceptance letter. Then Mama had happily told her not to worry; it was covered. But Jennifer knew that was a stretch. She'd found the answer in a mis-mailed letter. His name was on it. '_Payee: Conrad Hauser.' _ She'd sealed it up and sent it back with a note of the right address...called the office and told them herself, just to be sure. Jennifer had never told anyone she'd found out.

"Thanks so much for that. I don't know if I'll ever be able to pay you back. But I swear, I'm going to try. You need that money for your kids, when you have them." An odd thought, Conrad having kids. She'd grown up expecting it to happen, somehow. She'd end up an aunt one way or another. It was a word she only applied to old people, though. "I'll pay you back, Con. Every penny, even it if takes me years."

She could imagine him telling her not to. Jennifer knew her brother would be hard to convince to accept the repayment. But she vowed to do it.

"Con. Con, I hope you can hear me. This is scary, Con. It's scary, and weird, because sometimes, sitting here, I've forgotten it's all wrong. Then I see you lying there and remember. The stupid thing is, the person I would most talk to about this is _you._ Isn't that stupid? Is that irony? It is, right? I want to talk to _you _about you being in a coma, but I can't, because you're in a coma." She fought down the urge to sob, held in the tears pushing against the dam of her strength. "This isn't _fair._" She stopped to get control of herself, lightly brushing a hand over where his chest was bandaged. "Drew says you have a new tattoo. I want to see it." She slid her fingers over the dressing again. "Did it hurt?" Her voice was the barest whisper. "Did it hurt, when it happened?" It probably did. Jennifer was struck with the terrifying idea that it still hurt. That he was lying there in agony, and couldn't tell anyone. But then she remembered the painkiller.

"I hope you aren't having any nightmares, Con. I hope it doesn't hurt. If I could make it not hurt, I'd do it...whatever it takes." She glanced around the room. She expected flowers. Balloons. The things normal people got when they were in the hospital. But there was nothing. Mama probably hadn't much time to tell anyone beyond family. Con's cousins and uncles and aunts would probably know. Willie and Rolfe and Anna, and maybe Jeff and Sandy-friend's he'd known since he was little. Jimmy, too. Jimmy and Jeff had a way of finding things out even Mama didn't know. Grammy and Grampy. Poppy would know, but Omi was too sick-no one would scare her with that kind of news. If they had sent something, it wasn't in the room. Maybe it was hard figuring out what to send someone who didn't know it was there. Maybe they were waiting for Mama to tell them Con had woken up.

"Conrad, you did it for Vince, didn't you? Pop said you did it for him." She wondered what their brother was going through. Vincent was never as tough as Con. Sure, he could handle himself, when he needed to, but Con was the rougher one of the two, and Vince seemed to worry more. Not that Con didn't worry. When it came to fighting, Vincent saw it as a very last resort and would rather avoid a fight, while Conrad would happily wade right in to the middle. Jennifer remembered overhearing Mama describe the two boys to her book group over glasses of white wine.

_"Vincent is my artist. Conrad is my brawler."_

* * *

_"Vince. What the Hell is that?" Conrad sluiced himself off in the kitchen sink. He'd been working with Willie in the pasture all day._

_"Nothing."_

_"Fuck that. Who gave you that black eye?"_

_Vincent shrugged and tried to bury himself in homework. "No one. I got beaned with a foul tip at practice."_

_"Bullshit. You wear a mask. No ball is going to do that." Conrad dried himself off and strode purposefully over to the table, lifting Vince's chin so he could examine the patchwork of purple and blue around his swelling eye. "Who did that?"_

_Vincent jerked away. "No one. Like I said, it was a foul tip."_

_"Cut the crap." Conrad strode to the freezer, yanked the door open, pulled out a bag of peas, stalked back, and pressed it to Vince's eye. "Tell me." Vincent held the peas to his face, but said nothing, focusing on his homework. Conrad turned to Jennifer. "Tell me."_

_"I don't know." Jennifer shrugged. She did. She knew exactly who had done it. She'd been there. But she followed Vince's lead. She'd always follow his lead. They hated and loved each other the way only close siblings could._

_"**Tell me!**" Conrad slammed both hands down on the table, making all three of them jump. Drew started to cry. _

_"Max!" Jennifer ignored Vincent's kick. "Max Koch! Vince made Delph look stupid at lunch, and after school, Max came and belted him."_

_Conrad turned on Vince. "Why?"_

_"He was bugging the slow kids." Vincent stared down at his books. "He was calling them 'retards'. Delph does. All the time. Especially this one girl. So I hit him with an orange." Vincent could hit anyone with a ball. His aim was perfect. The orange had been peeled and juicy. "Everyone laughed. Max found out."_

_Max was older. Thirty two-the oldest of the huge pack of Koch kids, and the surliest of the bunch. Jennifer had watched in horror as he came out of nowhere at the Burger Shack and clobbered her brother. No one dared get in his way. They waited until he was gone, and scraped Vince off the concrete._

_Conrad tapped the table with his fist. His eyes blazed, nostrils flared. Every so often, he glanced at Vince's eye. Jennifer watched his bottom jaw work this way and that. She wished Mama was there. Mama could usually calm him down. He muttered under his breath. "Motherfucker..." He turned crisply and disappeared out the back door. A minute later, Jennifer heard the charger starting up._

_Conrad made it home a twenty minutes into dinner. Mama fussed about him being so late. He brushed it off as he sat down to his pot roast, but his eyes were gleaming electric blue. He glanced at Vince and the corner of his mouth pulled back in a grin. The next day, the story was all over campus; Max was in the hospital with a truckload of bruises and a broken nose and jaw. Con had come on him at Mikey's and dragged him outside to work him over. Surprisingly, he refused to press charges. Delph stayed away from either of them from then on._

_It wasn't the first, nor the last time he took someone to task for tormenting Vince._

* * *

Jennifer's ears perked. Her eyes snapped back to Con. She thought she'd heard him shifting in his bed. But he was still. His arms were at his sides, his feet, as far as she could tell, where they had been a second ago. Still, she took his hand. "Con?" She flexed his fingers the way Mama had. "Con, come on. Come back to us. You really can't leave now, you've got too much going for you." Jennifer wondered if he ever thought about his father. Maybe he was hoping to go and be with him again. Were there people calling him from somewhere souls went after death? Maybe Con's father and cousin Wolf were right now luring him over to them. Jennifer had a hazy memory of Conrad's closest cousin. Wolfgang was almost as tall as Con, almost as fit. They were close friends. She remembered giggling as they tossed her back and forth in the river, bespectacled Jeff sitting on the bank with the radio. She must have been tiny for them to toss and catch her so easily. Wolf was close to Con, almost like Con, but not so good as to win the football scholarship that saved her brother from the draft. Wolfe ended up in Vietnam while Con was in his freshman year at Yale. Then Con dropped out and enlisted, guilt and a loyalty to his cousin and Pop outshining his own ambitions. But Con came back on a plane. Wolf came back in a box. Jennifer was pretty sure neither came back in one piece.

Was Con once again letting his guilt pull him to Wolf?

"Con, _come on._ We need you here." No one was around. She pulled her chair close enough that she could lean down against him. Settle against his chest the way she had when she was smaller. She wrapped his arm around her, holding his fingers close to her. She could hear the air going in and out of his lungs. Even the thumping of his heart just off to one side. The hospital blanket felt rough against her cheek. "I need you here. I love you, Big Brother. Come back."

"Excuse me."

Jennifer jumped and sat up. Nurse Matthews stood in the door. Another nurse loomed behind her holding a tray of equipment-syringes, a box of gloves and some little packets. Jennifer's face grew hot as she carefully arranged Conrad's arm back alongside him. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize. I didn't want to disturb you." Matthews' smile was gentle. "But we need to flush a few lines."

"Oh. Right. The other nurse said something about that." Jennifer rubbed at her own cheek. "I guess I shouldn't be-"

"Yes you should. He needs a good hug and cuddle as much as anyone else. More, really." Matthews came over to stand opposite Jennifer by the IV. She motioned the other nurse over. They pulled up the bed tray and set the equipment down, allowing Jennifer to look over the assorted things more closely. There were several large syringes full of clear liquid, capped with a variety of colored plastic caps. A handful of cleansing swabs in secure envelopes, and a cardboard box of purple latex gloves. Matthews put on a pair, snapping a finger at the end, then ripped open a packet to remove a folded paper cloth. The second nurse took up one of Con's IV lines, and detached it from the drip. Matthew's cleaned the port of the tube attached to con's arm, then took up a syringe. Jennifer saw there was no needle, only a cap. Matthews unscrewed it, pushing out a little fluid. She did the same thing with a second syringe. She then attached the first syringe to the port, opened the clamp, and then emptied it in a series of pushes and pauses.

"What's that?" Jennifer leaned forward for a better view.

"Saline. This just keeps everything clean and safe." When the first one was emptied, Matthews repeated the whole procedure with the second one, from swab to injection. "This is heparin. It just keeps the blood from forming a clot we don't want."

"I see." Jennifer looked back over the tray. "You're flushing it all?"

"Yep. Every so often we just have to make sure the lines stay clear. Same for the ventilator. Human bodies can create a good amount of globs and crust. It's natural." She nodded at the other nurse, who also donned a pair of gloves. "Jennifer, you might just excuse us for the next few minutes. Close as you are, a man needs privacy in certain ways." The second nurse moved to the foot of the bed.

Jennifer blushed. "Oh. Yeah." She stood.

Matthews nodded. "It'll just be a few more minutes, thanks." She pulled the bed tray down to where they could flip back the sheets to get at the catheter.

"Sure." Jennifer went into the hall. The rest of the ward was going about it's normal day. She walked slowly around the loop, passing empty rooms until she found a door with two hand written names by the door. _Katzenbogen. Pine. _Jennifer knocked softly on the door frame.

"Yeah?"

She took a step in. There was only one man in the room. He was sitting up in bed in a robe. The book he had been reading lay open next to him. It was not Bazooka, as she had hoped. "Oh! Sorry to bother you!" She started to back out.

"Hey! Come back!" He sounded a little urgent. Jennifer came went back in. "It's not a bother. It's a boring book, anyhow." His teeth were amazingly white under his thin black mustache. "You're Jennifer."

"Yes! How did you know?"

"Bazooka filled me in. He'd be here, but he took off with Little Giant while back." he pointed to the chair. "Come on in. I've been staring at his ugly face so long, it's nice to have a pretty face to look at."

Jennifer accepted the invitation. "Little Giant?"

"Braid? Glasses? About yea high?" He held his hand out flat maybe four feet from the ground.

"Drew!" Jennifer laughed. "She's my sister."

"Yeah." He held out a hand. "Alpine, at your service."

She took the hand and shook it. "Mr. Pine." She thought. "Or did you mean 'Alpine' was your code name?"

He waved it off. "Either. My first name's Albert. Second name's Pine. I like to climb things. Not much of a stretch, huh?"

"No. I guess it was sort of impossible for you to avoid." It was the most logical nick name she'd ever heard.

"You know, I've always wondered, but never really asked, how your brother got his handle."

She shrugged. "Everyone keeps mispronouncing our last name. It's sort of a family mascot, now."

Alpine looked confused, then chuckled. "Not that brother. The other one."

"Oh! Conrad? No one called him 'Duke' until he enlisted. He came back from Vietnam with it. Some of the SVA and village people he worked with had seen a bunch of John Wayne movies, and saw how he got into a bunch of fistfights. _Something_ like that. My mother hates it, actually. She calls him _Kleiner_. I think it means 'my little boy' or something."

"_Does _she?" Jennifer could see him filing that fact away for later use.

"Yeah. My cousin Patricia calls him 'Buttercup'." She couldn't help but laugh.

Alpine chortled. "_Buttercup_?"

"They don't really get along all that well." It occurred to her that Con really would rather she not spread that around. "I think I should probably not have told you that."

"Don't worry." He grinned, mumbling to himself "_Buttercup..."  
_

"Where did Bazooka and Drew go?"

"The gift shop, I think. They were talking about windows and candles." He scratched his chin. "That and french fries. They might make a side trip to the cafeteria. Not a bad idea, considering the kind of food we've been getting up here.

Jennifer glanced around the room. Here, there were flowers. Quite a lot of them. Balloons, as well. A basket of fruit even sat on the table between both beds. "I guess your families have come by, too."

"Oh yeah. Mine just left. Bazook's are on the way. Gung Ho's comes in tides." He sighed. "There are quite a lot of LaFittes."

She hadn't noticed them. Jennifer hadn't even seen anyone else beyond the hospital staff, guards and her own family the whole time they'd been there. But the whole world was moving on outside of her life. For a minute, she was jealous of those other families. The sons or brothers, cousins they came to the hospital, all three of them, were awake. They could sit and laugh together. They could know that the comfort they'd come to provide was received. They could see the smiles and feel embraces returned. But Conrad could do none of that. Maybe not ever.

"Hey! Turn that frown upside down, huh?" Alpine put his hand over hers on the arm of the chair.

"Oh." She tried a weak smile for him. "Sorry. I was just thinking about-" she stopped herself, trying to encompass it all into something she could verbalize. "-everything."

"Stinks, doesn't it?" He gave her hand a squeeze. "It's all right. You can frown. I don't blame you. One brother here on his back, the other's taken off to the Himalayas."

"Is _that _where Vince is? Really?" All that snow this time of year. She remembered the grand snowball fight they had whenever Con was home in winter. _Snow Battle Royale_. Now Vince was maybe doing it for real.

"Yeah, but I won't say more. I shouldn't even say that."

"How could telling me possibly do any harm?" She wasn't about to go tell _COBRA _or call the papers or news channels. She didn't relish the idea of a bunch or reporters swarming the hospital. Or trying to. The Joes would keep them out.

"You wouldn't believe most of it, anyhow. Things are plenty weird." Alpine shifted under the covers, then grabbed a banana and peeled it.

It was a word Conrad had used more than once himself in regards to his years with Joe. He couldn't say too much more.

"Want a banana?" Alpine had stopped with the fruit halfway to his mouth. "We have plenty." He leaned over and grabbed a huge box of chewing gum. "And gum. Bazooka's family wanted him to be happy." Jennifer accepted a few packs. They were the type with the rainbow-striped zebra on the wrapper.

"Thanks."

"Sure. How's Duke?" He took a huge bite of banana.

"Lying flat on his back. He's been lying on his back since we got here. He hasn't moved an inch. He hasn't made a peep. Drew tossed a glass of water in his face, and he just lay there."

Jennifer caught the look of dismay and pity before Alpine managed to cover it with a warm grin. "Well, you know, Duke...he's." He looked around the room, the shrugged and sighed. "I don't know what to say. I'm sorry. But I'll tell you, Duke can be a pretty nasty bastard when he wants to be. There's a lot of fight in him. What was he like-"

"Hey."

They both looked to the door. Bazooka waved, slouching in and shuffling in his slippers to flop on his bed. He waved again. "Hey Jennifer."

"Hi, Bazooka." She wondered if she should really be calling them Mr. Pine and Mr. Katzenbogen. More properly Corporal Pine and Sergeant Katzenbogen. But then, if they expected it, surely they would have said something. "Where's Drew?"

"Back with your Mom and Dad n' Duke." He pushed himself up the bed. "We went to the gift shop to get some stuff. And we got a snack." He burped discreetly. "We ran into your folks downstairs. She went with them."

Jennifer nodded, then turned back to Alpine. "You were asking me something?"

"Oh," He waved dismissively. "Not really. I was just about to ask what Duke was like when he was a kid."

"I can't tell you." She laughed, more at herself than the question. "He was, like, fifteen, when I was born. Maybe fourteen." She assumed Alpine knew how old Duke was. Or maybe he just hand't thought about it. Perhaps he was just making conversation. "The first thing I can remember about him is looking down at the ground from his shoulders. It was a pretty long way away. That, or being on the ground looking way up into his face. He was in high school then."

In her mind, she was gazing up at him-he was often in his blue and white letterman's jacket, but maybe that was helped by the picture of him wearing it in Pop's office, or that she'd seen it recently in the attic when she was getting a trunk down to pack for college. She'd just realized that he was taller than Pop. They were in the kitchen sipping coffee. A stranger had been sitting at the table, talking to Conrad, Mama and Pop. There had been a few of the strange men over those weeks, all talking very seriously about things she'd not been able to understand. Like the rest of them, this one had papers and pamphlets He spread them across the table, passed them around, pointed at a few places repeatedly.

* * *

_Vincent climbed up on his chair and looked at a few as if he knew what it was all about. He could read more than she could, so she figured he did. Jennifer herself had taken Mama's lap. Whatever it was the man had said, it had made Mama happy, and Conrad seemed more than satisfied. They all stood, Jennifer and Vincent slipping to the floor, and the man shook everyone's hand. Looking up, Jennifer realized that Conrad was taller than Pop-she hadn't thought it possible. The man shoved a battered hat on his head, scooped up most of the papers, and let Pop walk him to the door. Conrad laughed, and she looked up into his face. He grinned at her._

_"Well, Jenn. That's that. Yale on someone else's dime!" He scooped her up._

_"As long as you keep your grades up, Kleiner." Mama sounded relieved._

_"Oh, yeah, that's not a problem. They have a good History and Sociology department. Heck, gymnastics and boxing, too!" Conrad swept Jennifer up. "Boola-boola Jenn!" She laughed with him._

_Vincent stood on his chair. "Go Bulldogs! Boola-boo!"_

_Mama laughed as Con reached over to tousle Vincent's hair. "Well, you're safe. That's the best part."_

_"Safe?" Jennifer looked into her brothers blue eyes._

_"From the draft, stupid." Vincent stretched to see if he could reach above Conrad's head. "They're not going to send him if he's in college. Probably."_

_Conrad's brow wrinkled. "A lot of guys are still volunteering-"_

_"But not you." Mama's voice was sharp. But then she smiled. "It's a dream come true! There's no way we could have ever afforded this. But you did it! All the schools wanting you, and now Yale! A full scholarship! Conrad! Your future is set!"_

* * *

"He was there just a bit over a year. He was doing real well on the team. Someone said that NFL scouts were already coming to watch him play. But he dropped out and enlisted." Jennifer remembered Mama's anguish. She'd alternated not talking to him with not being able to let him go.

"Why?" Bazooka tilted his head.

"I've never asked." Jennifer hadn't thought to do it at the time, nor much of it since. Not until the day she'd called to tell him she'd gotten in to USC, and it had suddenly occurred to her that maybe he regretted it. Would life had been really different for everyone if Con had stayed in school and gotten a degree, maybe even drafted into the NFL?

"Jennifer?" Mama was in the hall, calling for her.

"Here, Mama! I'm in here!" She stood and went to the door. When her mother spotted her, she smiled, and came over.

"Here you are. Your father and I were beginning to wonder." She smiled at the two Joes. "Hello, boys. Don't get up. I hope you're healing well."

Both men had started to stand, but relaxed at Mama's urging. Alpine instead tipped an invisible cap. "Pretty well, thank you, Ma'am. Pleasure to meet you. I'm Corporal Pine, and this here's Sergeant Katzenbogen." Most people did get proper around Mama. Jennifer had seen it time and time again. Something about her incited respect.

"They're called Alpine and Bazooka." Jennifer came close enough to her mother to slip an arm around her. Mama returned the embrace without hesitation.

Confronted with propriety versus familiarity, Mama split the difference. "Well, Corporal Alpine, Sergeant Bazooka, it's good to see you on the mend. I ran into Sergeant LaFitte just a while ago. It's such a pleasure to meet the three of you."

"Thank's, Ma'am." Bazooka nodded. "Duke is the best top kick I ever had. Tough but fair, too."

"That he is." Alpine agreed. "A prince among men. Or a Duke, to be exact. A Duke among Joes."

"Thank you both." Mama blushed. "I do appreciate you saying that."

Jennifer had always thought of her parents as tough but fair. They both expected-demanded even, the best from all their kids. But they were always fair and loving. The times her oldest brother had shown any inclination to be strict with her were few, but memorable.

* * *

_"What's that you've got on?" Conrad wiped the oil from his hands with a rag cut from an old t-shirt._

_Jennifer twirled. "Laura helped me put it together for tonight. We're getting together for her birthday at Angelo's for pizza. Then maybe go hang out with the gang. Isn't it cute?"_

_Laura took a dramatic bow. "Thank you, thank you! It's a gift, I can't take credit."_

_Conrad scanned Jennifer from head to foot. "Go change."_

_"What?!" Jennifer laughed. "No way, this is perfect!"_

_"Go upstairs and change, Jenn." Conrad stuffed one end of the rag in his back pocket and opened the fridge. He emerged with a beer, then popped the cap off the bottle on the edge of the counter. Mama hated it when he did that. But Mama and Pop were out._

_"C'mon, stud, she looks super cute. It's perfect." Laura laughed._

_Conrad's eyes flicked to her, then back to Jennifer. "No. You're not going out like that. The pants are too tight, and the shirt is cut too low. Why is everything ripped?"_

_"That's the style, Con."_

_"You look like you've been fighting a rabid badger and your shirt is hardly there. Go change." He tipped the bottle back, leaning against the counter as he drank. "Now."_

_Jennifer felt her irritation rise. "No way! You're not Pop, or Mama! They're not even here. Everyone's dressing like this now, Con."_

_"You're damn right I'm not Mama or Jack. Get upstairs and change the shirt. It's too low cut. Everything's right there for anyone to see." Conrad set his bottle down on the counter with a little tap and crossed his arms over his chest. "You heard me."_

_She gathered herself up to argue, but then caught the look in his eye and hesitated. "What if I put on a jacket?"_

_"No." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Change the shirt."_

_Laura was doing her best to pretend she was anywhere else. Jennifer sighed and rolled her eyes. "Well, I guess I could change into a few garbage bags and go out like that, Con."_

_He pointed at her. "In another ten seconds, you'll be staying in all night. Your choice, Jenn." He crossed his arms again._

_She wondered if he would start counting down. Something in his face told her not to push it. "Fine." She flounced back upstairs, Laura trailing behind._

* * *

At the time, Jennifer had resented the flash of what she had thought was old-fashionedness and overprotection. In retrospect, he'd been worried about possibilities he knew more about than she. His concern wasn't for keeping up appearances; it was for her.

"We'd best get back, dear. Your father was wondering where you'd gotten to. He decided to take Drew on a little walk outside. I think they both needed the break." Mama rubbed her back.

"The nursed were doing flushing his catheter, and asked me to leave." She shrugged. "I didn't mind. He wouldn't want me to watch that."

Mama blushed. "Yes...well. I can imagine." She smiled at the Joes. "Very nice to meet you, boys. I'm sure we'll chat more."

"Likewise, Ma'am." Alpine nodded.

Bazooka waved. "Bye."

Jennifer returned his wave as she followed her mother out of the room. The ward was quiet. No visitors beyond themselves, the nurses and doctors on duty had finished rounds and were behind desks or in offices, filling out paperwork and updating charts. She smiled at Matthews as she crossed to her brother's room and stepped through the door.

He was on his side.

"Mama!"

Conrad was lying on his side, facing the window. The ventilator still rose and fell, the readouts still beeped, but he was no longer flat on his back. "Mama! Look! Con!" Jennifer dashed around the foot of the bed, eager to see his eyes smile when he saw her face. "Con, you scared the shi-"

His eyes were still taped shut. "Con?" She reached out and lightly touched his shoulder, then gave a gentle shake. "Mama? He's moved!"

Mama sighed. Behind her, Matthews loomed in the doorway. "Jennifer, he's the same. The nurses have to roll him every so often, or he'll get sores. I'm sorry you thought...I'm sorry." She looked like she could cry at any minute.

"We rolled him after we finished flushing everything. Gave him a sponge bath, too. He's always enjoyed a nice sponge bath and back rub from a pretty nurse."

Mama snorted. "I bet."

Jennifer wondered how much it would take to scrape her heart off the linoleum. She dropped into a chair. "Oh. I just thought that, maybe, something had gone right for a change."

"Don't let it get you down." Nurse Matthews broke into a smile. "Nothing has gone _wrong_ since you left. That's a plus."

"Sure." Looking around the room, Jennifer spotted a white plastic bag on one of the chairs. She couldn't see what was inside. A small sad-looking teddy bear with a thermometer and a cast had taken up residence on the bedside table next to a bouquet of daisies in a bright yellow vase. She hadn't been the only one to notice the lack of flowers. "Cute bear."

"Drew got that, and the flowers. I imagine Bazooka helped her out with a little money. Either that or one of the others. She seems to have made quite a few fans for herself." Mama moved the bag to the floor and sat down.

Drew always made friends. She had Con's confidence and amiability. Jennifer envied the both of them. It was easy to imagine Drew convincing any of the soldiers in the hospital to lend her a few dollars for flowers and a bear for their brother. She could wrap every one of them right around her little finger. The problem was stopping her. "What's in the bag?"

"I'm not allowed to look." Mama looked down at the plastic sack. "She says its a secret. She's got something up her sleeve, but I don't think it will hurt anything."


	3. Chapter 3

Jennifer crossed the room to stare out the window. The sun was out and the sky had only a few fluffy clouds. To anyone else, it was a perfect day. She quashed the rising illusion that if she just went out there, everything would somehow go back. Back in time. Back to fine. She had thought her life flawed before, but now, looking back, it was perfect.

"What now, Mama?"

Jennifer heard her mother sigh behind her. "We need to wait, dear. It's hard, but the only thing we can really do, we're doing. We need to be here."

"It feels so useless." Turning, Jennifer leant against the window. "There's got to be something more we can _do._"

"If feels like that, doesn't it?" Mama shook her head, her hand gently stroking Conrad's side. "Trust me, I've thought hard. I want to believe that as long as we're here, as long as we're touching your brother, he'll stay with us. Everything is going to be fine, because this time I'm here." Her hand slid up to Conrad'd head, fingertips sliding through his hair. "_I'm here, Kleiner."_

She hadn't been. A long time ago, Mama hadn't been right there with them. Something awful had happened, and Mama hadn't known till Uncle Max burst into the kitchen and pulled her to his truck. By the time they got to the hospital, her husband, father of her little boy, was dead. All she had left of him was their son, lying broken in a bed. And here he was again, broken. It suddenly occurred to Jennifer that Conrad had actually outlived his own father.

"Mama-" a knock on the doorframe interrupted her. A doctor, older than Doc and the other surgeon smiled at her from the doorway. He adjusted his glasses and nodded to them both.

"I'm Doctor Haber. I thought I'd come and have a chat."

It was as if he'd dropped by for tea and conversation. Jennifer glanced at her mother. Mama's smile was wan, and she kept stroking Con'd head, but she returned the Doctor's nod.

"Of course. You're working on his lungs?"

"Mahboubian's working on his lungs, but I'm dealing with the infections." The doctor strode into the room and plopped into an open chair. It wasn't so much ego as a lack of one. He balanced his clipboard on his knees and clasped his hands atop it. "I bet that sounds scary-'_infections'_. Really, I can deal with it all at the same time, so come one, come all." He smiled.

"How many has he got?" Jennifer looked over her brother's body as if she could tell.

"Oh, let's see." He held up his clip board. "Just kidding, I know up here." A short, broad finger tapped his temple. "He's got pneumonia, that's really to be expected. Plus, there's a small bit of infection in the wound itself. Greer's a master of battlefield medicine, but he's not a magician. Finally," he grinned at Mama, "Your boy had a touch of strep coming on at the time of the battle. Seems it's decided to hang on a bit."

"_Strep_?" Mama sat back.

"Yep. Not really a surprise. Man was under a lot of stress and it's been going round town." He winked. "Greer tells me his girlfriend had it first."

"His girl..."

"Whoops! Did I say too much?" Haber chuckled. "Never mind, Mom. Aside from the pneumonia, strep and the other infection-and that extra hole in him, you've got a damn healthy son."

"He's in a _coma._" Jennifer cocked her head.

"He didn't let that stop him the last time, now did he?" Haber stood and walked over to the bed. He put his hand on Con's forehead. "Excuse me, Mom." Mama smiled and gave him room. "Yep. He's much cooler. Fever's going, if not totally gone. Convenient he's on his side." He pulled down the covers, put his stethoscope in his ears, and pressed the other end to Con's chest. "Hmmm." He nodded to himself, moving the stethoscope around and eventually leaning over to put it on Con's back. "Sounds much better." He lightly slapped Conrad's exposed shoulder. "Strong as an ox, that one. Bet you raised him on plenty of fresh air, exercise and work and all the food he could put away."

"Well, yes, actually." Mama nodded. "He's always been an active person. He nearly ate us out of house and home."

"Mmm." Haber grunted and sat back down. "I expect him on his feet as soon as he can get there. The hard part-Mom," he looked at Jennifer, "Sis?"

"Yes, he's my brother."

"Of course, I could see it right away." He chuckled. "It's in the eyes, you know."

"You can't see his eyes."

"I've seen them before. I had to give this one inoculations before a trip to India. Greer was on leave. He hates needles. He didn't budge, but his glare could have cut me in two. Just like the look you're giving me now."

Jennifer did her best to relax.

"You were saying, Doctor? The hard part will be?" Mama put her hand back on Con's head."

"Oh, yes...I was. Got side tracked there, excuse me." He stood. "The hard part, Mom, Sis, will be slowing him down. He's going to have to keep himself a little quieter than he'd prefer for a few months-as much rest as you can force on him then get back slower than sooner. Pushing too hard will just set him back. Could even make him sick again."

Conrad didn't even like sitting still. Jennifer couldn't imagine him slowing down. "Good luck."

"He'll have to go home. That's the decision of the team. When he's conscious. He needs the rest. The peace." He looked at Mama. "Does he sleep through the night?"

"I...I assume..." She looked down at her son.

"Mom..." The doctor's face smoothed into understanding. "Most men with his kind of career don't. There's things a man can't unsee."

"I know he..."

"He doesn't." Jennifer came closer. "He's up at least once. When he's home. I mean, I've seen him get up and heard him yell..."

Mama sighed. "I know." Her voice was a whisper. "He tries to hide it from me when he's home."

"He doesn't want you to worry." Dr. Haber walked around the end of the bed. "This one tends to push himself, Mom. I'm sure you know. The team has discussed it. He doesn't like to stop moving. If he goes home, he's going to need to rest. The painkillers we'll give him will help somewhat. He won't have much of a choice. Might knock him out a bit. But he can fight through some of that, if he wanted to." He tapped the end of his pen on the clipboard. "He'll want to."

Jennifer had caught the _if_. Haber hadn't said it before, but he'd slipped. His positive attitude had a crack. He was a doctor, after all. He had to know all the possible outcomes. "You can't _make _Con do anything."

"No." Mama's smile was fond. "You can't. Not if he doesn't want to do it. But we'll find a way to convince him, won't we?"

"Of course you will." Haber nodded. "Well, I'm glad I dropped in. From my point of view, ladies, he's doing very well. I've got rounds, but they have my pager number at the desk. Feel free to page me if you have any questions." He waved as he left.

Jennifer looked over at Mama. She was stroking Con's head again, looking into his face, her own smile soft. She leaned forward and kissed his forehead.

"You heard him, Conrad. You need to come home and slow down, _Kleiner._ There isn't an option. We get you to ourselves for a bit." She put her forehead to his. "We're finally going to meet your special someone, aren't we? It's about time you let someone else in." Her lips pressed gently to his brow, and then she sat back, her hand sliding to his shoulder and squeezing gently.

"Mama?"

Drew and Pop had returned. They came in, Drew plopping down on a chair, large ice cream cone in one hand. "We walked all over."

Pop opened a white paper bag and handed Mama a styrofoam cup. He dipped into the sack again and brought one out for Jennifer. "This is a nice town. Ranchers, mostly, but it seems to be growing. The base brought in more money. The Joes, support staff. It's always good for a town."

"Of course." Mama popped the top off her ice cream and took a bite. "Did you have a nice walk?"

"We stretched our legs. Gorgeous day." Pop lowered himself next to her.

Jennifer pulled back the plastic lid on her own cup to reveal rocky road. She smiled. "Thanks, Pop. This hits the spot."

He smiled over at her. Drew slid off her chair and waved her cone under Con's nose. It didn't seem to surprise her that he'd moved.

"Mmmmm. Duke. Chocolate chocolate chip! You don't get any."

"Hey, now that's not fair." Jennifer dipped her spoon and came up with a wad of chocolate, marshmallow and nuts.

"He'll get some when he bothers getting up." Drew took a huge bite. "He can have all he wants when he's awake." She looked back over her shoulder. "Got that? When you _wake up._"

Mama wiped her mouth. "Jennifer and I have had time alone with Conrad. I thought it might be nice if we each took a little time with him." She crumpled her napkin and stowed it up a sleeve. "Jack, Drew, I think it would be right if you each spent some time alone with him. You could talk to him a bit."

Looking around, she could see her father wasn't exactly comfortable. Drew cocked her head. "You mean just me and no one else?" She glanced down at the plastic bag on the floor. "You won't be listening?"

"No. Just you."

"I did it." Jennifer took Drew's chair. "When you were all out. I did. It was kind of nice."

"It's important. Just in case..." Mama stopped and took a deep breath. "Besides, you can say whatever you want, no worries that anyone else will judge."

"OK." Drew nodded. "I 'll do it."

"Jack?" Mama looked at Pop. Jennifer couldn't read his face.

"I've been with him as much as anyone else." Pop tried to look nonchalant as he ate his ice cream.

"Jack, please. I know you have a lot to say to him. It would be easier without us here."

Her father's eyes flicked to her, then to Conrad. Jennifer found herself hoping he'd accept more easily. It hadn't occurred to her to wonder about the quality of their relationship when she was a kid. It wasn't something she was concerned about at the time. Lately, though, she'd been wondering. The men in her family were warm but stoic, maybe Vince was a bit different. Growing up, it seemed normal, to her, that her father and brother rarely spoke of what they considered "mush". They both did endless things for the people they loved, and now and then said "I love you" to her or Drew or Mama, but there wasn't much else. Especially for each other. But she'd lately wondered if there was anything she'd missed.

* * *

_"You'll dry out or you'll get out!" Pop slammed his fist on the table. Jennifer fought back the urge to cry. She twisted in her booster. Mama was looking down at her hands folded on the tablecloth in front of her. Vince had dragged his chair to a corner and sat huddled, his arms around his knees, peering out at them all._

_"You can't kick me out, this is my land!" Con stood, fists clenched. The right was bandaged up his forearm. "You can't push me off what's mine!"_

_"You don't have it yet! You earn it when you turn thirty!" Pop rose as well, meeting him eye to eye. Jennifer thought at first they'd come to blows."You're not earning it this way." Uncles Max, Adler and Wilhelm stood against one wall, arms crossed over their chests. Jennifer saw her Big Brother's eyes flick over to them._

_"My father left it to me! You can't-"_

_"Your father would have never put up with this!" Pop slammed his fist again. "How do you think he'd have felt about Friday's little performance?"_

_"He..." Conrad stopped, then looked to Mama. "He..." Jennifer saw despair in Conrad's eyes. He shoved his fists against the table, bandage and skin pressing against the wood as he glared down at the surface. "Oncles..."_

_Adler stepped forward. "We are behind Jack and your Mama in this. You must take responsibility for what you are letting yourself become. Your father never wanted this for you. You work on being a man, you stay. We will help. You wish to drink and fight and break things? Get out. That is not what happens here. We don't wish to be a part of it."_

_"Mama, you can't-"_

_"For God's sake, listen to them, Conrad. What are you doing? I can't bear to see you like this. Sebastian would be ashamed of you." She was crying freely. "How can you do this to him? Stop now before it's too late. Do it for us. Do it for him. Do it for yourself. Just do it for someone or something. But if you don't do it, I can't have you around your brother and sister. You terrify them. You have to go."_

_Conrad's face fell. He took two steps back to the middle of the kitchen, glancing around at each of them in turn. "Fuck you!" He bellowed, " You have no idea..."_

_Mama hid her face._

_"You think I don't know?" Pop sighed. "You think Korea was easy, do you? I know what's going on, I' know more than anyone here, and I didn't go down the path you're headed down. I didn't even start. You're settled on racing down it. You keep up, you better get this shit away from my children."_

_Conrad swallowed. "Fuck you! You have no clue." He looked around again, and, bereft of whatever he sought, his eyes landed on Jennifer._

_Pop stepped forward. "You made me a promise. Live up to it. Or leave. Your choice."_

_"I..." Conrad folded into his chair. His eyes fell to the floor. "I.." It was a whisper. "Fine...just ...Ok._

_."_

_Adler, Max and Wilhelm nodded to each other. Then to Pop. Adler rubbed his nose. "**Gut**. Tomorrow you come to me. You will work this demon out."_

_Pop nodded. "You hear that? You're going to work. Hard. All day. By supper time, you'll be too tired to crave anything but bed. You're not leaving the sight of at least one of us. You work, you get your head clear. You backslide, you're gone. That day. You hear me,Conrad?"_

_"...yes."_

_"What?" Pop frowned._

_"Yessir."_

_"Good. Best get as much sleep as you're able. Tomorrow you start." Pop turned to Mama. "I told you I'd raise him right. He may look grown, but I'm not done with him. I promised you I'd keep your boy on track, and I will. I'm not about to let either of you down."_

_"I see that, Jack. I'm behind you."_

_"Good." Pop left the kitchen. A minute or so later, Mama rose and followed him. She put a hand on Con's shoulder as she passed, but she didn't stop and he didn't look up. His head hung, eyes down at the floor. Without another word Adler, Max and Wilhelm turned and trooped out the back door._

_Jennifer and Vincent sat in silence. "I think they forgot us." Vince rubbed his head. He was older and she trusted he knew best. He slid off his chair, stretching. "Con?"_

_Their brother didn't answer. Jennifer climbed down and went to stand next to Vince. She wanted to say something, but was frightened. She didn't want him to roar at her. Vincent tried again. "Con?" It was as if he couldn't hear them. As if he had no clue they were there._

_Jennifer felt Vince take her hand. He stepped loser to their brother, taking her with him. "Con...don't go." Vince carefully put a hand on Con's shoulder. "I don't want you to go again, okay? Just do what they want, yeah? Please don't let them make you go."_

_Bravely, Jennifer came up next to them both. Conrad smelled of new cut grass and grain. He'd been in the barn before supper. Before the whole thing started. She knew a flask was in his pocket, and she knew it was mostly empty by now. He ignored them both, forearms resting on his thighs as he slouched over, eyes to the floor. She put her free hand on his forearm, then slid it up over firm muscle and golden body hair to his hand, wrapping her fingers around his. "D'ya need a hug, Con?"_

_Vince nodded. "If you go, who's going to look out for us?"_

_He didn't look up. He didn't say anything. But he didn't pull away. They stood like that for a bit, and Jennifer felt his fingers tighten over hers. He let go, and his arm slowly wrapped around her, pulling her to him. Without looking up, he shifted, sliding another arm around Vince and pulling him close. Jennifer couldn't see his face, he held her so she was against him. The grassy, grainy smell was stronger. His cheek was rough and wet against hers. "It's OK, Con, we still love you."_

* * *

Why had Pop never adopted Con?

He sighed. "Of course, Jane. If you really want me to." Finished with his ice cream, he crumpled the paper cup around his spoon.

"It's important for you. You might regret it if you don't." Mama dabbed at her mouth with a napkin. Pop nodded, tossing the wadded up cup across the room into a trash can. Mama smiled. "Good. We'll give everyone some room.

"I'm going first." Drew licked chocolate from a palm and then bit into the cone itself. "That is, if you don't mind, Pop."

Pop stretched in his chair, then stood. "I don't mind, baby. Take all the time you need. I feel like another little walk. How about you girls?" He glanced to Mama and then caught Jennifer's eye.

"Sure, Pop." Jennifer wasn't sure where they'd go. She was getting the feeling Mama didn't want to set foot outside of the hospital doors, and there was no reason to hit the cafeteria. They'd wandered the halls of the floor, but she wasn't sure how far they'd be able to explore, nor what was really worth seeing in the huge medical building. It was all rooms, clinics, labs, offices and surgical theaters. "Can we go look at the babies?"

"Nurseries aren't open to the public now, dear." Mama smiled. "They need to keep the babies safe. Now that hospitals are letting more family into the rooms, they don't need a viewing spot so much. In fact, many babies stay right with their mothers, unless there's a problem." Jennifer watched her hand slip to Con's shoulder and caress down to his wrist. He had been tiny, once. Tiny and new, and full of his mother's dreams and aspirations. It was hard to picture, Con as a little baby. Or Vince, really. She'd seen all the pictures, and her own. She'd watched her own sister grow out of babyhood in no time at all.

Drew kicked her feet impatiently and eyed the mysterious plastic bag. "You don't have to worry, I'm not afraid of being alone."

Jennifer took the cue and decided she'd best make herself scarce. She joined Pop by the door. Mama kissed Drew's forehead.

"Say whatever you want, Sweetness. He'll be happy to hear it."

"I know." Drew stood and took a step towards her bag. "He always listens."

Jennifer felt Pop's fingers slide in hers. It had been a while since he had held her hand. She followed him out into the ward. Mama was close behind. The nurses behind the counter smiled as they walked by. In the hall, the guards snapped to, but only the one by the door saluted. Jennifer did her best to look every one in the eye and smile. She saw Mama was doing the same. Pop gave only a short nod as he passed. They caught the elevator, then Pop led them out at the bottom floor, across the lobby, and to the doors. Mama stopped.

"Jane." Pop reached back for her.

"I really should stay inside. That way they can find me easily." Mama smiled, clasping her hands in front of herself.

"Jane, nothing will change. You need fresh air and some sunlight." Pop flexed his fingers.

Jennifer did her best to smile encouragingly. "Come on, Mama. We'll just stretch out legs. He's fine. Drew wouldn't let him do anything without making a huge fuss. She has him wrapped around her little finger, you know."

Mama laughed. "Of course she does. Still..." She looked around the lobby. "Just in case."

"Jane. You need a break." Pop turned to the closest Regular. "Soldier, I'm taking them to the park. You know where the park is?"

The soldier snapped-to and saluted. "Sir, yes sir! Sir, it's two blocks away, sir!"

"Good." Pop nodded slowly. Jennifer watched him slip back into his old role as CO. "If anything happens, and I do mean anytime, I need you to get yourself to the park, find us, and bring us back. If you have to drive, you drive. If you have to run, you run."

"Sir, of course, sir!"

"Pop, these aren't your soldiers, you know." Jennifer nudged her father. "You really can't..."

"Miss! It is an honor to assist you all, Miss!" The soldier risked a smile. "Don't trouble yourself, we will do all we can to keep you informed." His eyes flicked to her parents. "Miss!"

Pop nodded once. "Well done, soldier. You do your unit proud. Thank you."

"Yo Joe, sir!" The soldier opened the door and made room for them to pass.

Jennifer's chest ached suddenly, and her eyes threatened to water. They didn't even really know her, or her parents. But they were already concerned for them. She saw her mother grasp the soldier's arm as they pass. Just for a second, but it was enough. It was perhaps not proper, but it was necessary.

It was balmy outside. Just perfect. The sky was clear and blue and the sun high. Jennifer realized it had been a long time since she'd felt it's warmth on her skin. She stretched as they walked, wondering just what her baby sister had stowed in the white plastic bag. What exactly had she stowed up her sleeve? They crossed the street and walked on, passing a small hardware store, a pharmacy, some sort of bank and a non-descript office building. Looking around, she caught sight of what she was certain were more Joe guards, posted on corners and in spots allowing a clear view of the Hospital block. They weren't fooling around. Her mind wandered back to Drew. Jennifer assumed she had absorbed the reality of the situation, but she wasn't sure just how much she could understand. Drew had attended Great Uncle Robert's funeral, but she'd only met the man twice. The grandparents, were proving steadfast, except for Con's Grandfather, who had died before Drew was old enough to pay attention. Jennifer remembered Opi Sebastian well enough. A tall, amiable man with a tremendous beard. He was strong and kind and always had a pocket full of caramels. But Drew was tiny when he'd finally loosened his tight grip on life. She'd had very little experience with death. Jennifer wondered if she could fully appreciate the possibilities of their visit. Her sister had never talked much of the danger their brother faced. She'd never mentioned it at all.

Con doted on her, though, when he was home. He was in the room the day she was born, and Jennifer had been certain just born babies must have some sort of magic spell, the way her tough brother had fallen prey to her charms. She'd outgrown the envy over time. Con thrived on having something soft and helpless to protect, and they'd both grown too old and independent for his complete attention. Drew was new and needy. At the same time, she'd scored in having a devoted fan and supporter, maybe because she amused him so.

* * *

"_Sure, well, I guess. You know." Jennifer giggled into the receiver. She saw Con, stopped halfway into the refrigerator, roll his eyes._

_****"I thought you looked really great today."****_

"Yeah, well, I just threw it together. It wasn't anything big"

**_**"It was cute. Not like you had to try hard, but you just know how to look good. You think we'll take Fullton?"****_

_"Oh, yeah, totally" She wound her fingers in the cord, listening to Con rummage to the back of the fridge._

_**"Mark Andrews said you told him you only date Football players."**_

_Jennifer sighed. "What? I didn't say that at all, he's lying...no, Robert, honestly." She fell back against the wall._

**_**"I told him he was full of shit. You're too nice and too cool to be a jerk like that."****_

_"Really? That's sweet, Robert."_

_Con paused with his hand on the door, a brow raised. He mouthed a few words at her. "Schwartzman. Still him, huh?" He slammed the door and popped the cap of a brown bottle against the kitchen counter._

"_Robert...that's so nice...yeah." Jennifer played with the long phone cord and closed her eyes. "Tomorrow night's going to be great...I know!"_

_****"Sure! Just be sure to sit with me at the Angelo's, yeah?"****_

_Con took a swig from the bottle. "You going out on a date with the stick-boy?"_

_****"God, that's him, isn't it? Is Duke there? He is isn't he? He hates me."****_

_Jennifer frowned and turned to face the wall. "No, go on. No, really, he's not here Yes, he's home, but he's not here. Don't be silly, he doesn't hate you."_

"_Nah, I don't hate him. He touches your girl bits, though, and I'm extracting his gonads through his nose." Duke took another sip._

_****"Oh God! He's there! He's there? Tell me he isn't there!"**  
**_

"_Con!" Jennifer turned around and hit Con in the chest. He laughed and took another swig of beer. Jennifer groaned into the phone. "Rob-BERT! Ok, he's here! But he's just going downstairs to watch football...yeah, he's going to be gone any second now." She hit her brother again._

_"Oh, is this my cue to leave?" Duke pantomimed creeping down into the basement. "Oh, Golly, should I go away and leave you all alone with the living bean pole?"_

_ He snorted._

_Jennifer pressed the receiver against her chest and glowered. "Isn't the game starting, Con? Aren't you eager to see grown men in tight pants slamming into each other?"_

_"Hmmm. Sure." He ignored the barb. "Say, is Robert picking you up here tomorrow night? He's got to come inside, doesn't he?"_

_Jennifer's face went white._

_"That's Jack's rule, right? He has to come in when he picks you up? I seem to remember that." Conrad grinned._

_"Con you wouldn't."_

_He took another swig of beer. "Yep. Been a long time since I last saw young Master Schwartzman. Be nice to touch bases with him. Reacquaint ourselves."_

_"Con..." The receiver burbled, and Jennifer hefted it to her ear, never taking her eyes off her oldest brother. "I'll call you later tonight, Robert." She waited for his response, then hung up. "What are you planning, Con?"_

_He looked at his watch. "Oh, look at that, I'm missing the game!" Opening the basement door, he trotted triumphantly down the steps. _

_Jennifer chased him down. "Conrad!"_

_He chuckled to himself as he rounded the sectional. Drew was sprawled across it, munching on a bowl of popcorn. On the big screen, cars were chasing each other around the streets of Los Angeles in a sudden storm of gunfire and sirens._

_"What happened to the Cowboys, Rabbit?"_

_Something exploded. Jennifer collapsed into the far corner of the couch._

_"This is a detective show." She crammed a handful of popcorn into her mouth, eyes never leaving the screen. "There aren't any cowboys. It's Riptide, not Matt Houston."_

_Conrad grabbed the remote and switched it back to the football game. "It's neither." He let himself drop into the puffy leather next to her._

_"Hey!" She pummeled his leg with her bare feet. "I was watching that!"_

_"Now you're not." He grabbed the bowl from her. "And give that back. You're making a mess." Con looked around at the popcorn that had fallen onto the couch and the floor. "Pick that all up, Rabbit." He set the bowl on the table and relaxed back into the sectional, taking a long pull from his bottle._

_Tiny bare feet continued their kicks into his thigh. "Switch it back! That's not fair!"_

_Jennifer heard her brother sigh. With one hand, he grabbed a tiny foot, and stood, pulling Drew up and off the couch. She dangled, shirt halfway over her head. She squealed. Con took another pull of beer._

_"Let me down!"_

_"You gonna let me watch the game, you brat?"_

_Drew folded her arms over her chest and pouted. Jennifer kept her mouth shut._

_Con gave her a gentle shake. "Rabbit? You let me watch the game and pick up the popcorn." Drew tried to curl up and get to his hand. Another light shake and she dropped back down._

_"Duuuuukkkeee. Let me down."_

_"Say you'll stop being a pain in my ass and clean up this mess. I'm watching the game, regardless. I can stand here like this for a good long time. All night, if I need to. It's up to you."_

_"Fine. I'll clean up the stupid popcorn."_

_"And?" Con lifted her slightly._

_"You can watch the dumb game."_

_"Thank you." He set her down, and she started to sweep the spilled popcorn into a pile. "And don't put it back in the bowl, please." Con sat down on the couch, grabbing the bowl back off the table. He glanced at Jennifer. "See, Jenn? It's not that hard. I don't know why people are writing books about this kind of thing."_

_Drew scooted around the floor, scooping up errant kernels. She looked up at them. "Where do I put it?" _

_"Use the trash can in my bathroom, that's fine." He nodded to the half open door leading to his rooms._

_Drew scooped the popcorn into her shirt. Jennifer watched as she disappeared through the door to Conrad's basement room. It was large, as rooms went-sort of a master bedroom with a bathroom attached. He and Pop had walled it off when he'd come home from Southeast Asia. Any time he was home, it was his. Otherwise, it was off-limits. He didn't lock it. He really didn't have to. The one time she'd dared peek inside, all she saw was an exceedingly neat empty room. It was just a bit sad, how unlived-in it looked. But she would no more have put a toe through the door than she would have walked across a fire pit. Vincent, on the other hand, had braved fanning the flames of their brother's anger. She'd noticed him wearing a few shirts of Conrad's when he wasn't there to object. Just last week, she'd seen Vince head out on a date with what looked to be Conrad's much-treasured wristwatch-the one that had belonged to his father. It wasn't on his arm when he came home late that night, rushing right up to bed without a word or his typical grin to her. Something had happened. Jennifer kept her lips sealed. Conrad kept the watch in his top drawer in a special box, but he rarely wore it or even took it out himself. Chances were it would be a while till he came home, longer till he looked for it, and maybe Vince would have worked everything out by then._

_Con was absorbed once more in the game by the time their sister returned. She boosted herself up onto the couch. Con swigged at his beer and nodded, not looking at her. "Good job, Rabbit, thank you."_

_"Are these balloons? Why are they wrapped one at a time like this?"_

_Jennifer had to hold her breath to stop from exploding. Con choked on his beer. He slammed the bottle onto the table and grabbed the offending packaging out of Drew's hands. "Did I tell you to go through my stuff?"_

_"Why do you have such big balloons?"_

_"Because I'm a grown up. Grown ups are bigger. Our parties are bigger." He shoved the long chain of packages into his pocket. "These are special grown-up balloons."_

_"So you're having a party?"_

_"No." The kick was no good. The game went to commercial. Jennifer did her best to not look at either of them and focus on Peter coming home for Christmas and waking the whole damn house up with coffee._

_"You're not having a party?"_

_"No." If her brother had long ears, Jennifer wagered they'd be flat back. She was pretty sure they were bright red. Peter's mother was pleasantly surprised to see him home. Yay, Peter._

_"If you did, would you invite me?"_

_"Probably. Sure."_

_"Could I stay up past my bedtime?" _

_Jennifer dared a look back their direction in time to see Drew scoot closer to him and snuggle up to his side._

_"Knock yourself out." Con grabbed a handful of the remaining of popcorn. On TV, the Doublemint twins were breaking hearts by the pool._

_"Can we blow up your balloons?" Drew wriggled onto his lap._

_"No." _

_"Just one?"_

_"No." _

_Jen grinned as Con wrapped an arm around their baby sister. Drew put her chin on his chest and smiled at him. Jennifer could practically see his heart melt. He was grinning._

_"You sucker, Con." Jennifer chuckled. His grin didn't waver._

_He rubbed Drew's back. "Wanna do me a favor, Rabbit?" The game came back on. The Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders were stunning the cameraman with billion-watt smiles and high kicks._

_"OK."_

_"Run upstairs and grab me another beer out of the fridge." He pointed to the now-empty bottle on the table._

_"You had one at dinner."_

_"And I'm having another now. I'd love it if you ran up and got it for me."_

_Drew jumped up and pounded up the stairs._

_Jennifer felt a scary tickle in her chest. "Con, don't you-"_

_"Last one, Jenn. Scout's honor." He held up three fingers. "It's pretty weak beer."_

_"Just...Con-"_

_"I won't even finish it, if you don't want me to." He leaned forward to set the popcorn on the table._

_"I don't want you to." Jennifer shuffled over next to him. "Okay, Con?"_

_"Sure. Whatever you say."_

_When Drew bought the bottle, Con popped it open, took two pulls, set it on the table, and ignored it the rest of the night. Drew fell asleep on him before the game was over. After the clock ran out, Con carefully scooped her up to carry her two flights up to her bed. Jennifer grabbed the bottle, took it to the kitchen, and poured the rest down the sink. He pushed through the swinging door just in time to see her toss the bottle into the bin._

_"It's fine, Jenn. It's not a problem anymore. Not for a while."_

_She wrapped her arms around him, feeling just how solid he was. He'd grown even more brawny in the last few years. The new unit kept him active and sharp. More than running Special Forces Schools, even. She didn't think for a moment it was easy, but one thing was obvious; he was thriving on it. She regretted that what kept him going kept him away for so long, though. "I know, Con._

* * *

Pop's hand on her shoulder jolted Jenn to a stop. They'd come to an intersection. The park was on the other side of the street. It was much bigger than she had expected. Obviously a city center, and around for some time. Paths wound along grassy lawns and through large old oaks. Benches offered a respite every so often along the way. Through the trees, she could see an old fashioned gazebo bandstand and beyond it, a large pond, which she could imagine the locals thought of as a lake. As they waited for the light, she saw two women pushing baby buggies stroll by, chatting happily. Somewhere, she could hear kids playing. It was painfully idyllic.

The light changed in their favor, and Jennifer followed her parents across the street and into the park. Sounds of the city faded under the blanket of the playground cheer. Birds, those in the trees and the ones scuttling around an elderly woman with a bag of breadcrumbs twittered and cooed. Now that she was far enough down the path, Jennifer could hear the splash of a fountain. She hadn't realized she was so tense until she heaved a sigh and her shoulders relaxed. She took a deep breath to clear the smell of antiseptic from her nostrils. Next to her, Mama sighed.

"Jack, this is just what I needed."

"I thought so." Pop took Mama's hand for a few steps, then slid his arm around her. "We walked back through here with the ice cream. I figured you might like a breath of fresh air." He looked over at Jennifer. "How're you doing, kiddo?"

"Ok, Pop." Jennifer did her best to smile. "It's kind of like the park at home." She wondered where the statue of a soldier on a horse was. Parks like this were almost required to have one or two. She assumed it was in the middle somewhere, surrounded by pigeons and the toddlers tormenting them. Pop took them along to where the path circled the lake. There was a fountain in the middle. Here and again, patches of lilypads dotted the water's surface. A small dock across the way held paddleboats-probably for rent. A few of the benches seemed tucked in cozy nooks, where one could sit and watch the water. Maybe with someone else by your side. Jennifer wondered if her brother had spent any time gazing out at the water. Despite what most people thought of him, she knew Conrad enjoyed a little peace and calm to settle his thoughts now and again. He would slip off by himself every so often, for a ramble through the woods or over the pasture, and he always took a stroll after supper. He never turned down company, but he wasn't usually very talkative. A park like this would be right up his alley, maybe when he had a day or overnight pass. She thought again of the notes inside his book. Maybe he'd had a companion on his recent walks.

They stopped at a bench by the lake's edge. There was just enough room for the three of them. Jennifer glanced across Pop to Mama. She looked across the water, her face unreadable. Jennifer did her best to follow her gaze. Two boys played with a boat on a string, their mothers happily chatting on the bench nearby. One of the boys slipped and put a foot in the water, to his friend's joy. Mama laughed. Jennifer saw her father smile. The grin faded when Mama gasped. He reached in his pocket and offered her his handkerchief. Jennifer's chest felt tight.

"I'm sorry." Mama dabbed at her eyes and laughed again. "I didn't mean to do that. I was just thinking."

"Jane..." Pop pulled her to his side. "Why on Earth are you apologizing?"

"It's fine, Mama. You can't possibly not cry ever." Jennifer wanted to cry herself, but she wasn't sure she wanted to have complete strangers see her do it. Then again, if Mama was...

"Oh, it's silly." Mama flapped the handkerchief at both of them. "I should know better. This really isn't a surprise. Or it shouldn't be. I just thought he had...I don't know, some sort of free pass. He made it back from Southeast Asia. He's made it through so much. They kept trying to pull him down and they couldn't..."

Both boys splashed and spluttered in the water now, soaking themselves and each other gleefully. Mama laughed again.

"Sebastian taught Conrad how to swim when he was very little. Two, actually. He was terrified he'd somehow get to the river and fall in and drown." Mama's gaze was rooted to the boys. "I'm not sure how he figured he could get there, but he did. So he took him down himself one day-he and Wilhelm and Max. They took Wolf along, too. They'd have taken Willy but Klara pitched a fit-he was way too tiny still. They all went down to the swimming hole. I did, as well. I didn't dare stay home."

Jennifer tried to picture the man on the living room wall and uncles Will and Max all towing a miniature Conrad and a kid who looked vaguely like him over the pastures and through the woods to where the river slowed around a bend and a small beach formed the best swimming hole in the county. They'd spent a good chunk of their summers there. It was shallow and slow by the beach, but if you went beyond the ell, the river could be treacherous for any save the strongest swimmers. After a storm, the whole thing was fast and too dangerous for anyone. Still, in the summer, a person could wade out to where the water was to their chin of higher. "He taught him how to swim?"

Mama smiled. "He threw him in." She laughed. "Oh, Wilhelm and Max were in the water to catch him, but Sebastian just picked Conrad up and tossed him right in. Then he tossed Wolfgang right after him. It was all I could do to stop myself from slapping him."

Jennifer was stunned. "And they both swam right away?"

"No, they didn't. They both shrieked and clung to Max. So Max and Sebastian switched places, and _Max _tossed them in while Sebastian and Wilhelm waited." She shook her head. "_Then_ Conrad swam. Right to his father. Wolf needed a few more tries. They went from shrieks of terror to laughter in a few minutes." She laughed. "He was swimming like a fish by the end of the day. Sebastian made sure he could get to shore from the middle of the river before he was satisfied. He wanted to re-assure himself Conrad could make it out by himself. Both boys were exhausted."

"You let him do that?" She couldn't imagine Mama letting Pop toss her into the river, or Vince, for that matter. Pop had patiently taught both of them at one YMCA or another, depending upon where he was stationed. Drew had learned to swim in the ocean off Wrightsville Beach when they were on vacation in North Carolina. Poppy, old as he was, taught her himself. Of course, Conrad had thrown them all in plenty of times, and Vince took his own turn.

"Jennifer, I really couldn't stop him. Once Sebastian had his mind set on something, that was pretty much it. He was usually a reasonable man, but he was a damned stubborn one. I trusted him, though. I had to. He'd never let anything ever come close to hurting Conrad. As it was, he was right. Your brother's a strong swimmer to this day."

Jennifer couldn't really argue. Conrad could make it across the river and back twice with someone clinging to his back. But she couldn't ever bring herself to believing that throwing a two-year old into a river was the way to teach him to swim. Someone older, sure.

The boys had escalated to throwing rocks into the lake. Loud plops punctuated their yells. The boat was long sunk.

Pop grunted. "Now he throws _himself_ into everything headlong. He doesn't always _think_ about it very much first."

She was more than a little shocked. It was rare anyone offered more than praise for her brother. At least, not when she was around.

"He's better than he was, Jack." Mama nodded to herself.

"Hmmm. True."

This was the kind of conversation her parents had never let her hear. "He had to help Vince."

They both looked at her as if they had forgotten she was there. Pop sighed and raised a brow. "I don't doubt it. He never gave it a second thought." He narrowed his eyes as he looked back across the lake at the boys, now both happily soaked through. "He goes to extremes, though. It's either a chess match where he's figured the next ten moves, or he just dives right in. As much as I tried, I could never get him to abandon that impulsiveness all together."

Mama laughed. "Of course not. If it's business, Conrad will think. But when something's close to his heart, he's all instinct, emotion, and quite often fists."

"Probably why he let himself get tangled up with that woman." Pop grumbled.

"Jack!"

"Which one?" Jennifer was thinking back to a long ago party in the backyard-Conrad on one knee, head hanging, his high school sweetheart rejecting his proposal and revealing she'd betrayed him while he was overseas. Maddy.

"Both of them." Pop scowled.

"From what he says, Scarlett is a perfectly good match. I seem to recall you encouraged him to chase after her, in the end." Mama smirked. "Or have you forgotten?"

"As if I could stop him. He insisted she was worth risking his entire career. I imagine he's set, anyhow. God knows, you said you wanted grandchildren one way or another. He's going to make good on that for you."

"Pop! That's so caveman! Con's in love!"

This time, the shock was almost palpable. Mama held Pop's handkerchief in a ball in her lap. "He told you?"

"Well, no. Not himself. Not really. I just-" She didn't really know if he'd be all that thrilled with her spilling the beans, but then, what difference did it make. "His book, in that bag? I think they pass it back and forth. And they write notes in the margin. About the book. And to each other. Some of them are really sweet..."

Pop rolled his eyes. "There you have it, Jane, he's fallen." His voice was still gruff, but Jennifer caught a smile and a glint in his eye.

"Well, thank God. I was worried he'd closed that part of himself off forever. Maybe now he'll think about settling down." Mama folded Pop's handkerchief in quarters and dabbed at her eyes again.

"At least he'll stop jumping from bed to-"

"Hush-" Mama elbowed Pop in the side, her eyes flicking to Jennifer then away. "That's all done with. He's made his peace with the past and moved on."

"I bet she's nothing like Maddy was." Truthfully, Jennifer didn't remember much about her-just that she'd been around for a very long time and made a huge scene at the party they threw to welcome Con home from Vietnam. Vincent insisted he'd never liked her. Jennifer remembered Conrad had. He must have-he asked her to marry him. It was after the scene of her rejection that he lost himself and tried to drink his anger and sorrow away. It came to her with a shock what Pop had been hinting at. Jumping from...

"Of course she isn't." Pop grunted. "He's no fool. We'll meet her face to face soon enough."

Jennifer was looking forward to it, and from the look on Mama's face, so was she. Jennifer wondered how Scarlett felt about the prospect. It had been frightening meeting her boyfriend Robert's mother. Had Con gone into Maddy? He never talked about it. She'd surprised him a few years ago, crashed a second barbecue, not making a scene this time so much as providing something for everyone to pretend not to watch. Whatever she told him, she left quietly right after, and he'd gone into the house and kept himself quiet for an hour or two before coming back out to the party. If it had shaken him any, he'd regained control. Not soon after, he must have made his move on Scarlett. Jennifer had known something was up the last time he was home.

* * *

_She shouldn't be coming in late, but it's not like there was a curfew anymore. She didn't have a curfew in the dorms, and she didn't need one when she came home for Christmas Break. Mama and Pop trusted her now. Vince, and Con stayed out all hours, and now so could she. But Vince hadn't been able to make it home this year. It seemed like they were destined to swap off holidays-one brother at a time. Still, it was Christmas Eve...not a good time to stay out so long. _

_Jennifer tiptoed through the front door and carefully closed it behind her. She pulled off her scarf and shrugged out of her jacket as she walked to the closet. Pop's office door was open, and light streamed through the crack. Jennifer crept past, not really wanting discuss her night him until the morning. He'd want to grill her about who and what and where. She'd have better answers after a little sleep. She hung up her coat and turned to creep past and to her bed. Conrad's soft chuckle made her stop. She'd never heard him sound quite like that. Carefully, she slid up to the crack to peer through._

_He was at Pop's desk, lounging in the big leather office chair. His feet were on the desk, one arm behind his head. He had the phone held between his ear and shoulder, and he looked up at the ceiling as he doodled absent-mindedly on the blotter. He chuckled again._

_"So you like it then?" A soft grin crept over his face. "Oh, maybe a month or two now...it just made me think of you." Conrad tapped the pen against the blotter a few times, then went back to doodling. He glanced down at his efforts, and Jennifer quickly pulled back-just in case he spared a look to the door. A minute or so passed, and she felt brave enough to peer back in. He was looking back up at the ceiling. "...because it's almost as beautiful as you." He sighed. Jennifer couldn't help but smile. Con did something complicated to make the pen twirl around his fingers. "...yes you are." He listened, then closed his eyes. "Prettiest girl I've ever seen." Jennifer slapped a hand over her mouth to keep from sputtering. His eyes snapped open and he sat up, she pulled back again._

_"Hey!" His voice was suspicious. "Hello?" She held her breath, praying he wouldn't decide to get up to have a look see. "What? No...nothing. I thought I heard something. Probably this old house settling. Everyone's in bed but my sister, and she's out with her beanpole..." Jennifer had to hold another breath as he snorted. "No...oh, yeah. He's okay. Decent kid. Goes to MIT. Been pretty good to her, I guess." Jennifer felt a flush of warmth. Con liked Robert. She'd always suspected as much, although he seemed to delight in terrifying him every chance he got._

_"...because he's a stork, Red. Kid's just skin and bone, near as I can tell...well, sure she likes him. Goes out to California for school, he's in Massachusetts. Both of them miles apart, and she insists it's all going to work out...they're both home right now and have to hook up..." Potential eavesdropper forgotten, he closed his eyes again. "Damn, I miss you." He grunted. His eyes slid open and he returned to doodling. He regarded his work speculatively, then went back to go over something a few times. His lids drifted shut again. For a while, he just sat, leaning back, eyes closed, soft chuckle breaking the silence now and again._

_He shifted in the chair. "...Shana..." Conrad dropped the pen and took hold of the receiver. He spun the chair to look the window into the night. "Being away from you, it makes me see just how much...I think this is going good, what we've got going, Red." She could no longer see his face, but she didn't need to. He sighed. "Let's keep it going, you wanna? You and me, let's see where it goes."_

_Jennifer stifled a yawn. She wanted to go to bed. He seemed perfectly entrenched in the call, and she decided to leave him to it. Christmas morning, she slipped into the office as soon as she was up, curious about what he'd been drawing on the blotter. Whatever it was, he'd decided it was best not to leave behind. The sheet had been torn off, and the blank paper beneath had no hint of what had been there the night before. She saw him looking at her speculatively over his coffee mug as Drew ripped her way through another year's booty, but he hid behind a smile the instant their eyes met._

* * *

"Sweetheart?" Pop was looking at her. "Are you OK?"

"Sorry, Pop, I was just thinking about something."

"Ah." He nodded, then gazed back to where both women were dragging the boys-soaked and covered in mud- away from the lake. One of them was making noise about his boat, which Jennifer assumed was somewhere only turtles could find it.

Mama laughed. "Look at those two. Head to foot catastrophes." She shook her head, smiling fondly. "I know exactly what their mothers are going to have to go through. For the last three decades, the washing machine's hardly had a day off. I've hosed things off of you four I'd never imagined I'd have to deal with." Pop slid his arm around her, and she leaned into him.

Jennifer remembered the time she and Vince got into a lemon fight. It was all fun and games until Drew caught collateral damage in the eye. Then there was the canned cheese battle in the living room...but they'd cleaned it all up before anyone else came home. Mama chuckled again.

"Conrad got into Mam's honey once-your Grammy's. Back when she spun it out of the combs herself. She was watching him, I forget where we had to go. She'd left him with a batch in the spinner and went back to the kitchen for bottles. She learned really fast why it's a bad idea to leave Conrad alone with anything he can get into." Mama laughed to herself. "God, that boy loves honey."

Jennifer smiled to herself. Conrad had a weak spot for it. "So, he got sticky?"

"More than that." She laughed, her hand up to her chest. Mama laughed long and hard, until tears ran down her face. She gasped. "I came into Mam's kitchen right when she remembered she'd left him there. I guess the phone rang and she got distracted. We went to the shed and found him there." She needed a few breaths to keep going. "He'd sat himself right under the spout and opened it up to get himself a taste. The hopper was full, and it comes out fast. When we got there, all we found was a puddle of honey on the concrete. The whole batch, out on the floor."

"He got away?"

"He went and hid. He knew better than to mess with Mam's honey. He'd holed up behind the timothy hay your Grampy had stacked for fodder. That's where we found him. He thought if he closed his eyes, we couldn't see him." Mama leaned back against Pop's arm and laughed to the sky. "He looked like a haystack. Gammy and Grampy were livid. I should have spanked him, but my hand would have stuck." She dabbed at her eyes. "I had to throw him in the tub fully dressed, he was that sticky." Mama sighed.

Jennifer looked at Pop. "How'd you punish him?"

"That was before my time. Although he was good enough to save some good messes for me."

"Oh." Mama had said he was tiny. 'We' meant Mama and her first husband. It was the second time she'd brought him up that day. First at the river, now this. Mama didn't hide him, but she didn't talk about him this much. Jennifer wondered if the situation had made her re-examine the past. Had the thought about the day he died? Probably. With a shock, she remembered that Sebastian Hauser was shot in the chest. Now Con...

"Well," Pop slapped both of their legs. "On that note, we'd best get back. I don't really like leaving your sister to her own devices for long."

"The staff and the guards are there, they won't let her get into any major trouble." Jennifer stood and stretched.

"They couldn't stop her if they tried." Pop smiled. "She's like your brother, I'm afraid. It comes from your mother, I'm sure. She's just as stubborn." He took Mama's hand to bring her to her feet, then pulled her to him and kissed her forehead. "Like a mule, you are."

"Hmmm. Let's get back, then."

They walked back through the park, across the street and along. Jennifer thought there might be some hint of a change in the lobby, but the doors slid open and it looked like they'd never left. Form the entrance to the elevator and right to the ward, everything was the same. The guards hadn't even changed.

The television was on in Conrad's room. Drew had found another sports station. She sat half in and half out of a chair next to his bed. Conrad had been rolled onto his back once more, and Drew was leaning over so she could watch the screen and lay her head on his stomach. She didn't move when they came in.

"Drew!" Jennifer rushed to the bed to pull her up.

"I asked. Nurse Matthews said it was OK as long as I was careful." She didn't budge. Jennifer stood there, slightly envious. It hadn't occurred to her to try. She glanced around the room as Mama and Pop came over to check on Con. A thick pillar candle sflickered on the ledge by the window. It was daylight, and there was no way anyone could see the flame, but Jennifer knew that didn't matter. The flame was for a heart and a soul, more than eyes. Mama kept a candle burning in the window since the day Con deployed to Southeast Asia. She let them take turns lighting it. When Drew was old enough, she took her own turn. The day Vincent took active duty, a second candle joined it. Just in case either one needed help finding home.

Mama and Pop had seen it, too. Neither mentioned it being there, though. Mama walked around so she could kiss Con's forehead, brushing his hair away as she did. "We're back, _Kleiner." _She reached down to gently pull his blanket up just a little higher.

Pop moved Drew's plastic bag and dropped into an open chair. "Here we are, Champ."

Drew rolled carefully to look up at them. "Your turn, Pop."

"I was thinking I would do it tonight." He fiddled with the now empty plastic bag, avoiding meeting anyone's eyes. Jennifer caught his quick glance at the candle. "In a bit."

"Why?" Drew looked at her Mickey Mouse watch. "I told Bazooka I'd play cards with him and the others when you got back. I could go and you could do it now."

"Well, your mother and Jennifer-"

"Wouldn't mind having a cup of tea together." Mama smiled and stood. I'm sure there's some in the cafeteria."

"Nonsense, we just got back from the park." Pop folded the bag into a neat little bundle and shoved it in his pocket.

"And a cup of tea sounds perfect right now, doesn't it, Jenn?"

Mama rarely called her by anything besides 'dear', 'sweetheart' or her full name. Jennifer wanted to follow her lead. She'd never seen her own father try to avoid anything, not like this. He was doing his best to watch the television and ignore what was going on, as if by ignoring it would make mean they'd stay and everything would happen as he hoped. Jennifer had yet in her life think of going somewhere for tea as a form of recreation, but still... "Sure, Mama, it'd be great!"

She joined her mother, who was standing in the doorway, purse in hand. They'd only been back a few minutes, and were already off again. Not that Conrad would really notice. Drew sat up, slid off the bed, and kissed his cheek loudly. "Back later, Duke! We're playing spoons!"

"We'll be back in a bit, dear." Mama took two quick steps to the bedside. She kissed Conrad again, and then kissed Pop quickly, leaning over to whisper something in his ear and giving his shoulder a squeeze. He nodded, not taking his eyes from the screen.

They left them there. Drew waved and went through into Bazooka and Alpine's room, a happy welcome erupted from inside. Jennifer shook her head. "How does she do that?"

"How does she do what, dear?" Mama lead her back towards the elevator. The cafeteria was on the bottom floor.

"Make friends with perfect strangers like that? Everywhere she goes?" Jennifer waved to the guard by the elevator, who looked more than a little surprised to see them again so soon.

"She does have a knack, doesn't she?" Mama pressed the button for the first floor and then stood back, hands clasped. Jennifer leaned against the wall and took her in. She was going to be fifty, but you wouldn't know from looking. Jennifer had seen men appreciate her mother her entire life. Mama was beautiful. Naturally. She never wore designer clothes or flashy make up, and her hair was usually just natural or tied back. But Mama was lovely. And, like Drew, wherever she went, people adored her.

"Yeah. She's going to always do great, wherever she goes."

"Maybe." Mama smiled. "She worries no one will like her because she's a little different."

It was true. She liked comic books and cop shows, horses and knights. She'd rather hike in the woods than hang out. She wore what she want and said what was on her mind. Jennifer though she'd grow out of it, but hitting double digits hadn't really changed much. "Everyone likes her anyhow."

"Jennifer, do you really think the rest of you are any different?" Mama took her hand.

"Well, sure. I can't make friends as fast as she does. No one asked me to go play spoons."

"Did you want to play spoons with them?"

Jennifer thought. "Well, no, I guess not." The elevator pinged softly as it reached the bottom floor. Jennifer was amazed that her entire time here, no one had ever gotten on in between floors. The doors opened, and they stepped out.

"Every one of you does well wherever you go. When you came here, you impressed all the doctors and soldiers with how friendly and mature you are." Mama pointed to the sign that directed them to the cafeteria. Several guards saluted as they passed.

"How do you know?"

"I can see it in how they speak to you." Mama stopped at the entry to the cafeteria. It was bustling, but not too crowded. "Doctor Greer told me himself last night. He specifically mentioned you, in fact."

"He did?" They got in line behind a group of men and women in white lab coats. "Really?"

"Yes. He thought you were handling the situation in rather a good fashion and wondered if you were thinking of going into some sort of social work." Mama grabbed a tray and set two large mugs and a few spoons on it.

"You told him I'm in film school?" Jennifer hesitated, then took a slice of chocolate pie.

"Well done, I'll get some too." Mama helped herself to berry. "Yes, I did, and he thought perhaps you'd want to film what's going on."

Jennifer had, in fact, packed her VHS camera at the last minute. It was in her bag back at the hotel. "Is that OK?"

"He seemed to think so." Mama motioned to a woman behind the counter. "Can I get a pot of hot water? Thank you."

"No, I mean, is that OK with you, Mama." Jennifer didn't really want to ask, but then she did. "I mean, he's...he's like he is, and maybe..."

"Jennifer, he's your brother. However he is, it's OK with me for you to film him. This is part of our lives. He wouldn't mind, I know he wouldn't. It's important for people to see what's at risk when men like your brother volunteer to risk their lives." Mama took the pot offered and then moved down the line to where several boxes of teabags sat next to a register. "Besides, this may be the last chance you get."

Jennifer didn't want to think about that. She chose some herbal tea from the box. "If it's fine with you, and the doctors, then maybe I will. Tomorrow."

Mama chose her own tea, and then paid the cashier. They found a table near the back wall and sat facing each other. Mama poured out hot water and then sat dunking her own tea bag. "This pie looks pretty good, doesn't it? We'll keep it our little treat."

Jennifer took a forkful. It was more a pudding than silk pie, but it was rich and chocolaty. "It is good." She took a second bite and then watched Mama sip her tea and look around the room. Jennifer looked herself. It was mostly doctors and nurses, maybe orderlies. A few visitors were scattered here and there, and there was one table of Joe Regulars off in a corner. Jennifer wondered where Vincent was, and if he was OK. "Mama, Vince..."

"Is off in the Himalayas. I've learned over the years to do my best to just know what I know and not speculate if I can help it." She smiled. "Well, at least I _try _to do that. But Vincent is strong. He's clever. He'll find his way."

"He's not like Con."

"No, of course not. They go about things two completely different ways. Vince will always try his best to think of a creative way around things. Conrad would rather just shove himself right through the middle, if he can. And he usually does. But both boys have the same goals, overall, I think. They both worry about doing what's right, sometimes to the point of ignoring what's right for them."

"But Vince got himself into trouble." Jennifer wasn't supposed to know, but she did. Vincent had gotten into a bit of a tangle on more than once occasion.

Mama blew on her tea. "He got a little lost in Bragg, I think, and after. That was more due to your grandfather."

"Poppy?"

"Reginald wanted two brawlers. He had dreams of more Golden Glove pendants and such. Vincent fights when there's no other way. Conrad fights because he likes it. But Poppy could never see it that way, could he?" She frowned. "He doesn't place the same value in thinking your way out of things over fighting your way out."

"I though Special Forces was more about..."

"They are. Using your head. Yes. Poppy was an Alamo Scout. It's a little different. Your father understands." Mama put her mug down and smiled. "But your brother spent a lot of free time with Poppy, since they live so close to Bragg. Try living up to that man's expectations and running the courses."

"Did Con have the same stuff going on?" Jennifer finished her pie and pushed her plate away.

"No." Mama sighed. "Or if he did, he never reacted much. Conrad's not stupid, not by a long shot, but he's always been physical. Vincent's just not wiling to go there if he doesn't have to."

"Conrad's stronger, anyway."

Mama cocked a brow. "For now. Maybe he always will be. But I want you to remember that the best thing a person can do is learn to use their strengths. Both your brothers will do well, just in different ways. You will, too. You all come from different places. You, darling, are creative and artistic like Vincent is. You're sensitive like both of your brothers. And you're warm and caring like _you _are."

"Conrad? Sensitive?" Vincent could be easily hurt. She remembered the night Persephone told him long distance just wasn't going to work. Conrad, on the other hand, was a brick wall.

"Conrad is very sensitive, and always was." Mama took a small nibble of pie and wiped her lips.

"You're kidding."

"It's true. He feels things very deeply. When he was little, it was all we could do to keep every stray cat, dog, and hurt bird out of the house. He tried to save everything he came across. When he couldn't, he'd cry, sometimes for hours. But then, the world fixed him of that." She sounded sarcastic.

"How do you mean?" Jennifer blew on her tea, but it was more for show than anything.

"When he was growing up, men had to be strong. They had to be tough. He got to a certain age, and crying wasn't supposed to happen. But it wasn't just that. When Sebastian died..." Mama put her mug down and looked Jennifer right in the eye. "When Sebastian was _killed_. He was _killed, _Jennifer."

"I know, Mama." She put her hand on her mother's arm.

"We've never hidden it from you, but I've never gone into too much detail."

"He was killed. Con was there." It was an old tale.

"Yes. He was there. I wasn't, and so I can never really understand. Your brother was a little boy, Jennifer. And little boys aren't supposed to watch grown men shoot each other. They were horrible men. Disgusting, horrible, trash of men. Drunkards. Probably more than just drink. Who knows? They shouldn't have been on our land or in our woods. Conrad was already terrified by the time Sebastian got there. He was already hurt. Sebastian must have been enraged, nothing meant more to him than your brother. I'm told the men fought, and one of the men's guns went off."

"In his chest." Jennifer felt a little odd, as if she was sitting next to herself watching them talk.

"Yes." Mama looked at a picture on the wall. "It was a shotgun, you know. I never told you that. They didn't tell me until I got to the hospital that night. At that range, it must have blown him right open. Your Uncles...your brother's Uncles weren't far behind, and they got them both to the hospital." She didn't blink, she stared right at the picture on the wall, and then slowly took a sip of tea. "The doctors did their best to put him together, but there was really nothing they could do. He was gone before I got there." A tear ran down her cheek. "The last thing I ever said to him was on the back porch that morning, when I promised him a hot supper."

"Mama..."

"Conrad's arm was broken in two places. No one told me how that happened. He was knocked out on morphine. I was glad, because I had no idea how to tell him his Papa was gone. But he had to know, in the end. And I think that's where all the anger comes from."

"But there was therapy, right?" Jennifer had a counselor in college, and a counselor in high school. Con's friend Sandy, actually. She spoke to kids at a few schools in the area, and helped the really weird or troubled ones who had extra problems, as well.

Mama laughed bitterly. "Back then, it was different. The doctor who saw him at the hospital told me to not talk about Sebastian. They told me to take my little boy home and force him to sleep in his own bed alone right away. Another told me to wrap him in a blanket and keep him in a dark room when he was upset. He started getting into fights in school and it was all I could do to keep him from getting expelled. But they couldn't argue with me; he managed to keep his grades up, and he was speaking three languages before he was ten."

Con spoke English and German since he was born, Jennifer knew. He often spoke it, or a hybrid of the two, with his cousins and Uncles when home. Grammy had taught all of them French, or tried. She remembered visiting him in San Francisco when he was at the Special Languages school and looking on in awe as he ordered them dinner in Chinatown in perfect Chinese.

"When he was little, he cried. When he got older, he wasn't allowed. Boys and men weren't supposed to cry, Jennifer. They're still not, really. So he held it in until it burned, and then he let it all out on whomever pushed him over the edge. Usually, that was a bully of some sort." Mama shrugged. "I remember one day, and this was after I'd married your father, he broke Colonel Harris's son's nose."

"_What?" _She didn't know more than the name. Harris was down in Bragg, and by the time she was born, Pop had taken another post at Fort Carson. But everyone who was connected to Special Forces in one way or another knew about Colonel Harris. No one would ever think about socking his son in the face.

"Oh yes, he did. I got the call at home. I was pregnant with Vincent at the time. Your father was pulled in right off the range. He was fit to be tied by the time we met up." Mama refilled her cup and then slowly dunked her tea bag.

"What happened?"

"That boy had a mean streak in him." She shrugged. "The Colonel's son, not your brother. Bradley Harris was sixteen and spoiled rotten; I'll blame his mother, really, although the Colonel certainly didn't spend much time fathering him."

"He was a jerk?" Jennifer wondered if there was enough water for a second cup.

"He was a little shit."

Mama had never sworn in front of her before. Jennifer smiled.

"But he was still the Colonel's son. No one felt it their place to tell him so. We'd only been there a little while. Conrad was twelve, and he missed home mightily. He wasn't very happy in such a small house, and he had trouble fitting in at school at first."

Jennifer couldn't say she knew the feeling. When she was really little, they'd left Colorado to go back to Missouri. Pop had an assignment at Leonard Wood, and decided it was close enough to go back to Mama's first house and take Con home. They'd never moved again. She was too small to really remember, although she did remember hating to leave a few close friends and being scared of the horses and all that space.

"Anyhow, it seems Bradley had a taste for taunting the special kids. There was one girl in particular, in the high school. We call it Downs, now. They called it something else back then. Many of those kids were put in special homes, but her parents fought to keep her at home and in school. She was, really, a very nice little girl, and she liked and trusted everyone. I don't think she realized half the time they weren't laughing with her." Mama's voice grew quiet. "IYou don't find people like that, really, who always smile, like everyone and see the best in people, even if it isn't there."

"He was teasing her?"

"He constantly teased her. And worse. I found out from her mother it was disgusting at times. In fact, it was her mother who got the whole story out of her and filled us all in." She ran her fingers through her hair and then clutched her cup.

Jennifer waited, but Mama had gotten lost in the memory. "So, what happened?"

"He'd found a particularly crude taunt. I won't repeat it. He knew she didn't understand, and so he repeated it. Several times. She thought is was a joke of some sort she didn't understand, so she laughed. The more she did, the happier he was. Apparently, your brother had his fill of it. He was new, and had never been taught that you let Colonel's sons get away with everything. Conrad told Bradley to stop. Naturally, a sixteen year old bully isn't going to take heed of a twelve year old boy. So your brother climbed right up the bench and over the table, grabbed him by the hair and punched him in the face until he heeded." Mama tried to hide a smile behind her tea mug. "I was supposed to be angry, but honestly, when it came out, I couldn't help myself, I was proud of him. The Colonel took his belt to Bradley in front of us all. Which in the end, showed us who had taught him to be a bully."

"Con beat up a sixteen year old?" Jennifer giggled.

"Your brother got into a lot of fights, Jennifer. Not all of them made sense. Usually, though, something like that was at the bottom of it." She sighed. "But it was the anger, you see, He was angry. Angry about his father. Angry that we moved. So angry. And he'd keep it all in until it just ran over and he'd explode. Yes, he'd get angry at what I suppose you'd call the _right_ things, but the constant fights..."

Jennifer stopped laughing. "He was trouble?" She remembered the drinking after Vietnam.

"He was on his way. Your father and Poppy managed to get him under control. If he could direct it, it was better. That's how he learned to box. We got him into anything athletic that would take him. Diving, gymnastics, boxing, softball, football...God help us in between seasons." She played with the label on her teabag. "There was a time, quite a while really, where I worried he'd grow into a handful we couldn't manage. He hit puberty and just kept getting bigger. Fortunately, he didn't get meaner. What made him angriest was people picking on the weak folk. I suppose he really ended up the best place for him."

"You wanted him to be a soldier?"

Mama looked upset. "No. Not for a second. I _wanted_ him to be a history professor-a scholar. Maybe go into diplomacy. But I was hoping history."

"Seriously?" Jennifer couldn't imagine it.

"Yes. He loved history. Read all the books he could get his hands on. European history, mostly, although I do remember he had a passion for China and Japan."

"I don't remember that. I mean, I guess I remember the books, but I thought everyone wanted him to play football." She remembered all the games. The stadium. Hot dogs from the concession stand, maybe soda. Jeff and Sandy in marching band uniforms. Scouts in the stands and the kitchen. Going to see him play in college. Until he dropped out to enlist, anyhow.

"Football was his ticket in, I thought. We could never have afforded Yale. Your father hoped he would end up in the NFL, and that girl, too." Mama made a sour face.

It was never 'Maddy' or 'his girlfriend'. Mama called her '_that_ woman', or 'that girl', or sometimes just 'her'. "But Con was good, really good."

"Oh, no doubt. He was gifted. He loved it. There were, in fact, NFL scouts watching him." She nodded slowly. "Yes, they all had their eye on my boy. Whatever he chose, I figured he was set. A college degree in the works, a few futures to pick from and a scholarship to keep him free of the draft. It never occurred to me he'd chose to throw it all away and ship himself right off to where he'd saved himself from having to go." She tapped the top of the table with her fingernail. "But he did. And then, when he was out of it, home safe, and he'd worked his way free from the bottle, he went right back into it again."

"You're disappointed?" Jennifer couldn't hide her shock.

"No, not at all. I'm not disappointed in him. How could I ever be? I'm very proud of your brother. He's never done anything but his very best. Look at where he is today." Mama took Jennifer's hand. "_Look_ at where he is today. I never wanted him to have to go through this. Everyone sees him as a fighter. As a hero, maybe. But right now, up there in that bed? That's my little boy. Over in the Himalayas, doing God knows what? _That's_ my little boy, too. I'll always be proud of them for what they do, but I never wanted either of them to do it."

Jennifer wasn't sure what to say. Parents shouldn't have to worry about outliving their children.

"A _history_ teacher, Mama? Can you _see _Con in one of those corduroy jackets with patches on the elbows?" She laughed.

Mama joined her. "No, not now. I guess not. He's definitely found his niche, and he loves it. But he still likes history, Jennifer. He's even taken a few correspondence courses. Not that its easy to finish, never knowing exactly when he'll have to drop everything and go halfway around the world for a month or more." Mama tipped the pot, but it was empty. She smiled as she set it back on the table. "I was hoping Vincent would do something with his art. But he didn't even really bother with college. He could have gone far, but it wasn't what your father wanted."

"Pop?" Jennifer remembered arguments in the kitchen. Pop never thought anyone could make an honest living with art. And then one day, Vincent seemed to just give in and go for it. He signed himself up for the ASVAB. "He didn't have a big problem with my going to film school."

Mama raised a brow. "Yes, well, you can thank your oldest brother for that."

Jennifer was more than a bit surprised. She couldn't remember them ever talking about it with each other. "But Pop always liked my home films. The stuff I made for school."

"Yes, he did. And he loves you. But Jack couldn't see you studying film any more than he could see Vincent making a living as an artist. All he can think about is stories of women getting in trouble in the film industry and artists starving or overdosing." She caught Jennifer's expression. "Oh, Darling, your father is many things, but open to art or film school isn't one of them." She sighed. "You have to understand, he was raised a certain way, so getting it through to him that you all might be successful being creative is not easy. Conrad knew what Vincent went through with your father and swore to me he wouldn't let it happen to you. And...I might have had a bit to do with that, as well."

"Mama?"

"Let's just say I made calls and kept your brother appraised of the situation. He knew what you wanted to do. He wants you to be happy. When I told him Pop was having trouble accepting it and wasn't listening to me, he did all he could to change his mind"

"Con...changed Pop's _mind_?" Jennifer tried to picture it.

"Hmmm. He actually tried with Vincent, but I don't think he was sure how to go about it at the time. He wasn't ready to go against your father. And then Vince changed his own mind and went through with Pop's wishes. He was under a lot of pressure. Once he did that, Conrad let it go." Mama took two quick forkfuls of pie and chewed thoughtfully.

"And with me?"

"Your father started making the same noises when you began talking about film school. To me, mostly. He wasn't hearing a word I said. So I called Conrad and let him know. They argued over the phone a few times. The last call, your father hung up on him-I thought he'd break the phone as hard a he slammed it down- and Conrad called right back. Bless him, he dug in and refused to give up. It was getting time to send out your applications, and he set his teeth and hung on for you. We both did."

"He was home that Thanksgiving. They didn't argue." Jennifer remembered it as a calm, relaxing two weeks. No one argued about anything.

"Oh they did. A few times. Not in front of you, though." Mama finished her pie and stacked the dishes on the tray. "The last one, you'd gone out with Laura and Robert. Drew was over at Emma's for the night. Conrad and Pop locked themselves in the office and had it out. They might as well have stayed in the den, the hollering came right through the door, I could hear every word. But it was over in an hour, and your father conceded. Especially once Conrad offered to help pay for it, a promise he's carried through with, I'll have you know."

"I know. I know he does, I found out." Jennifer thought of the mis-directed statement.

"I'm glad. You should know. He told us not to tell you, but I could never see why." Mama smiled. "He was so happy you got in."

"So, he fought for me?" She wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. He took a blow for Vince. He faced down Pop for her-and no one really ever wanted to argue with Pop. She felt a tear escape down one cheek. Just one.

"Of course he did. College is important to him. And he would never let anyone stop you from what you really want to do. He wanted to surprise you and help you move in, but they sent him away again. Somewhere in Russia, I think. Jennifer," Mama handed her a napkin, "you know your brother stands up for people who need him. That includes you."

They got back to the room and found Pop sitting by the head of the bed, watching the news. His hand was resting on Con's shoulder, and Jennifer caught herself wishing she had been a fly on the wall. Pop looked the same way he had the night Drew's appendix had exploded. Mama and Vincent had come to watch Jennifer's basketball game, and Pop had volunteered to stay home, since Drew was feeling under the whole appendix blew right around halftime. It was good luck he'd managed to get through to someone in the office-normally it was closed in the evening. Apparently, he told Mama to wait till the game was over-Drew was in surgery and it would be a few hours anyway. When the final buzzer sounded, Mama grabbed Vince and Jennifer, still in her sweaty uniform, and zipped off to the hospital. Drew was still in surgery. They found Pop in the waiting room, staring at the television in the corner. He wasn't really watching it, he was just staring at the screen, is face utterly unreadable. He either shook his head, nodded, or gave very short answers as Mama quizzed him. Finally, he got up and held her. He wasn't back to himself util Drew was safe home in her own bed, several days later.

Just like then, Pop was more staring at the TV than watching it. Mama went to him and leaned over for a kiss. "There. Did you have a good talk?"

Pop nodded and grunted.

"Did you tell him..."

"Yes." Pop glanced quickly at the both of them. "I said all I needed to say." Jennifer saw his fingers tighten on Con's shoulder. "I did."

"Good!" Mama hesitated. Jennifer could tell they shared the same thought: _what did you say? _But Mama left the question unasked, and Jennifer felt it prudent to follow her lead. Pop would volunteer as much as he wanted, nothing more.

"Hey!" Drew ran in and landed on the bed with a bounce. "I won five games! We played for bubble gum." She held up a big plastic bag.

"Don't jump on his bed!" Jennifer looked to see if anything had been dislodged.

"Why?"

"You'll knock out a tube!"

"No I won't. They're all taped in there really well. You saw it, they roll him around themselves, everything's gotta be in pretty firmly." Drew pulled out a handful of gum, unwrapped three cubes and crammed them in her mouth. "Look! Gung-ho let me borrow his walkman." She pointed to the big square portable tape deck hooked to her jeans. A wire ran from it to the headphones on her shoulders.

"Fine. Beyond the tubes," Jennifer pulled a chair over next to her and sat down. "You'll bug him."

"What, like wake him up? Isn't that what we all want? It is, right?"

Jennifer wasn't sure how to answer. Maybe they all should be jumping on the bed.

"We don't jump on beds in hospital rooms because hospital beds aren't for jumping. The tubes may be taped in, but some of the equipment is delicate." Mama was once again the voice of reason.

Pop nodded. "And expensive. It'll take more than a summer job to pay off one of those monitors."

Drew frowned. "Right, sorry."

"Excuse me?" Everyone looked to where Doc had stuck his head through the door. He smiled. "Hi! I just wanted to go over a few things with you. He looked at Jennifer and Drew. "This might be something we should talk about outside."

Jennifer got it, and she wasn't about to be left in the dark. She stood with her parents. Doc noticed, but didn't object. To Jennifer's pleased surprise, neither did Mama and Pop. Pop put his hand on Drew's head, then stroked down to her shoulder. "Baby, why don't you stay here?"

"Fine with me." She turned the plastic bag up over the bed tray table, dumping a small mountain of cassette tapes and gum out of the bag on the surface with a loud clatter. Jennifer shook her head as Drew pulled the headphones over her ears, then followed Doc and her parents out past the nurses station to the same little waiting room they'd been to yesterday. Yesterday seemed a lifetime ago.

Doc sat first, indicating they should do the same. "We've been keeping on top of him. We've run an MRI, EEG and blood tests twice a day since he arrived. So far, he's doing very well. The infections are pretty much gone, and his blood tests indicate he's fighting what's left."

Mama and Pop glanced at each other. Jennifer raised her hand, then realized it was foolish. He was a doctor, not a professor. "Do any of those tests let us know if he's conscious or not?"

"Sure." Do smiled. "We can tell what his brain is doing at the time we scan it. Of course, that's only at that time. Truthfully, he could be experiencing small moments of consciousness throughout the day. Really, no one wakes from a coma all at once. They go in and out for brief amounts of time that get longer, usually without much movement. It's just that there isn't always someone there to see it beyond the readouts, so when they do come fully awake and lucid, mobile and able to communicate, it seems like an all at once thing."

"Have the readouts shown he's woken up?" Jennifer assumed they kept a running record of it all, even though the monitors had a screen and not paper tape, they must keep track of it all.

"Yes. In a way."

Mama gasped, Pop sat up, and Jennifer's heart jumped. Mama smiled. "When? How long? Is it happening more often?"

Doc held up a hand. "Please, you're mis-understanding me. This is all normal. As of now, I haven't seen too much of an increase, and I can't promise or even guess at anything. He seems to have responded in some way to your arrival, and there is a jump in activity when he is tended to by the nurses. Other times, which I assume are when you are touching him. But this isn't unusual, and it isn't really what I could safely say were more than reactions to stimulation. All they prove is he isn't brain-dead, which we knew already. But they do give us hope."

Pop rocked his jaw back and forth, then nodded. "Hope is better than no hope, Doctor Greer."

"Of course. Frankly, I'm pretty hopeful myself. He knows you're here, I'm sure of it." He smiled at Mama. "What we need to do is discuss what our plans should be depending upon the possibilities we're facing."

He will need a good amount of time to recover. We've already discussed this." Mama took a deep breath. "I'm going to take him home as soon as I can. I can take a sabbatical to help care for him until he's on his feet, and Jack will be there. We can arrange for physical therapy, there's good places in the City."

Doc tapped his pen against a manilla folder and nodded. "Yes, if things go down that path, he should go home to recover. He'd have to stay here until we felt it safe, but all of his team has agreed that his best chance for full recovery is to do it at home. It will, in fact, take several months. We've figured at least eight. He'd need to pass a physical should he want to go back to active duty."

"Which he will." Pop grunted.

"Which, want to go back, or pass?" Jennifer wasn't sure.

Pop grinned. "Both. He'll want to go back, and he'll kill himself to pass."

"We'll have to talk about that with him later on." Mama sounded irritated. "Honestly, I don't think it's necessarily in his best interest to-"

Pop stopped her with a laugh. "Whatever you think, Jane, you know as well as I do what he'll want."

Pop was right. Jennifer knew it to her bones. As soon as Con was able to think about it, he'd be planning on getting right back on duty. Whatever it took, he'd push himself to get back on his feet and back in shape. The hard part would be slowing him down. "Can he even? I mean, there's some damage to his pectoral muscles, right? He might not be able to move his left arm all that well."

Doc looked impressed. "It will be a struggle. But we have a lot of researchers and scientists in our corner. In fact, several of them came to us when they heard. There are a few things that have already been batted around. Rather exciting, really. New methods being played around with, de-aging, regeneration, tissue synthesis. Even methods for mind over matter, should he need to push through a few plateaus."

"Tissue regeneration and synthesis? Like growing muscle _back_?" She was skeptical.

"Muscle grows and repairs itself, otherwise bodybuilding wouldn't work. The scientists we've worked with in the past, some of them, have been looking in ways to control this process, and in some cases, speed it up or trigger it in new ways. Also, we have a confirmed method of de-aging...it's safest used in small bursts, but it can also help with your brother's recovery, along with good old rest and quiet as well as traditional physical therapy and his own stubborn streak."

"De-aging?" Mama laughed. "I could use some of that."

Doc joined her. "Couldn't we all?"

"I just think he might do best if he retired. He's earned the chance for an honorable discharge." Mama ignored Pop's quick head shake. "There's plenty of good hard work to keep him busy. He was talking about fixing up Orman's house. That would take a good amount of time and effort, God knows what he wants it for, but it's his to do whatever that is."

Jennifer had an inkling of what Con had in mind for his Great-Grandfather's house.

Doc leaned forward, suddenly serious. "We need to think about what to do if he stays in this state long term."

Jennifer's heart dropped. Every ounce of cheer fled the room. Mama's laughter caught in her throat, and Pop looked took her hand.

Doc adjusted his glasses. "It could be days. It could be weeks or months. In some cases, people have been in this state for years. In that case, we need to move him from here to a facility better equipped to care for him."

Mama nodded, but didn't offer any words.

"Now, I've looked into it, and there are two facilities near St Louis that fit the bill. Then, there is a fabulous one in Boston, the best in the country. They all would be able to give him a long-term bed, and some of his care would be covered by the Vet Bill. He's due that. But there will be a cost to it."

"Of course." Pop was taking over. Jennifer could see her mother's face had grown ashen. "We'll find a way."

Jennifer's mind was a whirl. How _would _they pay for it, if Con was on machines forever? Could Mama stand to send him to Boston? She'd probably move to be close to him. Without movement, without any activity, Con would shrink down to nothing. He'd just lay there, being tended to like some sort of pet or , more realistically, a houseplant. Maybe even able to hear what was going on, but not able to talk or do anything. She knew he would never want that.

"But..how can you keep him that way?"

"They'd provide food, the staff would care for all his needs." Doc leaned back in his chair. "It's a kind of hospice care."

"I don't mean that. Con would hate it. He'd never want to be like that forever. He'd rather die!" She couldn't stop the word from leaving her mouth, even though she wanted to when she heard herself saying it. The word itself, maybe it would fly through the room and out the door, cutting him down. She didn't want her brother to die, but she didn't want to see him waste away in hospice, either. She knew in her heart he'd never want to be that way.

Doc sighed. "If he's comatose long term, you don't have any other choice. No one does."

"But you can put a _dog _that's suffering-"

"Jennifer!" Pop's voice was sharp.

"But you _know_ Con wouldn't want that. He'd never want anyone to have to take care of him, and he wouldn't want to just be _lying _there." She looked at her mother. "You know. Pop knows. We all know that's true."

"It is." Mama sighed. "We do know, dear. I'm sure even Greer would know." Doc nodded. "But the law doesn't really allow for anything else, and he could wake up, somewhere down the line. He isn't brain dead, Jennifer."

"But he doesn't _want _it. If you told Con that was going to happen, and he could, he'd..." She stopped to think of the right way to say it. "He'd take care of it himself." She wondered if she would ever be strong enough to do that. For herself, or for him if he somehow could let her know. Maybe if Vince were there...maybe?

"He's felt like that before, you know." Pop's whispered. "I talked him out of it."

"He's never been this injured before." Jennifer shook her head. She glanced a Mama, who was looking at Pop with wide eyes.

"No. Not physically, anyhow." Pup rubbed the back of his neck. "It was right after he came home from Vietnam. When _she _rejected him. He went off to the river. You didn't know about it, Jane, but I stayed up to wait for him. Coming home from war...then she crushed him. You have no idea what he brought back inside, and never will, but that just dragged it all right to the surface."

"But he came back, Jack. He was at breakfast. He didn't talk for a few days, but he never tried to..."

"I saw him come in the back. From our bedroom window. I went down to talk to him. By the time I got to his room he had his gun out of his drawer."

Mama's eyes went wide. Jennifer figured hers were, too. She hadn't remembered what happened after, but she knew it wasn't this, at least she thought she knew.

Pop sighed. "He was sitting on his bed loading it when I came in."

"Jack! You never told me!"

"I promised him I wouldn't. I talked to him for hours before he let me take it. Most of the time, he didn't answer. I just talked. Jane...Jennifer, war does something to a person, and if you've not been through it, you won't ever understand. Not that you don't try, and the trying is appreciated...but you just have no frame of reference. He came home on fire inside, and he couldn't get back into school. He'd lost his scholarship, and besides, they didn't want him there. So he settled on taking his land, figuring he'd settle down with a good woman and have a mess of kids. He always really wanted kids, you know, Jennifer. He really always liked helping with you two, and he knew your mother wanted grandkids." Pop sighed and looked to Doc. "Problem was, he didn't _have_ a good woman. Not like he thought. Maybe he built her up into something she wasn't when he was deployed. But she didn't want him either. No one wanted vets coming home. He'd lost hope."

Jennifer tried to think back and find some way to latch on to Pop's story. "But you stopped him."

"Of course I did. I'm not going to sit back and let my boy do away with himself. I was set to try and wrestle it away from him. Glad I didn't have to try, even back then, he's a big cuss. I just talked to him, and then when I figured he was thinking the whole thing over again, I leaned in and took it from him." Pop mimed snatching the gun from Con's hands. "Then I unloaded it, fast as I could. Sat with him till the sun came up, then took him up and made him coffee. I locked that damn pistol and the ammo in my safe while you were making the biscuits, Jane."

"Thank God, Jack." Mama embraced him. "Thank God for that."

"You saved him, Pop." Jennifer wanted to join the huddle.

"There was more to go through after that, Princess. It's not like a switch you can flip off, that kind of feeling. He put himself and the rest of us through Hell. Truth is, if he'd really wanted to go through with it, he would have. But I'll wager it's not for the good doctor to hear."

Doc smiled. "I already know."

"You do?" Jennifer turned to him in surprise.

"Oh yes. He told me. Years ago." Doc nodded. "I don't think he's really told many people, to be honest. But Duke's got a lot on his shoulders, even now. More responsibility than I think you imagine. Sometimes, when he's in with me for one reason or another, we get to talking. A lot of Joes come to me. I am a chaplain's assistant as well as a doctor. I do a bit of talking to people. Duke has told me quite a few things during our chats, and that was one of them."

"He told you he was an alcoholic?"

"He assumed he was. But he isn't you know." Doc smiled.

"But he would drink and get into ..." She remembered those times. "He drank."

"He used it to escape and cope with things he couldn't handle. He's not the only person to do that. But while drinking to cope and alcoholic addiction are both abuses of it, they're not the same thing. Doctors suspect that alcohol addiction may be something you inherit. Once your brother found better ways of coping, and got a handle on his depression, the alcohol wasn't a problem." He took off his glasses and regarded her with warm brown eyes. "Your brother drinks now and again recreationally. An alcoholic can never drink again, or they'd eventually end up right at the bottom again."

"Oh."

"We've gotten off topic." Mama rubbed at her eyes with the back of her hand. "Is this place in Boston really better than-"

A sudden crash and yell stopped Mama short.

"MOM! POP! EVERYONE! COME QUICK!"

Doc jumped up and raced out the door. Jennifer managed to e close behind him before her parents hopped to their feet to follow. Matthews and two other nurses were rushing from behind the counter.

"HE'S AWAKE! HE LOOKED AT ME! DUKE'S AWAKE!"

Everyone shoved through the door. Before she could see what was going on, Jennifer found herself pushed aside. The bed was surrounded by hospital staff, and all she could see was white lab coats and nurse's uniforms. Looking around, she saw Mama and Pop, clutching at each other. A few faces peered into the doorway-Bazooka and Alpine.

The sea of medical personnel parted. Drew still sat on the bed, clutching their brother's right arm to her. If the nurses had tried to move her, they'd have encountered her stubborn grip-Drew could cling like an octopus when she wanted. Doc was shining a pen light in Con's eyes, eyes that were open. Jennifer's heart sang. She could see her brother's cornflower blue eyes. Tears streamed away from them down his face. He was groaning around the ventilator tube.

"Mama," Jennifer joined her parents, feeling her father's arms come around her to squeeze her tight, "Is he crying?"

Mama made her way next to Doc, who was tapping Con's fingers with a pen. Tears were washing over her cheeks, as well. Jennifer followed, but Pop stayed out of the way and by the door. Close up, Conrad looked frustrated, and he was sweating. His eyes squeezed shut and then open. He looked around wildly, and grimaced again. One hand reached for the tube, only to be gently pulled away by Nurse Matthews. He opened his eyes to glare at her, and then they flicked to each side. And then he saw Mama... And then he saw Jennifer. His brows lifted in surprise, and he moaned again.

"He's in pain." Mama took a step forward. "He's in pain, please. He's in pain, give him something." She took his hand.

Jennifer leaned over the bed, seeing his eyes lock on hers. "Hey, Con. There you are. You scared the shit out of us."

"We already gave him something, Mom. It'll take only a little bit longer to kick in. I don't want to completely knock him out yet. Not just yet." Doc moved around with the nurses, taking vitals. Conrad looked irritated again. A growl sounded around the ventilator tube. Doc stood up straight. "Duke, I'm going to clear everyone out of here. Your mother can stay, but the others will have to wait."

Jennifer watched her brother's eyes settle on Doc. He relaxed a bit, then slowly reached up with his free arm and grasped the doctor's coat. His brows raised again.

"Scrrrrrrrrlltt?"

Doc smiled and leaned forward. Jennifer was pretty sure few others were supposed to catch his quiet words. "Shhhh, don't worry about her. She'll be here as soon as she's able."

The blue eyes again shifted to her. Conrad blinked, then sighed. He let go of Doc's coat, and held his hand out to her. She leaned forward, and his fingertips softly grazed over her cheek. She didn't realize she was crying until he touched her and came away with the tears. His hand dropped to cradle Drew's head against him, and he looked down at her in wonder, then back up at Mama. Jennifer could tell the drugs were taking effect, his eyelids were drooping, and he seemed more relaxed, over all. He noticed Pop, by the door, and stared at him calmly.

"All right, everyone except Mrs. Falcone and Nurse Matthews, out. Give him breathing room!" Doc waved an arm at the door. Several nurses quickly left. Jennifer went to stand next to Pop. But Drew, if anything, clung tighter to his arm. Con's left hand still rested on her head.

"Sweetheart..." Mama's voice was gentle. "It's OK. You need to give the doctor space to examine him." Drew let go of his arm, but instead of sitting up, she rolled over and nuzzled into his chest. His arm came around her. Mama sighed. "Conrad, she needs to go, just for a bit. You'll get her back when they're done."

A big sigh around the breathing tube, but his arm slipped from around her. His left hand stroked her hair, and then slid away. She pushed herself up, and Jennifer watched a silent conversation in their matched gazes. Conrad nodded once. Drew stuck her lip out, but pushed herself from the bed and padded over to them. Jennifer put her arm around her sister's shoulders.

"You did a good thing, letting everyone know, Drew. Lucky for him you were there." She squeezed her.

"He knocked over all the cassettes. He reached over and knocked them right off the tray." She pointed to a mess of tapes on the floor by the bed. "and he was just...awake."

Pop led them out into the hall. "Let's go, girls. We'll wait out here."

Outside, Jennifer saw the guards taking turns peering through the door into the ward. Bazooka, Alpine, and Gung-Ho hung just inside the door of one room, curiously looking out, waiting for news. Bazooka waved at them, and Jennifer smiled and waved back. The other men each held up hands in greeting.

Suddenly, Doc shot out of the room and across the floor. He vaulted over the counter into the nurse's station. Jennifer hadn't noticed the radio there before, but it must have been there all along. It was the fastest way to keep everyone up to speed. Grinning, he picked up a mike. "Hawk! Hawk! Come in! This is Doc at headquarters! Great news! _Duke's come out of his coma!_"

The entire ward went crazy. Guards, Joes, and nurses alike roared and cheered. Jennifer found herself joining in, and Drew was yelling and waving her arms over her head. Even Pop belted out an ooo-rah. His face was nearly split in two with a huge smile as he shook the hands of all the guards who had flooded in. Several grabbed her hand, too, and one particularly ebullient guard picked up Drew and swung her around.

The noise in the ward died down. Doc was still trying to talk through the radio. "Hawk, I checked him over. Duke is awake and totally conscious."

Jennifer listened to static, and then a gravelly deep voice came through. "I copy, Doc!" The voice dropped. Hawk had turned away, but he was still transmitting. "Well, looks like we've made it. _DOC SAYS DUKE'S GOING TO BE A-OK!" _The radio flickered in and out as a huge roar echoed through, flooding the speakers. Jennifer heard whoops and cries over the hollering.

"That's in the Himalayas?" She walked to the counter and tapped Doc.

"Uh huh. I wasn't sure I'd get through, they've been unreachable for a bit, but they're there now." He picked up the mike. "Hawk, are you safe? Is all well?"

"Mission accomplished, Doc." Hawk could hardly be heard over the din. "We're coming home."

Jennifer tapped Doc again. "What about my brother? What about Vince?"

Doc grinned. "Hawk, I've got an inquiry about Lieutenant Falcon."

Pop came up next to Jennifer. She looked up at his grin, matching it with her own. Behind him, Drew had lead Alpine, Bazooka and Gung-Ho to the door of Duke's room. Gonzales, Jennifer remembered she really should be Slingshot, was suddenly on her other side, smiling.

"Doctor? My other boy?" Pop's smile wavered.

There was a commotion, and the three Joes spilled out of Conrad's door, Drew beside them. Matthews stood glaring in the doorway, then retreated inside.

"I repeat, Hawk, I have an inquiry, two now, about Lieutenant Falcon. Probably three if you count what's on Duke's mind." Doc released the button and waited.

A burst of static. "Falcon is fine. He's more than fine. We couldn't have done it without him. You can report to your inquirers that the good Lieutenant is lip locked with my new martial arts expert. She doesn't seem to be minding it." The general sounded amused and irritated all at once.

Slingshot laughed. "Jinx. I figured they'd work it out."

Pop rubbed his forehead. "_Both _of them. They get this from your mother, you know."

Jennifer snorted at him. "That's not what _she _says, Pop."

The radio crackled again. "Doc?" It was a woman's voice. "Doc, how is he?"

Jennifer could see from Doc's smile that he'd been expecting her. "He's better than I'd hoped, Scarlett. He's fretting about his troops. He's sore, tired, and thoroughly grumpy."

The voice laughed. "Sounds about right. But how is..." She paused, perhaps searching for the best way to put it. "everything?"

"Good, Scarlett. You'll see when you all get back. He's waiting for you." Doc shook his head.

There was a long period of static and background cheering. "That's good. We're coming home. Tell him his brother stepped up. Duke was right. Falcon stepped right up when we needed him to. He's a good soldier and a strong Joe. Tell him I lo...tell him we're coming home."

Jennifer felt a flush of pride. From the looks on their faces, so did Pop and Drew.

"Doc, we're getting set to come home." The general was back on. "We'll fill everyone in a day. Hawk out."

"Roger Hawk. Safe journey" Doc set the mike down. He turned to Pop. "It'll take a while to get everything loaded and secure and get in the air. But you'll have your son back here by the end of tomorrow.

Jennifer felt a hand on her arm. It was Slingshot. They hugged, and Slingshot wiped at her own eyes. "I'm glad for you all. Everything's good! You've got your brother back-he's OK. Both your brothers are safe."

"Thanks," Jennifer hugged her again. It occurred to her that Slingshot was closer to her own age than Con's. She'd thought of the Joe as older, but she was probably just Vincent's age "They're sort of _your _brothers, too, aren't they?"

Slingshot nodded. "Yeah. Sort of. In a way. That's how we like to think of it. Brothers and sisters in arms." She looked around at the other Joes-the regulars and the three higher ranking ones now talking happily to Drew. "We look out for each other."

"That's what family does, really." Jennifer grinned.

"Yeah."

Doc interrupted. "Jennifer, you can go back now. I've done all I need to. He's going to need to rest, but there's no reason not to be in there now." He guided her and Pop through the Joes and to the door. The Joes parted and let them pass. Each man shook Pop's hand as they went by.

"Sir."

"Thank you." Pop nodded and put an arm around Jennifer and Drew. "Please, excuse us."

"Of course, sir."

It seemed quieter in the room than the hall, even though there shouldn't be a difference. The monitors still beeped, the bellows rose and fell, whooshing continuously. But now they were happy sounds. Mama was sitting in a chair at Conrad's side, his hand clasped in hers. Someone had elevated the head, and even that made him look more lively. His eyes flipped open as they came near.

Two blue eyes looking at her. His cheeks and chin were stubbly. His hair a mess, and the eyes that were now examining her, Pop and Drew were bloodshot and weary. He looked like Hell, and yet he was altogether the best thing she'd ever seen in her life. A day ago-an hour ago-she wasn't sure he'd ever open his eyes again, but here he was watching them come up to his bedside.

"Well, Champ, you made it through the scrum again. Well done." Pop reached out and ruffled his hair. Conrad's eyes closed for the touch. They opened again as Pop pulled a chair up next to Mama.

Drew climbed up on the bed without a word and resumed her place snuggling up to the unwounded side of his chest. No one tried to stop her, least of all Conrad, who wrapped his arm around her to hold her close. Jennifer found herself space across from her parents and took his other hand. His fingers tightened around hers, and he gazed up at her.

"He's doing well." Mama smiled. "The painkiller has taken effect, so he's not hurting as much. It's made him a little sleepy, though." She reached up to stroke his cheek. "I'm sure everything was a bit much, at first."

Jennifer brought his hand to her mouth. She kissed his knuckles, then blew a raspberry on the back of his hand. "So you got the good stuff, huh? You're supposed to just say no, Con." She thought he chortled, just through his nose. "We heard Doc radioing General Hawk. Told him you were awake." The blue eyes grew sharp and his brow furrowed.

"Did you?" Mama turned to Pop. "Did you hear about..."

"Vincent is fine. More than fine. Apparently he pulled more than his own weight. They're all on their way home." Pop put a soothing hand on her leg. "Your boys are fine, Jane. They're both safe."

Mama let loose a sigh of relief. "Oh thank God."

Jennifer looked down at Conrad. He, too, looked relieved. He did his best to turn his head and look down at Drew. She smiled at him, chin on his chest. "I'm kind of tired, too." She nuzzled into him, yawning. Jennifer realized with a shock that it was dark outside. The day had gone fast.

"Oh, hey, Con, Hawk wasn't the only one we heard." Jennifer grinned to see him quickly look at her. "She asked about you. Scarlett, I mean. She said to tell you Vince stepped up, and that you were right."

"Of _course _Vincent stepped up." Mama fussed with the edge of her sleeve. "The very idea he wouldn't... He just needed an eye kept on him for a bit is all."

Jennifer caught Duke roll his eyes, just a bit. She figured there was a story behind it. But she knew he believed in Vince. "Hey, you know, not to be a snoop, but I was paging through that mystery of yours, you know, the book you're reading? Someone brought you a bag of your stuff and it was inside. Anyhow, I was looking through..." Conrad's eyes widened as the full implications of what she was saying filtered through his drug-addled mind. "Yeah, that was _interesting_, wasn't it?" One blond brow raised. "Anyhow, she left you a note in there. A newer one. Scarlett did, I mean."

"Who else?" Drew snorted.

"Shhh, Drew. Here." Jennifer ducked down and found the duffle. She pulled it onto her lap and pulled out the battered novel, then riffled the pages and the folded slip of paper fell out into her lap. She put the book on the bed tray and carefully unfolded the note. "Look, here. I read it." She felt herself blushing. His eyes were stern. "Sorry, Con. But it is real sweet." Jennifer held the paper in front of him, close enough for him to read. His hands came up to take it for himself. He moved it close, then back again. He blinked several times and tried again. A growl of frustration bubbled around the ventilator, and he dropped the note to his chest.

"It might be a bit tough for him to read right now." Jennifer hadn't even realized Nurse Matthews was there. "He's just come out of a very long sleep, and he's under the painkiller. His brain is a little scrambled, you might say."

Conrad grunted angrily and held the note aloft again. He tilted it a bit, this way and that, frowning.

"_Kleiner_ it's alright. You'll be able to read it soon, and she's on her way home, then you can see her, and she'll tell your herself." Mama stroked his head. Jennifer could see it wasn't making it much better for him. He set the note next to the book and glared at the ceiling. Mama laughed softly. "You're going to have to take this one step at a time, Conrad. There's no way around it, you're going to have to let someone else take care of you."

Matthews interrupted. "Mom, Dad, as next of kin, there are some things I need you to sign in his stead. Nothing big, just forms Uncle Sam and the hospital need, and while he's awake, I can't say he's entirely capable of legally signing."

"Ah, paperwork. I figured it would hit. Back in a minute or two, Champ." Mama and Pop followed Matthews to the nurses' station and a stack of paperwork.

Jennifer sat listening to the beeps and whooshes, watching her brother stare at the ceiling. Eventually, he turned his head and looked at her thoughtfully. A hand reached to the bed tray and carefully picked up the note. He held it out to her.

"It's all right, don't stress yourself. Nurse Matthews said it was the drugs."

He waved the paper a bit, urging her with his eyes. Almost pleading. He grunted.

"You want me to read it _to you_?" She took the note. He nodded. "You sure, Con?" He nodded again. "Drew's right here, Con."

"What's _that _supposed to mean? Is it _dirty_?" Drew rolled on her back and folded her arms over her chest.

"No, it's just, I don't know, maybe private?" Conrad shook his head. "If you're sure, Con."

His eyes flicked to the door and back.

_He doesn't want Mama and Pop to hear. _

"OK, Con." She held the note up. Over the top of the paper, she saw him settle back against his pillow. She cleared her throat and took a deep breath

"_Duke,_

_If you wake up before I get back, know that I love you more than I can ever say. You scared the Hell out of me. Stop doing that, you jerk. I don't know what it's like to be without you anymore. I don't want to know._

Why do we both keep doing this?"

Conrad sighed and closed his eyes. Jennifer read on.

"You're wrong. I don't give one fuck for five years' difference, stop worrying about it. Forget about Mike-he's my age, but he isn't YOU. The past is best off there, in the past. Let's just keep moving on together, okay? You make me feel like no one ever has."

He opened his eyes to gaze once more at the ceiling, and Jennifer saw something reflected within them that she'd not seen before.

_"About Falcon-I know people have judged-you're right, there's some bad feeling there. But a lot of people value your opinion-they'll listen to you. He doesn't hate you... I just saw him cry over you. He's going to shape up, you're right. I believe you. He's more like you than I thought at first. It's going to be all right._

Just tell me when I get back that it's all going to be all right.

Just wait for me, My Love, please wait. I'll be there soon!

_Love,_

_Scarlett."_

Jennifer refolded the note and slid it back into the book on the tray. Conrad stared up at the ceiling for a long time before closing his eyes again. After a good few minutes, Jennifer wondered if he'd fallen asleep. "Con?"

"That was all gross and syrupy. Eeew." Drew sat up to look down on him. "_Really_ Duke?"

"Leave him alone, Drew. I thought it was sweet."

He sighed through his nose. His eyes opened and he nodded at her. He was doing his best to smile around the tube taped into his mouth. His hand found hers. She felt him give her a gentle squeeze.

"You're welcome, Con."


End file.
